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← "Dough Eyes" "Chaos Theosis (Episode)" "Fired Up" →

Scene 1: BoneyardEdit

Cut to TOSERS headquarters. OMN administrator Allen Radcliffe is seen discussing live with the audience the situation that has arisen and the demands that Chaos Theosis brought up.


  • Allen Radcliffe: Hello. I'm Allen Radcliffe, administrator of the online multiplayer network. As many of you are already aware due to the viral spread of a hacker clans' video of demands, the network and its subscribers are facing a significant threat. The clan "Chaos Theosis", through as of yet unidentified exploits of hardware and software, has given themselves the ability to permanently ban any player from the network instantaneously. The clan has agreed to cease their actions on the condition that the terms of use enforcement response squad, our in-game moderation force, be terminated from the network. We realize our response will likely alarm our subscribers, but we firmly refuse to meet this condition and in fact wish to reinforce our squad's presence, in hopes of tracking and neutralizing the threat ourselves. This situation has not emerged from a lack of understanding; we believe it more unwise to give in and to leave the network completely vulnerable in the mere hopes that the clan hold up their end of the deal. The OMN is working closely and diligently around the clock with TOSERS to locate and patch the game's software exploits, and to remove the hackers from play respectively.


Cut to Chaos Theosis wreaking havoc with their hacks and frag-banning other players from the network.


  • Allen Radcliffe: We believe we can contain the threat quickly enough that manual shutdown of the multiplayer service won't be necessary. But understand that by continuing to play online until we do so, you are taking a risk. Should you encounter these hackers, you are advised not to quit the game or turn off your console, as TOSERS has informed us that doing so will also result in a permanent ban. It is instead recommended that you aproach your supervising moderator if one is present, and remain in safe cover until the match expires. I, on behalf of the entire administration sincerely apologize for these unfortunate circumstances, and assure that these delinquents will be punished to the fullest extent.


OPENING CREDITS


On the map, Boneyard, A member of TOSERS named "Keenan" is seen walking around in an empty area. Meanwhile, Adam is seen walking around alone as well, arguing with his mother.


  • Mrs. McIntyre: Adam!
  • Adam: (frustratedly) What?!
  • Mrs. McIntyre: Grandma isn't feeling well and is in the room next to yours trying to get some sleep. All she can do is hear you screaming obscenities
  • Adam: For christ's sake mom, it isn't even 10 yet! Why the fuck isn't she in a home yet anyway?!
  • Mrs. McIntyre: I actually found her in tears, you know that? She can't believe for the life of her that you talk the way that you do. Do you have anything to say to that?
  • Adam: Yeah, bring me up some Jell-O. And no bananas, fruit's fucking gay!


Adam finds Keenan that was wandering around earlier.


  • Adam: Bingo!
  • Keenan:  Shit! (presses a button) Uh HQ, This is Keenan. I believe I got a positive I.D. on Chaos Theosis.
  • Adam: (patronizingly) How's it going, Officer Fangnuts? You taking down all those pesky online criminals?
  • Keenan: Stop right there!
  • Adam: Make me, dick fart!


Keenan begins shooting at Adam, only for his weapons to bounce off of Adam's Overshield.


  • Adam: Why don't you retarded mother fuckers let this sink in already? You can't beat us! Especially not me! Except your mother, she beat me before I blew a load in her eye! (snickers)
  • Keenan: Damnit!


Keene tries to escape, but is blown up and banned by Adam's Rocket.


  • Adam: That's right, run you fucking pussy! Not like it's going to do you any good! Who's next?! (re-loads and walks away)


A player in yellow is seen running by until he is killed by a player sporting a Needle Rifle. The player is Kylie, also from Chaos Theosis. Also joining Kylie in attacking other players in Duncan.


  • Kylie: I'm in awe at nearly everything that comes out of that kid's mouth.
  • Duncan: He's the face of a new generation. Video games are today's babysitters. Kids like Adam are raised on an explicit online battleground where actions don't have any real consequences. He shit his pants the other day while he was playing.
  • Kylie: Jesus! AGAIN?
  • Duncan: (chuckles) Yeah! He's having so much fun with this he refuses to get up and go to the bathroom, he just sits there in his own piss and shit. There's a name for it I think.
  • Kylie: Nintenditis
  • Duncan: Yeah!
  • Kylie: His parents should really do something. That's outrageous.
  • Duncan: Truly outrageous.
  • Kylie: Truly, truly, TRULY outrageous.
  • Duncan: Naw, they let him call the shots for way too long now. People get used to a way of living and they see anything taken away as an inbalance, regardless of what's fair. He'd start a war. I know his mom has no idea what to do with him as it stands. She's yanking her hair out everyday. (kills an Aqua-colored player with his rocket) BUT maybe we're not exactly in the greatest position to talk about fairness.
  • Kylie: We're doing people a favor, not only in getting rid of these fucking moderators, but knocking the online tit away from their handful of this new generation. Then maybe they'll man up a little. If arceny's the sign of things to come, by the time the new one starts running things, I think I'll run a warm bath and slash my fucking wrists. I haven't been able to hold a relationship with a guy for more than a couple of months, they've all been geeky, obsessive man-children who care more about games and stupid comic book bullshit, than what's actually happening around them.
  • Duncan: I thought you considered yourself a gamer girl?
  • Kylie: Well yeah, but there's a line obviously. I devote more than 50% of my time to real-life, which is the way it should be. Being a geek is the new "in-thing," if you play games all fucking day, everyday, you're not looked down as a social-retarded cunt, it means your're "hardcore," and that's super cool.
  • Duncan: Oh boy, us gamers huh?
  • Kylie: "Us gamers?" Whoa nelly.


