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This is the transcript to the 6th episode of Arby 'n' the Chief in L.A., entitled Clash of the Titans.

Scene 1: Brofessional Gamers's Living Room Edit

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

Scene 2: Brofessional Gamers's Kitchen Edit

In the Kitchen, The Arbiter is sitting at the table, across from both Mario and Luigi.


  • Mario: Well, if it isn't... What is it?... The Arbiter. Fateful Sidekick to the new face of Video Games
  • Arbiter: New face?
  • Mario: What? You haven't seen? You visit any webpage, grab any magazine based on Video Games, and who is the first character you see? Master Chief!
  • Arbiter: I guess that's kind of true.
  • Mario: Unacceptable!


While speaking, Mario knocks on a plastic cup off the table to emphasisze his point.


  • Arbiter: That was an overreaction. Did you have that cup in front of you just so you could do that?
  • Mario: Ever since my first games on the Nintendo Entertainment System decades ago, I've steadily delivered quality titles to the World. I was once the face of gaming and rightfully so! Then that one-dimensional, armored Shithead comes along!
  • Arbiter: Master Chief?
  • Mario: Such a new and flat character has no place among the gaming titans!
  • Luigi: Hey, both of us were the face of gaming. Mama-mia! We did everything together.
  • Mario: You shut up Luigi! Everyone thinks you're retarded!
  • Arbiter: Oh yeah, 'cause Mario's such a dynamic character, what with blindly rescuing Peach from the same fucking bad guy over and over for the past thirty years without learning anything.
  • Mario: My games may not have much story. But the gameplay is-a solid, like pre-boiled pasta!
  • Arbiter: Pasta similes? I get it, 'cause you're the Mario Brothers.
  • Mario: (leans over to look behind Arbiter) TOAD!! WHERE IS MY LINGUINI?!!
  • Toad: It's coming! Fuck, man...
  • Arbiter: Master Chief might not be much of a character, but at least he looks like he can whoop some ass and he's not some fat midget fuck in overalls. However, your games definitely have solid gameplay for the most part. I gotta give you that.
  • Mario: Each and every one of my games are astounding! What do you have?
  • Luigi: Our games, Mario.
  • Mario: You're nothing Lugi! I was always the one that saved you! And Peach!
  • Luigi: What about "Luigi's Mansion" Mario? Haven't you forgotten about "Luigi's Mansion?" Mama-mia! I hope you didn't forget about "Luigi's Mansion!"
  • Mario: Again with "Luigi's Mansion!" Always with "Luigi's Mansion!" For fuck's sake Luigi, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
  • Arbiter: Halo one was pretty cool.
  • Mario: Which YOU weren't even in!
  • Arbiter: No, but I was in two and three, so go suck a dick.
  • Mario: --Which weren't even that great!
  • Arbiter: Halo 2 was fun. So was Halo 3...for awhile. But now that Modern Warfare 2 is out, it's just so "meh" in comparison. You're right. You should really still be the face of gaming. You've earned that spot.


Mario starts pacing around in thought.


  • Mario: I'm not sure if I like you... I don't like you, but... I like you.
  • Arbiter: That's nice.
  • Mario: TOAD!!
  • Toad: It's ready, it's ready!
  • Arbiter: Wow. You actually make Toad cook for you. Douche.
  • Mario: I gave the world "Super Mario 64!" I deserve someone that cooks for me!
  • Luigi: Mama-mia! Always with "Super Mario 64!" Because Luigi wasn't in "Super Mario 64!"
  • Arbiter: Banjo-Kazooie was better.


Mario and Luigi turn and gasp in shock at Arbiter as he says his latest sentiment.


  • Luigi: Mama-mia!

Scene 3: Brofessional Gamers's Living Room Edit

This part of the transcript has not yet been filled in. You can help!

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