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This is the transcript for Season 4 episode, B& (Part 2).

← "B& (Part 1)" "B& (Part 2)" "Digital Fruitcakes" →

Scene 1: Jon's Living Room/KitchenEdit

A black screen.


  • Arbiter: I don't even know what to try first.


Picking up from where the previous episode left off, Master Chief frantically looks back at the banned console, then back at Arbiter for a brief second, then runs off just as Arbiter enters with the Halo: Reach case.


  • Arbiter: Probably multiplayer... Nah, I'll try campaign first. Or forge world. Or maybe firefight. Man, this is too much variety.


Master Chief quickly shuts off the Xbox 360 just as Arbiter stands up the Halo: Reach case. Arbiter walks in to see Chief sitting on top of the Xbox 360.


  • Master Chief: WHATS GOIN ON BUDDY (Arbiter is seen pushing over the case to open it) HE ONLY GOT LIMITED / SOME BUNGIE FAN / WHAT A CHEAP ASSWIPE
  • Arbiter: There's not really much room for the statue.
  • Master Chief: FUCK TEH STATUE / I WANTED THE FLAMIGN HELMITTS


Arbiter is seen carrying the game disc towards the console.


  • Arbiter: Seventy dollars for a permutation effect. You'd actually have to be on fire to agree to spend that. What does it prove? "Look at me. I have more cash to burn."
  • Master Chief: wat u doing?
  • Arbiter: Guess.


Arbiter places Halo: Reach into the Console.


  • Master Chief: DO U EVEN FEELS LIEK PLAYING REECH?? / I DONT EVEN FEELS LIEK PLAYIGN REECH
  • Arbiter: Suits me. You can go fuck yourself then.


Arbiter climbs onto Jon's chair.


  • Master Chief: Y DONT U SHOW ME SUM OF UR FRUITY ASS TENDO GAMES
  • Arbiter: "Nintendo." I pity you for thinking of them that way. But this is Reach time. I'm dying to play this.


Realizing he will be found out without anyway of saving himself, Master Chief runs for the kitchen, tripping over himself in the process.


  • Master Chief: FUCK
  • Arbiter: I'll probably do a couple matchmaking games first, actually.


Chief frantically climbs up Jon's oven and leaps for one of his knifes. After pulling out one, Chief runs for Jon's bathroom.

Scene 2: Jon's BathroomEdit

Finally reaching the bathroom, Chief locks the door behind himself and leaps into the bathtub, taking the knife with him. Upon landing however, Chief's visor falls off just as he re-gathers himself.


  • Master Chief: O NO / MAI FACE / MAI BEUTFEL FACE


With his visor off, Chief is reaching frantically for it, which is heading towards the tub's drain.


  • Master Chief: DONT U GO DOWN THERE U BITCH


Chief manages to secure his visor and upon retrieving , backs himself against the tub while holding onto the knife, expecting a reaction by watching the door. Several tense seconds pass until Chief finally decides to look out from behind the curtain, expecting nothing. Suddenly a loud banging is heard on the door, which startles Chief into dropping his knife and landing inside the tub.


  • Master Chief: WOW SHIT
  • Arbiter: Open the door.
  • Master Chief: GO AWAY
  • Arbiter: I just wanna talk. Open the door.


Arbiter begins to bang louder on the door.


  • Arbiter: Open the door you fucking turd! God dammit, open up or I'll strangle you!
  • Master Chief: LOL U MAD??
  • Arbiter: What did you do to it?! Open the door!


Chief refuses to open the door.


  • Arbiter: That's it. I'm breaking the Reach disc.
  • Master Chief: you wont / your a pussy
  • Arbiter: Watch me. Can't fucking play online anyway.
  • Master Chief: no!1 / NOOOO!!1!one!


Chief quickly climbs out of the tub to try and stop Arbiter


  • Master Chief: WAIT / DONT


Chief finally manages to open the door. Just as it opens, Arbiter lunges for him, quickly causing Chief to hold the door from opening all the way.


  • Arbiter: I'm gonna kick your ass you little bitch.
  • Master Chief: ROFL FUCK YOU
  • Arbiter: Aah!


Chief manages to slam the door hard enough to daze Arbiter while he quickly scurries to pick up the knife.


  • Master Chief: GET THE FUCK BACK OR ILL GO CLYDE STRAFE ON UR ASS
  • Arbiter: Get the fuck out of my face with that you retard!


Arbiter lunges and punches Chief in the face hard enough to both knock him to the ground, knocking both his visor and the knife off of him and leaving Chief writhing in agony.


  • Master Chief: OH GOD / :'(!! / THAT SRSLY HURT SO BAD / NO MOER
  • Arbiter: Put that knife back where it was, you child.


Arbiter leaves panting while Chief frantically reaches for his visor again.

Scene 3: Jon's Living RoomEdit

Then Arbiter walks in the living room with Master Chief following.


  • Master Chief: WHATS THE MATTER YOU FUCKING PUSSY? HAD ENOUGH OF THESE GUNS?
  • Arbiter: Shut up. Just go away and shut up. I just wanna play Reach right now. Seriously.
  • Master Chief: BUT U CANT REMEMBER / THERES NO ONLINE REMEMBER / LOL REMEMBER ARBITUR / LMAO
  • Arbiter: The CONSOLE'S been banned. We're still allowed on other boxes. I just remembered Jon's got another one.


Arbiter walks away to the closet.


  • Master Chief: {following Arbiter} yeah right / srsly?
  • Arbiter: His old one. With the messed up disc drive.


Then Master Chief sits down near the closet door.


  • Mastr Chief: is that the oen that goes WHARBLEGURBLEH?
  • Arbiter: I'd seriously love to kick your ass all night. I would. But right now all I wanna do is sit down and play some campaign. ...Maybe multiplayer. Or forge world. Or firefight. {pushing the old Xbox 360 console} I still can't decide.


Arbiter stops pushing it.


  • Arbiter: Damn, that's heavy.
  • Master Chief: {walking to the closet door, shuts it, then walks away} SO WAS UR MOMMAS ASS WHEN I SPAKNED IT LAST NIGHT LOLOLOLOL
  • Arbiter: ...Chief? What are you doing?!
  • Master Chief: {dragging the Xbox 360 console} GUESS / LOLOOLOLLOLLOOLL
  • Arbiter: ...No. Seriously. If you don't open this door right now I'm gonna freak out.
  • Master Chief: {dragging the console} U MAD U MAD U MAD U MAD LOL
  • Arbiter: Oh my God. Oh my God, Chief. You are so fucking dead you have no idea.
  • Master Chief: WHATEVER DUMBASS


Master Chief sits on the chair with his Xbox controller.


  • Master Chief: OH BOY / I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TRY AGAIN / PROBABLY MULTIPLAYER / NAH ILL TRY CHAMPAIGNE FIRST

Scene 4: Jon's Living Room (Eight Days Later)Edit

Eight days later, Master Chief is still playing Halo: Reach uninterrupted while Arbiter is still locked in the closet.


  • Master Chief: OR FORGE WURLD / OR MEHBEH FIREFIGHT / {to Arbiter} YOU ARE SO MISSING OUT DUDE
  • Arbiter: *sniff*
  • Master Chief: I WUNDER IF U CAN JTAG ON REECH LOL


End credits.

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