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← "Broken" "Burned" "Black" →

Scene 1: Emma's ServerEdit

[shot of Boardwalk on Emma's server, with Emma giving a speech to her clan members]

EMMA: And finally, it's with tremendous gratitude that I say many congratulations are in order for our combined and tireless efforts in spreading awareness of our clan throughout the gaming network. Which, within the span of just a single month, have resulted in a recruitment of a staggering 4 new members.

[one player coughs in response]

EMMA: Alright, perhaps staggering isn't quite the appropriate term for describing that figure, but we shouldn't be disheartened for even the largest of movements begin with baby steps. I for one refuse to stand alongside the world's increasing amount of synics and share their poisonous belief that online gamers possess the needs and insurpressable desire to cause pain and misery from behind a mask of anonymity. I proudly choose to believe that most of them are, in fact, drastically more willing to engage in competitive yet friendly gameplay devoid of offensive language and cheating. We are living proof that the sort of people I speak of are not some creatures of myth, they're out there and the only way we'll connect and unify with them, in terms strengthening our clan and the principles that it stands for, is to expand our outreach, and the only way that will be accomplished is with an outright refusal to give in. The network is a beautiful thing and it's our task to make it shine.

Scene 2: HighlandsEdit

["Awake" is heard playing during Tyler's killing spree]

TYLER: That's it you fucking roaches! As futile as it is, fight back! Play what you can out of your few remaining minutes of online access, I insist!

[Tyler walks to the pelican wreckage, a warthog flys from the hill and hits the ground. The players in the warthog attempt to frag Tyler; the warthog gun overheats]

WARTHOG PASSENGER: Man fuck this shit, that ain't right man, that ain't right.

[the warthog gun cools down; the gunner attempts to kill Tyler, with no effect]

TYLER: Suck on my red rockets, motherfucker!

[Tyler launches a rocket at the warthog immediatley destroying it and fragging all the players on board]

[Tyler notices the fleeing warthog passenger and pursues him]

TYLER: And just where the fuck are you going, huh? Get your ass back here you little bitch! There's no escape sucker, you're done! All you've got control over right now is how much buckshot I blast up your cornhole! You hearing me?

[Tyler finally frags and bans the fleeing player, then plays with his corpse (shooting at it, teabagging it, hitting it)]

TYLER: Yeah, what did I say huh, what the fuck did I tell you?! I told you, didn't I asshole?! I don't care if you are not around to enjoy this, I'm going to smack the living shit out of you! Yeah, you like that? You like my balls slapping against your face? You fucking love it don't you? Take it!

[Tyler continues to play with the corpse]

[Eugene is speaking to Michelle by phone]

EUGENE: Yes Michelle, that's great, I'm so fully super stoked for you okay? No I'm not just saying that, come on who do you think you're talking to here? Listen babe, I'm kinda in the middle of something with my clan right now, can we talk later? Awesome, peace. [hangs up]

EUGENE: Michelle's doing surprisely well so far in this cash-prize tournament she's enlisted herself in, but fuck me, she's really letting it get to her head, won't stop going on about it. She thinks she actually stands a chance in winning the million, can you believe that? it's sad but I can't help but laugh, I think she actually thinks that she can contend with me in terms of skill, when the fuck is she gonna learn?

COLIN: So you were in the middle of telling me about your high school administrations questioning you and Tyler before she called? What was that about?

EUGENE: You remember when the three of us were squaring off against those two bitches in that server that was twitted for roleplay? Brody and Kyle. Brody was the guy in yellow. He was also the one who Tyler tailed after school a little afterwards. Tyler nearly busted his head open. Like the little pussy that he is, Brody went to the faculty and pointed the finger with a strong suspicion that it was either Tyler or me.

COLIN: What happened?

EUGENE: Jack shit, neither Brody nor the faculty had a shed of solid proof linking either me or Tyler to the beating, and we both denied any knowledge or involvement. Solid Alibis, the majority of our student body shitting their pants at the sight of us and are willing to do or say just about whatever we want. That little fucker Brody needs to learn that he isn't allowed to put up a fight against me, so we quite generiously stole his bag today to teach him another valuable lesson. Had all his homework and computer and shit in it, we chucked it in the river (short laughs).

