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This is the transcript of the Season 5 finale, Collapse.

Scene 1: The Church (Outside)Edit

Outside the Church's Entrance, Josh Butterballs and his Cameraman are seen doing a report on the current events only minutes away from the ceremony.


  • Josh Butterballs: I'm Josh with Severely Outdated Information Magazine and if you're just joining us we are live outside The Halo 3 Reach in-game church, holding the wedding of Trent Donnovich, which is about to start here pretty soon. Looks like his sisters are greeting the last of the guests...


Brittany and Victoria are seen briefly before they turn and head into the Church's entrance.


  • Josh Butterballs: --and are now heading inside, guess that's everybody.


Claire is seen standing on top of the Church's roof, staring out at the view awaiting for Arbiter. Trent then appears.


  • Trent: What are you doing up here?
  • Claire: It's bad luck to be seeing each other right now Trent.
  • Trent: Man you're not actually into that superstitious bullshit are you? So what's up, we gotta get this show on the road, everyone's here.
  • Claire: Everyone except Arbiter...
  • Trent: ...He's...probably got other stuff going on.
  • Claire: Like what?
  • Trent: I dunno, eating peanut butter?
  • Claire: He said he'd be here. I don't understand it. He hasn't even sent me a message or anything. I sent him a couple already.
  • Trent: You told me yourself he had a thing for you. Maybe this too much for him to handle or some gay shit like that. That or, he just doesn't care about you. C'mon lets do this thing.


Trent then turns and leaves to prepare for the wedding. Claire then reluctantly and hesitantly leaves as well.

Scene 2: Jon's ApartmentEdit

At Jon's Apartment, The Arbiter is seen pulling out a flash drive from Jon's laptop and holding a piece of paper with the cheats on it.


  • Arbiter: Alright, I'm done modding this GJC profile. Hope the guy's not too sore about this... I also typed a little list of the cheats we can use.


The paper that Arbiter is holding says the following:

L33T H4X


  • Destroy all explosive objects
  • Respawn all objects
  • Unlimited ability energy
  • Unlimited ammo

Arbiter then looks around looking for Chief.


  • Arbiter: ...Chief? Chief! Where are you? Lets do this thing, we're already late.
  • Master Chief: HOLD ON LOL


Master Chief is seen closing the Microwave door with a bowl inside of it. He presses some buttons on the Microwave with the numbers "1-3-3-7," Arbiter then finds Chief.


  • Arbiter: What the fuck?
  • Master Chief: MAKIN SUM MOTHA FUCKIN MAC N CH33Z3. U WANT SUM?
  • Arbiter: You can't eat now! We gotta get this show on the road! There's not a lot of time left!
  • Master Chief: arbitur im very hungry.
  • Arbiter: Eat after!
  • Master Chief: but im hungry tho. :'(
  • Arbiter: Shut up and come on!
  • Master Chief: OMG I AM SOOOOOOOOO HUNGRY THO
  • Arbiter: And cancel that. You don't microwave shit for thriteen minutes unless you want it hotter than the sun, retard.
  • Master Chief: MAYB33 I DOES


Master Chief follows after Arbiter to Jon's console. Arbiter plugs in the modded controller and account into Jon's console.


  • Arbiter: ...I can't believe we're doing this.
  • Master Chief: DONT TELL MEH UR HASING SECUND THOTS ARBITUR. DONT B A PUSSY
  • Arbiter: ...No. We have to stop it.
  • Master Chief: FUCK YEAR
  • Arbiter: But we could get into some serious shit. We'll be banned from online multiplayer at the very least. Not just Halo. Everything.
  • Master Chief: this shit is guna be wae 2 ossim, we shal pay teh prices arbitur, up high bros3ph and lets bring trent down low


Master Chief raises his hand, gesturing a high-five with Arbiter, who is hesitant.


  • Master Chief: DO NOT LEAVE ME HANGIGN PLXKTHX


Arbiter and Chief high-five.


  • Master Chief: :)

Scene 3: Church EntranceEdit

After the title card to the episode is shown, inside the Church we see several Halo players as the audience, along with Trent's sisters, Brian, and Trent himself looking down the isle. Claire is looking around for Arbiter but still to no avail. Outside, Josh and his Cameraman are still covering the event.


