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Transcript
Scene 1: Penance
The episode begins right where the previous one left off. With Eugene, Colin and Tyler gathered around the dead player.
- Tyler: Fuck this shit. I'm smokin' a fat-ass bowl and goin' to bed. If I can't be brickin' systems until tomorrow afternoon, then what the hell's the point of bein' conscious?
- Eugene: Not much point either way, is there?
Tyler prepares to walk away, but later turns back around.
- Tyler: You guys are gonna wait for me, right? You aren't gonna be using fragban and burstin' caps until I can get in on it, are you? You can't.
- Eugene: Was that a serious question? Of course we're gonna fuckin' wait for you, dude. Jesus.
- Colin: I solomnly swear to you. On the lives of all my friends and family.
Tyler walks off.
- Tyler: You forget to bring the patch with you to school tomorrow and I'm tearin' you a brand spankin' new asshole, Eugene.
- Eugene: Yeah, you'd know all about ripping assholes, wouldn't you?
Tyler leaves the server.
Scene 2: Countdown
A Blue player and a Red player are seen walking towards each other.
- Red clan leader:"You son of a bitch!"
- Blue clan leader:" Whoa, whoa. Wait. I'm the son of a bitch? That's a lot coming from you, you wall hacking fuck."
- Red clan leader:"Wall hacking? What the hell are you talking about?"
They meet in the center.
- Blue clan leader:"You know damn good and weel what I'm talkin' about. So many of you assholes have been coming through the walls for a solid ten minutes I was convined I was playing Luigi's Mansion."
- Red clan leader:"It must've been lag."
- Blue clan leader:"Lag? Of course."
Red and blue players gather on their respective balconies to watch.
- Red clan leader:"Yes. Of course you're full of shit. My clan doesn't cheat and I consider such an accusation deeply insulting. Especialy since you guys can barely keep all your aim bots from fallin' out of your asses."
- Blue clan leader:"[laughs] You're so pathetic. But you know what? I'm not angry. I know how hard in can be to tell aim bots from genuine skill."
- Red clan leader:"On the contrary. The two are quite easy to distinguish. The only thing you annd your boys a genuinly skilled at is suckin' dick!"
The two notice Eugene and Colin at one end of the map.
- Red clan leader:"Who the hell are you? And how did you get in here?"
- Blue clan leader:"Yeah. This is a private clan match. So you need to make like a whores legs and split."
Pause.
- Blue clan leader:"Don't tell me we'll have to boot your asses through the menu instead of you taking your own leave."
- Red clan leader:"Yeah, we'd hate to have to do that."
A red player and a blue player take positions behind them.
- Red player:"So? What's it gonna be, shit stains?"
- Blue player:"Yeah, motherfuckers!"
Pause.
- Red clan leader:"Those poor souls. I don't think they realize who they're fuckin' with."
- Blue clan leader:"I agree."
Eugene and Colin load thier weapons, preparing to frag the players.
- Eugene:"Man, Tyler is missin' out."
Scene 3: Jon's Apartment
Arbiter is seen playing a Sega:Genesis game. A thudding noise is heard nearby.
- Arbiter:"What the fuck are you doing up there? Cut it out.
Chief is seen on the counter rolling lucky charms into a paper towel.
- Chief:"turn 0ff taht qu33r sega shit and ill thot abot it"
Chief starts crushing the cereal with Jon's shoe.
- Arbiter:"This track always puts me in a good mood. Gives me a blast from the past every time."
- Chief:"gives meh an ache in mai balls"
Chief tosses the shoe.
- Arbiter:"Don't tell me you intend on smoking the charms."
- Chief:" its a c3l3bration bitch / ur hittign this shit 2"
- Arbiter:"I'll pass. And you really should stop smoking so much."
- Chief:"i alredy rolled u a fatty dumass / if u doesnt smoak this we'll has a severe fucking problem / and i told u i can quit whenevar i wanted 2"
- Arbiter:"I'll believe that when I see it. I'm happy with my beer, thank you."
Arbiter takes a drink.
- Arbiter:"Here's to making friends."
- Chief:"ill taek a few tokens 2 taht mothur fuckar"
Chief lights the cereal.
- Arbiter:"Or rather to making a friend period. One that isn't a complete fucking asshole."