[Eugene and Colin observe Tyler still playing with the body]

COLIN: I think that Tyler might be enjoying himself just a little too much.

EUGENE: The guy's as high as a kite and teetering on a full blown heart attack after cracking open at least a dozen energy drinks today alone. Besides, I thought that enjoying ourselves to the fullest extent was the whole idea. And if you insist on chucking stones from inside your glass house, I suggest that you at least refrain from hurling boulders, you'll throw your back out.

COLIN: What the hell are you talking about?

EUGENE: You know exactly what I'm talking about, you still doing your interesting spin on mingling on those I.R.C servers of yours?

[beat]

COLIN: No.

[beat]

EUGENE: You're full of shit.

COLIN: I'm not.

EUGENE: Don't ask me how, but I get the feeling that Tyler isn't going to take too kindly to your proposition.

COLIN: I couldn't give less of a shit about how he takes it, it's not even a proposition, it's what we're doing, and if Tyler objects then he is more than welcome to either take his leave or jerk me off. Fragban 2.0 is my product, and if he wants to indulge then he is going to have to obide by my rules.

[Tyler finishes his business with the corpse and jetpacks to where Colin and Eugene are standing]

TYLER: You're a god-damn genious Colin, This patch is fuckin' money! Cold hard cash son! I haven't had this much fun since the two of us smacked the shit out of all those car windows.

COLIN: Well I hope you had your fill because effective immediately, any further use of the software isn't permitted until I say otherwise.

TYLER: What the fuck? Are you high? You're aware of how stoned I am on a constant basis, so surely you must also know that when I ask somebody else whether or not their high, that somebody has some explaining to do.

COLIN: One, I am obliged to explain jack shit to you. Two, we've already discussed the matter. Were you tuned in to all our earlier conversations, or is playing all that absurdly violent dubstep of yours in an ear-splitting volume finally melted your brain?

TYLER: When you told me you wanted to kick this off starting on a small scale, I didn't realize that you'd be having us pull out so god-damned quickly. We just barely gotten our dicks wet with this patch for Christ's sake! Don't be so fucking paranoid man!

COLIN: I'm not paranoid.

[Tyler approaches Colin's elite character model trying to intimidate him]

TYLER: Yeah you are motherfucker! And it's hardly any wonder, you live alone married to your computer, and you haven't stepped out of your apartment or torn up any pussy! That isn't mount on the end of a plastic handle for at least a decade, and it's made you a sick paranoid fuck!

[Colin raises his magnum and aims it at Tyler's head. Tyler equips his rocket launcher and aims at the ground in response. The noise section of the fifth track starts playing]

TYLER: You pop a single fucking cap, and I'll vaporize the three of us!

EUGENE: No you won't! Both of you monkeys put your god-damn weapons down, nobody's fucking shooting anybody!

COLIN: I generously provided you with my software against vastly superior judgment, you're a volatile and substance abusing basket-case and I consider you to be an enormous liability! But Eugene somehow has complete faith in you and luckily for you, I trust Eugene. But now I'm seriously considering going with my gut and putting a bullet in yours. I'm just barely willing to allow you to remain a part of this escapade, but only under the condition that we operate strictly on my terms.

EUGENE: It's temporary, Tyler, the three of us agreed that we'd play this safely, it's unlikely that the bans we dish out are going to be tied back to us but on the off chance that a method is found, shit is obviously going to go down better if only a minimal amount of damage has been done. Once we've secured the knowledge that we're safe, we'll be able to abuse the patch as much as we want as long as we want. Come on man, it's a relatively small sacrafice.

[Tyler walks away]

TYLER: Whatever, pussies.

COLIN: If you ever disrespect me or draw a weapon on me again, I'll blow what molten scraps are left in your disintegrated brain out the back of your skull!

EUGENE: Hey, we're serious. No going renegade motherfucker.

[Eugene's father comes into Eugene's room and insults his son]

EUGENE'S FATHER: Jesus fucking Christ Eugene! Every time, every god-damn time I set my eyes on you, your playing that medal of war black ops game on that Dreamcast Wii or whatever the fuck that is. You're a waste of fucking space and organs, you know that?!