  • Josh Butterballs: I'm being told the bride is almost to make her way down the isle! We better head inside. Who what's this? Looks like late arrivals, there's always a couple...


Josh and his Cameraman turn to see Arbiter (now wearing his spec-ops) and Master Chief heading down to the Church's Entrance. Arbiter is carrying a magnum and DMR and Master Chief is carrying the Spartan Laser and Assault rifle.


  • Josh Butterballs: They're going to be disappointed now that the ceremony's in progress, I believe further guest access is denied. Jeez, looks from here that they're armed to the teeth. I wasn't aware that game-type rules allowed for guests to carry anything but plasma pistols. Could be extra security personnel.


Master Chief and Arbiter approach the Church's lobby.


  • Master Chief: h33r cums teh cheef, w/ his frend whos a qu33f, bettar sae bai bai, cuz ur all gona die!!11 ROFL
  • Arbiter: Very fitting, Chief.
  • Master Chief: ur moms very fiting
  • Cody: Take another step, and we drop you where you stand.


Cody and Cameron uncloak themselves and point their weapons at Arbiter and Chief.


  • Cameron: You guys are good right there. So what's the deal, you guys got a death wish?
  • Cody: I don't know how the hell you got back in here, but you're going straight back out. I can tell you that!
  • Master Chief: fuck u


Master Chief points his gun at Cody.


  • Cameron: Look, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The end results are going to be the exact same. The question is--
  • Arbiter: This wedding will NOT happen.


Arbiter points his gun at Cameron.


  • Master Chief: we r gaiz who gone t33ch u less0n, LOLOLOLOL!1!!one!1
  • Arbiter: The only question is which one of you mother fuckers wants to die first. Work it out between yourselves. You've got five seconds.
  • Cameron: Hey, you've got four seconds to turn the fuck around and scuttle on out of here before we put you down! Your bitch is gone, deal with it!
  • Arbiter: I revoke my offer. You die first. Three.
  • Cameron: TWO! We'll also get the admin to perma-ban you from the entire network, is that what you idiots want?!
  • Cody: Turn around, NOW!
  • Arbiter: One.
  • Master Chief: ZERO
  • Arbiter: Now, Chief.


Suddenly, several Warthogs surrounding the group explode. Arbiter and Master Chief have detonated them with their cheats. This draws Cody and Cameron's attention, distracting them.


  • Cameron: WHAT THE FUCK?!
  • Cody: WHOA!


Cameron and Cody turn around to see the explosions. With the distraction, Arbiter and Master Chief frag and kill them both with a melee kill. Arbiter kills Cameron and Chief kills Cody.


  • Arbiter: Play to win, bitches. Game, set, and match.
  • Master Chief: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! PWN3D


As the explosions finish up, Master Chief picks up and replaces his gun with Caermon's Sniper Rifle.


  • Master Chief: ILL TAEK THAT, LOL THX BUDDY

Scene 4: Church AlterEdit

As Claire is coming down the isle, she pauses and hears the noise outside. Trent's staff also turns to see where the noise is coming from.


  • Brittany: Did you hear that?!
  • Trent: Hear what?
  • Brittany: I heard something.


Trent bows down so that way he can contact Cameron and Cody.


  • Trent: Commander Jones, Hammond, come in.


There is no response.


  • Trent: Cameron, Cody, do you copy? Jesus, you can't fucking rely on anybody these days.
  • Victoria: Brittany and I are gonna go scope things out from the roof. Keep everything moving. We'll be right back.
  • Brian: Understood.


Brittany and Victoria leave


  • Brittany: Claire, move your tush girl!
  • Trent: Yeah, I wanna play Dead Space 2. Bought it this morning and haven't even had a chance to open the fucking packaging because of this, lets go!

Scene 5: Church EntranceEdit

Arbiter and Chief are now at the front of the Church's entrance.