- Chief:"lol / BUTT WAT ABOT CLAIRE? REMEMBIR? LOL REMEMBIR? REMEMBIR? WAT ABOT CLAIRE ARBITUR? REMEMBIR CLAIRE? DOESNT U CONSIDERED CLAIRE A FREND?"
- Arbiter:"...My wrist itches.Like hardcore"
Chief stops smoking and holds his head.
- Chief:"fuckign tell meh about it"
- Arbiter:"Oh, sorry.Geez, how do you deal with it?You're taped up practically from head to toe."
- Chief:"taep? i was talking abot teh crabs i gots frum ur mom lollolololollololol"
- Arbiter:"Hilarious as always."
- Chief:"IM SO FUCKING HIGH / HIGH IN TEH SKY LIEK A BIG PIZZA PIE"
- Arbiter:"That makes sense. Man, I was so freaked out when my hand came off. Don't get me wrong, I'm still choked about the idea of crumbling away like a cookie bar at the bottom of the box, but not quite as frightened anymore."
- Chief:"i doesnt blaemed u / y wood u want 2 live in a werld wer u can dbl fist urself"
- Arbiter:"I'm glad my mind has held itself together so far, at least. I'd be scared shitless if I lost that."
Chief opens the cupboard.
- Chief:"FUCK"
Chief opens the freezer.
- Chief:"goddammit"
Chief uneasily looks in the oven and walks away. Chief is seen digging around in an open drawer.
- Chief:"no / fuck / no no no no"
Arbiter walks into the kitchen.
- Arbiter:"Easy, tiger. What's wrong? What are you looking for?"
- Chief:" a fucking cigarette"
- Arbiter:"You must've smoked the last of them."
- Chief:"u can smoke mai cock / no / tahts impossible / them shits is delishis / delishis things dont ran out arbitur / they cant / never ever ever"
- Arbiter:"I feel your pain. Id've helped myself to some lucky charms but you've just smoked the lot.All decent things must come to an end eventually. Only horrible shit seems to last forever."
- Chief:"o fuck / fuck / no / this cann0t be happinign"
- Arbiter:"Hop online with me for a bit, that should take your mind off smoking for a while. It's past four Eugene has probably signed on by now."
Arbiter sees Greg in the hallway with the Scrabble game.
- Greg: up for a game? :)
- Arbiter:"Not really in the mood for scrabble right now,Greg. Sorry."
- Chief:"shoev ur board gaem up ur a$$ / u no y ther called boerd gaems rite? cuz ther so fuckign boring lol"
Greg sadly watches them leave.
Scene 4: Battle Canyon
Chief is seen running out of the blue base. He stops in the middle of the river and another player attacks him.Chief no- scopes the player.
- Chief:" YES / NO SCOPE / bitch / eat taht dick"
Arbiter walks up.
- Arbiter:"Simmer. I know you're itching for a cigarette right now, but you shouldn't be talking to players the way you are. It's shamefull."
- Chief:"wtfs ur problem? shut up"
The same player runs up to Chief.
- XBL player:"Hey, man. I just wanna say that was a great shot. Nicely done."
- Chief:"fuck u"
Eugene is seen Sniping on top of the red base. Arbiter joins him.
- Arbiter:"So regarding you clan. Does it have a name?"
- Eugene:"Nope.Lables draw attention.That's not what we're after."
Eugene stops shooting and looks at Arbiter.
- Eugene:"Can I trust you guys?"
- Arbiter:"Of course."
Chief jumps over to them.
- Arbiter:"Why do you ask?"
- Eugene:"I've got something really fuckin' cool that I want to show you."
Chief jumps up and down.
- Chief:"no wai / :D [happy face] / wat is it?"
- Eugene:"[to Chief] You okay?"
- Arbiter:"Nicotine withdrawel."
- Eugene:"Oh yeah, that's a bitch. So, you two inparticular will find this ecspecially interesting. But it must remain absoulutly in between us, undertsand?"
- Arbiter:"We won't breath a word about whatever it is to anybody. [to Chief] Will we?"
- Chief:"[beat] no fucking wae dued"
In the apartment Greg is seen sadly gazing out the window.
Credits roll. The end.