EUGENE: You're way off, this is Medals of Honor Black Ops 3. And at least I can say that my hobbies strengthens my hand eye cordination, if nothing else. The polar opposite effect of yours you alcoholic piece of shit.

EUGENE'S FATHER: What the fuck did you just say to me? Let me remind you that I'm your father and regardless of how I spend my time, you'll show me this with the utmost god-damn respect! You speak to me in that way again and you'll be outside picking your FUCKING TEETH OFF OF THE SIDEWALKS!

EUGENE: You're talking to me about respect?! Why don't you show Madeline some respect?! You don't give a flying fuck that she's slipping into death do you?! Hell are you even aware?!

EUGENE'S FATHER: YOU FUCKING [bleep] COME HERE!

EUGENE: What the fuck are you doing? Let go of me! HEY! [screams as his father burns his face with a lit cigarette]

EUGENE'S FATHER: You know the drill boy, cover that shit up.

[Eugene's father leaves the room, leaving an injured Eugene in his room.]

EUGENE: Son of a bitch! Got enough cigarette burns to look like I have a permanent fucking case of chicken pox.

[Eugene walks away from Tyler and Colin]

EUGENE: I hope you two enjoyed the fucking show.

Scene 3: Jon's HallwayEdit

[When Master Chief is playing a match of Halo Reach, he sees Arbiter appear in the hallways.]

CHIEF: WELL TICKLE MAI BALLS AND CALL ME UR DARLING LITTLE PRINCESS / WHOS THAT POKEYMAN? / ITS HITMONCHAN / my face still kills, a$$hole / >:( / spank u 4 that, spank u very much / u ever pulled that shit again and ill fucking killed u so super hard / does u understood?

ARBITER: Consider yourself lucky -- a punch in the face is the bare mininum of what you're due, Chief. I acknowledge the parts that I played in driving away both Cortana and Greg and I'm fucking ashamed of them, but a disgusting abundance of the blame lies with you. Congratulations -- it's down to just you and me again. Not only that, but you then have the nerve to literally throw yourself a god-damn party in celebration of Greg leaving. Jesus Christ -- your behavior is fucking sickening. I hope you're happy with yourself.

[Master Chief pauses his game and steps down from the couch to talk to Arbiter.]

CHIEF: I MITE B :D IF UD STOPPED BEING SUCH AN ENORMOUS DICK SUCKING PU$$Y AND NOT BITCH SLAPPED EUGENE IN THE FACE WHEN HE OFFERED US BOTH OF THE PAIR OF US 2 FREE PASSES TO LIEK -- INFINITY FUCKING FUNS

ARBITER: Oh, poor you. How my heart bleeds. If it's any consolation to you, I'm far from fond of shutting out the sole person we've met online who, up until yesterday, I genuinely believed that I could call a friend. But unfortunately I don't happen to equate fun with bricking the consoles of countless players into two hundered dollar paperweights. And if you had any decency, neither would you.

CHIEF: WELL THAT WOODNT EXACKLY B BRAND SPANKING NEW TERRITORIES THAT WE WOOD B CAPTURING NAO WOOD IT? / Y IN THE FLYING FUCKS IS IT SUDDENLY A PROBLEMS NAO HUH?

ARBITER: Because now it's about abusing that software at the expense of innocent people purely for our own amusement rather than utilizing it out of necessity on people who are deserving of being banned, you ass clown.

CHIEF: NO U

ARBITER: Brilliant. What a thought provoking riposte.

[Arbiter realizes that Chief keeps glancing towards the table where Cortana is usually standing at.]

ARBITER: Why do you keep glancing towards the table?

CHIEF: huh? / no raisins, no raisins at all. / WAT R U EVEN TALKING ABOUT / IM NOT GLANCING AT THE TABLE / UR FUCKING RETARTED

ARBITER: Jesus fuck.

[Arbiter leaves Master Chief alone. Secretly, Chief glances at the table wondering if an apparition of Cortana is going to appear again.]

