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Scene 1: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Arbiter is using Jon's computer, watching gameplay videos of Minecraft. Meanwhile, Master Chief uses Jon's cellphone to play the roflcopter ringtune. After that, the ringtune stops playing.


  • Master Chief: times up lol / i wana surf teh innernets
  • Arbiter: Yes, you have very important things to search and it's not just because I'm using the computer. How I wish one week would go by -- just one -- during which you behaved and left me the hell alone. Just one day, even. One minute. One single, solitary second.
  • Master Chief: no shut up / ne way i rly does n33did the computir.
  • Arbiter: Oh okay, good -- so what you're saying is that you don't need it anymore?
  • Master Chief: its a liefes and deaths situashin arbitur / u gots 2 beleived me
  • Arbiter: You don't say.
  • Master Chief: YEAH IF YOU DUSNT LET ME USED IT IL FUCKING KILLED YOU
  • Arbiter: Oh, I think if you were going to "killed" me that you'd have done it by now. I asked grammer and it seems to think so.


Checks on the website.


  • Arbiter: Woops. I forgot tissues and lubricant were compulsory while surfing the web. Smart you, coming prepared.
  • Master Chief: dat sum sarcasms arbitur?/ hao many tiemes does we gots 2 went ovir this?? THE INERNETS IS 4 VAGINAS >:3 / WHAT THE HELL ELSE DID OBAMA BUILT TEH TUBES FOAR?
  • Arbiter: The global distribution of information? You're retarded, by the way.
  • Master Chief: ROFL YEAH ok / lets heard it foar informashins, everybody!!1one ne body? ne body?? nobody gives a fuck about informashins arbitur / informashins is boring. wow look, words ossim. ossim possim. nao vaginas on the othir hands? thats the shit write they're, brah / THATS MY SHIT
  • Arbiter: That's your shit, is it?
  • Master Chief: thats my shit brah
  • Arbiter: Well, your shit's gonna have to wait "brah", I'm busy.
  • Master Chief: well just sc00ched ovir then brah / we can gets bizzy togethir / dutch rudder mother fucker / no points cl33ning up twice rite? LOL
  • Arbiter: You're disgusting. I'm searching for gameplay videos, you fucking monkey.
  • Master Chief: wat gaemes? halos?
  • Arbiter: No, Chief. Not Halo.
  • Master Chief: YOU SUCK DICKS
  • Arbiter: Just some game that intrigues me that I think Jon is planning on getting soon.
  • Master Chief: WHAT FUCKING GAEM


Chief starts walking to the computer where Arbiter is.


  • Master Chief: ima told u rite nao arbitur, watever it is it beter gots sum tight ass mutha fuckin graffix


Then Chief climbs on the shelf of the table where the computer is.


  • Master Chief: IF ITS SUM RETARTED ANCIENT ASS HIPSTER BABY SHIT AGEN LIEK FUCKING LION KING IMA KICK UR ASS BACK 2 UR HOEM PLANITS


After Chief walks up to the computer, he looks at the screen of the computer showing a video about Minecraft. Then he slowly turns around to Arbiter.


  • Arbiter: I think it looks quite brilliant in its simplicity. It does get deep, yet remains charmingly undenanding.


Master Chief then turns back to the screen.


  • Arbiter: It's not an awful lot to look at obviously, but if a game is enjoyable couldn't care less about how it looks.
  • [Minecraft Sheep]: Baa!
  • Arbiter: It took me a while to find a video that wasn't a house tour with a slobbery, pre-pubescent close-to-the-nike narration.
  • Commentator: *Slobbery inhales and exhales*. ? (Slobbery voice): Hello fellow youtubers, you're listening to SpunkyCabbage8===D--o:, and welcome to my Minecraft server. Or uh, "world" if you will. *Swallows saliva then slobbery exhales*. As you can see, this is my hous that I built, or uh "constructed" if you will. *Slobbery inhales*. Why don't you follow me inside and uh..we can take a little peak around. Uh..a tour, if you will.
  • Arbiter: What an asshole. Or "sphincter", if he will.
  • Commentator: Well, I suppose you don't have much choice but to follow me, do you? *Chuckles* what with the ? uh..this being a video and all, or a captured gameplay clip if you will.
  • Arbiter: Christ almighty, that's fucking horrifying. It's like you can hear every single molecule of saliva shifting from one spot to another.
  • Commenator: (Slobbery voice): The house is been constructed with stone, or coal stone if you will. *Swallows saliva*. This is the main room, or the uh..living quarters if you will. *Swallows saliva*. And uh..this is the kitchen, or the kitchen if you will. This is where I prepare the mouth-watering meals to replenish my health. Mmmm. *Swallows saliva*.
  • Arbiter: Fuck off.? That is ridiculous -- that cannot be genuine. He's taking the piss.


Arbiter stands up and looks at Chief.


  • Arbiter: Alright, you want the computer? Five minutes, tops. I'm not finished with it yet. I'm just gonna get some cereal.


After Arbiter walks away, then slowly turns around, he sees Chief instantly frozen.


  • [Minecraft Sheep]: Baa!
  • Arbiter: What's your problem? What, did the game's low-resolution textures and miniscule polygon count overload your circuits or something? I'm sure you'll recover.
  • [Microsoft Sheep]: Baa!
  • Arbiter: Five minutes from now and you'll be bouncing off the walls and hurling insults at me as usual.


Then Arbiter walks away while Master Chief is frozen, watching the Minecraft clips.



Scene 2: Four Days LaterEdit

Master Chief remains frozen while Arbiter plays some video games.


  • [Minecraft Sheep]: Baa!
  • Arbiter: Best week of my life.


End credits.

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