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Viewer Discretion Warning is shown. Opening credits roll.


[The scene begins with Toad dragging Arbiter along the ground, bound in what appears to be a steel cable.]

  • Arbiter: Wow. I don’t believe this. …Wow.
  • Toad: Believe it.


[The camera changes, showing Mario and Luigi standing together as Toad drags Arbiter towards the brothers.]

  • Arbiter: What’s the point of this?


[Mario slowly turns and looks at the cupboard in which he forced Sonic.]

  • Luigi: The-The cupboard? No! I-I don’t want to Mario!
  • Mario: That may be but I’m much larger than you are!
  • Arbiter: Is someone gonna tell me what’s going on here? What the fuck?
  • Mario: I hate Master Chief! I really do! But you know who I hate more? Pseudo-intellectual smart-asses such as yourself. I also have a real problem with non-humans in general. You… You remind me a lot of Bowser.
  • Arbiter: I don’t look anything like Bowser. Bowser’s a dragon. I’m not a fucking dragon. You need your fucking eyes checked, psycho. This is bullshit! You can’t just lock people inside a cupboard!
  • Mario: You are NOT people.


[Luigi proceeds to open the cupboard. Sonic can be seen sitting by the door, his Sharpie as always just next to him.]

  • Sonic: Am-Am I free to go?
  • Mario: Shut up.


[Toad drags Arbiter and throws him in the cupboard, the steel cable still around him, before Luigi slams the cupboard door shut and the screen turns to darkness. Suddenly a lamp is switched on and Sonic starts taking a big sniff of the Sharpie.]

  • Sonic: W-Want some?
  • Arbiter: No.
  • Sonic: How’d you end up in here?
  • Arbiter: By being myself. You?
  • Sonic: I accidentally told Han where the copy of Halo 3 was. No one’s supposed to play it. Mario hates Halo. Fah… But I told him anyway and now I’m here.
  • Arbiter: I got that impression. Looks like Chief and I both sold out someone else. Man, I’m a jack-off. …What’s gonna happen to us?
  • Sonic: We’re gonna die man! Second thoughts? (Points the Sharpie towards Arbiter)
  • Arbiter: Gimme that.


[The scene changes to Chief outside his box, a black ball by his feet.]

  • Chief: o k Rbetur / u rdy??? / u rdy 4 dis??? (The camera changes to show a crude drawing of Arbiter on the side of the box, accompanied by a smiley face) / hear et cumz


[Chief kicks the ball towards the crude drawing of Arbiter, who, of course, does nothing but stare at Chief.]

  • Chief: no Rbetur / u r saposed 2 catuch et / reeee taurd / u getz 1 moar tri Rbetur / k?!?? / 1 moar / hear et cumz


[Chief kicks the ball once again, achieving a result no different to the last.]

  • Chief: u shithed


[Chief proceeds to put his foot through what is supposed to be Arbiter’s face, and gets his foot stuck in the wall of the box.]

  • Chief: fawk / maeby i axtuali em stewped


[Chief sits there, contemplating what he just said.]

  • Chief: no

End credits roll.

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