Scene 4: Jon's Living RoomEdit

[A while later, Chief talks to Arbiter while he is playing a match of Halo Reach]

CHIEF: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT -- k arbitur. / k h33rs wat were gonna do. / k? / k h33r it is. / u lissening? / im gonna axe u 1 last times 2 reconsidered ur positions -- and b4 u answered mai quest chin, ur gonna thot about it. / hard. / very long, and very hard. / LOL

ARBITER: My sides.

CHIEF: then ur going 2 gave me ur answers, k? / and if u decided to banned ppl w/ me and eugene then thats super ossim. / ossim possim. / butt if u rly still doesnt wanted 2, then i swore on the lives of everybody who holds my d33rs that i wont get mad, bro. / i will respect ur decisions, bro. / thats a fax, bro. / k / so can we pls banned ppl w/ eugene, bro?

ARBITER: No.

[Master Chief feeling enraged by Arbiter's instant answer, tosses a controller towards the kitchen in anger.]

ARBITER: Hey! Those are expensive, asshole!

CHIEF: U COCK SUCKING RETARTED ASS PIECE OF SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UR GODDAMN PROBLEMS HUH / MEBBEH IMA JUST USED EUGENES SOFTWARE W/ OUT U / WAT DOES U THOT ABOUT THAT?

ARBITER:    Eugene might like you, but there isn't a chance in hell that he'd trust you with that patch without my involvement. Besides, even if he did and you attempted to carry out your plan, I'd just switch off the console.   

CHIEF: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

[Master Chief jumps off the couch and walks away]

CHIEF: FUCK THIS SHIT AND FUCK U, IM GOING 2 BED

ARBITER: Thank Christ.

CHIEF: G00D IDEAS, UD BETTER FUCKING THANKED HIM 4 GRANTING ME THE PATIENTS TO REFRAIN FROM BEATING UR A$$

ARBITER: "Patients"? You sure you don't feel crowded already with all those "deer" of yours? Speaking of -- who's going to hold them now, huh? How many do you have? Do you have a variety? Elk? Moose? I suppose the latter goes without saying -- this is Canada after all.

CHIEF: SHUT UR STUPID FUCKING FACE

ARBITER: Dipshit.

[The Arbiter gets no response, Chief leaves him alone]

Scene 5: BreakpointEdit

YOUNG PLAYER: For christ's sake dude, it isn't even that hard to get, you'll be given plenty more opportunities, trust me on that. And I mean this would be considered a outrageous reaction from somebody my age but listening to your voice I have to ask, how old are you, like 50? Come on don't you have much bigger fish to fry then the likes of this?

JEFFREY: Never you mind how fucking old I am, you don't have the slightest fucking idea how hard I've been busting my ass trying to get that achievement, I had it! I fucking had it! That is until your little bitch ass waltz along and stole my fucking kill. You're nothing more than a goddamn thief! Can I ask you a serious question? How in the hell do you sleep at night?

[a baby is heard crying over Jeffrey's microphone]

WOMAN: That's it Jeffrey! That is fucking it! I've had it with you! I've said this time and time again, but this is really and truly the final straw! You left our infant daughter in the bathtub unattended to play video games? The hot water was running on full, she's been scalded! What the hell is your problem? When you're gonna grow the fuck up?

[Arbiter walks up to Jeffrey and the Young Player]

JEFFREY: Goddamnit bitch! can't you see that I'm in the middle of a match? Get off my ass!

ARBITER: Couldn't help but overhear of your abandonment of your parental responsibilities and your beratement of a player decades younger than you. Over what -- an achievement? What's the matter with you? Bugger off and mend your priorities, you dickless lunatic.

[Jeffrey walks off]

JEFFREY: Hey! Hey! that rocket launcher's mine motherfucker! I saw it first! Don't you even think about picking it up!

WOMAN: Jeffrey! Shut up your stupid fucking video game right this second and call a goddamn ambulance!

YOUNG PLAYER: Thanks, I guess. Sure is hell wish there were more players like you populating the network.

[green player walks off]

EUGENE: Well howdy there, sheriff!

[cut to Arbiter and Eugene facing each other, then cut to Eugene's face]

[silent credits]

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