Two Spartan Players, One Red and one Aqua approach Kylie while she's talking to Duncan.


  • Xbox-Live Player #1: Hey, get back in the Kitchen! The hell are you doing playing Video Games? Make me a goddamn PB&J already!
  • Xbox-Live Player #2: (Chuckles) Dude!
  • Kylie: You'll have plenty of time to make your own, provided you're not too busy jerking it, you little bitch!


Kylie then kills and bans the Aqua-Colored Player. The Red one tries to escape but is killed too by Kylie.


  • Duncan: Does that stuff piss you off when you hear it?
  • Kylie: I don't give a shit. But it's a little annoying hearing it in just about every single game. Not to mention, half the time it's coming from you, you misogynist asshole!
  • Duncan: Hey, based purely on personal observation, chicks typically suck at games and yes, I'm competitive and I get mad if they're on my team. You know enough about playing and hacking this game that I'm convinced that you have a penis. But if you really don't then your the exception to the rule. You're the best chick I've ever seen play.
  • Kylie: (sarcastically) You're so sweet Duncan.
  • Duncan: Well, shucks!


A Brown Spartan is seen running around, but then stops and looks around, realizing that he's all alone. The Player then runs up to the ledge of the building to see if anyone is around,


  • Xbox-Live Player #3: What the hell? Hello? Where'd everybody go? Damn, did I get dropped out again? Man, ISP sucks so hard.


Suddenly, Clyde sneaks up from behind the player and frags him with a Melee Kill and the player falls off the ledge. Clyde is then joined by Kylie, Adam, and Duncan as they each stare off the ledge with Clyde.


  • Adam: This is so fucking tight! I'm gonna be real sad when all this is over!
  • Mrs. McIntyre: Adam, I need you downstairs. (sniffs and grunts) What the hell is that smell? Please don't tell me that you pissed yourself again Adam! The bathroom is right across the hall, how many times?!
  • Adam: GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
  • Duncan: Facepalm.

Scene 2: Sword BaseEdit

Music starts playing as players all across the map mutilate each other as Chief starts laying down "ground rules".

Master Chief: Um excuese me. Hay excuese me gaiz! Excuese me gaiz im a Toser not suer if gaiz notise. U guise. U guise im a Toser! Im a Toser u guise! That m33ns u gaiz gots 2 do watever i sayz ok u guise. If i tells u gaiz 2 does sumthign u guise gots 2 do it ok gaiz. U gots 2. U dosnt has a choise ok guyz. If u gaiz dosnt wana then thats 2 bad lol cos u gots 2 cos im a Toser!

Random Player: Shut up!

Master Chief: WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY 2 ME!? HAY! THATS NO WAI 2 SP33K 2 A TOSER LIEK ME!

Silent Strike: Stop cussing! Don't make me tell you again please!

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

Scene 3: Condemned Edit

The scene changes to Chaos Theosis's HQ on the map, Condemned. Duncan is seen waiting for Adam, Kylie, and Clyde to show up. Kylie enters the scene.


  • Kylie: Hey!
  • Duncan: What's up?
  • Kylie: I dunno. What's this about? I got a lot of shit I could be doing right now.
  • Duncan: (Jokingly) Like brushing your hair?
  • Kylie: (Sarcastically) You're funny.
  • Duncan: I know! Clyde said it was about the Network and Mods and Stuff.


Adam enters while arguing with his Mother.


  • Mrs. McIntyre: There's a chance she might not make it through the night, Adam! She says she'd really like to see you!
  • Adam: I don't give a fuck! I'm in the middle of a Clan Meeting and the Hospital's like an hour from here! It's not like Grandma ever got me anything cool anyway! Just Socks and other stupid shit!
  • Mrs. McIntyre: She got you that game you're playing now!
  • Adam: No! She bought me Mass Effect, which I didn't even want, and I had walk all the way to the goddamn store to get it exchanged! RPGs suck dick! Everybody just talks all the fucking time! I just wanna kill shit!


Kylie shakes her head in embarrassment and disappointment at Adam's bickering, A door slams loudly.


  • Adam: I told you not to slam the door, Bitch! Don't ever do that again, you hear me?!
  • Kyle: Are you done?
  • Duncan: If there is a Hell, I think the Devil has a plaque for your personal corner, Adam.
  • Adam: Whatever!
  • Kyle: You know, I think your mom would get a free pass to the Pearly Gates when her time comes if she snaps and decided to drown you in a tub.


Clyde finally appears by walking down a ramp to join the other three members.


  • Clyde: They refused us.
  • Adam: Huh?
  • Clyde: The Administration responded to us publicly. The Enforcement Squad isn't budging. In fact, they're now doubling their efforts in the hopes of getting rid of us.
  • Duncan: Are you serious?
  • Adam: What a bunch of fucking idiots! Whatever, more fun for us!
  • Clyde: Savor it. All they've done is bought TOSERS a few days. Plan B is well underway and a week from now at most they'll cease to exist.


Chaos Theosis stand together.

end credits roll.

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