  • Arbiter: Alright, we've got a small window of time here. Lets not mess around. First guy to take out is Brian. He can ban us right away. We're screwed no matter what but killing him should buy us a few minutes, and that's all this should take.
  • Master Chief: roger dodger
  • Arbiter: Once he's delt with, you take the sisters if they pose a problem.
  • Master Chief: them bitchez is mines, lol
  • Arbiter: Claire and Trent are off-limits. Clear? Leave them to me. Don't hit or detonate those fusion coils.
  • Master Chief: aw man, fien, on 1 condishiner
  • Arbiter: What?
  • Master Chief: i get 2 kils evrybody else
  • Arbiter: Chief are you aware what these weapons do? They steal account passwords and send them to those pricks. Were you even listening earlier?
  • Master Chief: not rly lol
  • Arbiter: We have to minimize casualties.
  • Master Chief: HAY this is a 1ce in a lieftiem oportunity 4 sum ultra lulz!!1, im not l33ving this place w/out putting a bulets in evry last guys fucking hed, ecksept trent and claire, i shal grants u that faver
  • Arbiter: You can't, Chief. Stealing account info can be seriously damaging.
  • Master Chief: foar fucks saek dude, well can i kil them w/out doign taht then?
  • Arbiter: Any weapons we pick up and even melee kills have the effect.
  • Master Chief: LETS C THAT LIST, WAT OTHER CH33TZ DO WE GOTS


Arbiter reaches over and pulls out his "L33T HAX" list for Chief to see.


  • Master Chief: RESPAWN CARZ, put taht 1 in


Arbiter puts in the cheat and all the Warthogs re-spawn automatically. Master Chief walks up one of the turrets on the back.


  • Master Chief: wat abot tourretttes?/
  • Arbiter: 'Turrets.'
  • Master Chief: turets, tahts wat i sez
  • Arbiter: I dunno. The guy never mentioned them.
  • Master Chief: BUT ARBITUR, it is not a regulir guns.
  • Arbiter: It's still a weapon. I don't think there'd be any difference..
  • Master Chief: SNIPAR OR TURET, i kil evrybodies eether way, pick 1
  • Arbiter: We're running out of time.
  • Master Chief: no shit
  • Arbiter: Alright, get on.
  • Master Chief: fuckin A


Arbiter hops into the Warthog's driver's side. Just as Chief hops onto the turret, the duo is stopped by Josh Butterball and his Cameraman, who are approaching them.


  • Josh Butterballs: Excuse me guys? Hey guys, can we have a quick word?
  • Master Chief: WHO IS U?
  • Arbiter: We're busy.
  • Josh Butterballs: I'm Josh Butterballs with Severely Outdated Information Magazine and we're covering this event live. Who are you, are you terrorists?
  • Arbiter: Terrorists? Please. Trent Donnovich is the bad guy here. He's an adultering asshole.
  • Master Chief: AND WERE HERE 2 FUCK SHIT U BABBY
  • Josh Butterballs: Adultering? Do you have evidence to support this claim? What else can you tell us?
  • Arbiter: We don't have time for this, Chief. Get on the fucking turret.
  • Josh Butterballs: Please, a lot of people are tuned into our broadcast, is there anything else you can share?


Chief hops on the turret and points it at Josh.


  • Master Chief: yeh how abot sum led mother fuckers
  • Josh Butterballs: NO!
  • Master Chief: HAHHAHAHAHAH


Chief guns down and kills both Josh Butterballs and his Cameraman. Arbiter then drives the Warthog into the Church's Entrance. Because of the Warthog's bulky size, Arbiter continues trying to force it through the doorway with some frustration.


  • Arbiter: Come on, you fat bitch.
  • Master Chief: wiggel teh stix arond
  • Arbiter: Yeah, no shit Chief.
  • Master Chief: lol
  • Arbiter: Tight fit.
  • Master Chief: liek ur mom, ROFL
  • Arbiter: Fair enough. I set myself up for that one.

Scene 6: Church AlterEdit

At the Church's Alter, Claire and Trent are now side-by-side as Brian commences with the service.


  • Brian: Trent Donnovich, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife? To love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, play matchmaking with her, and forsaking all other, keep yourself only onto her for so long as you both shall live?
  • Trent: Yeah.
  • Brian: And Claire Ferguson. Will you have this man to be your wedded husband? To love him, comfort him, honor and... keep him...?


Just as Brian is talking to Claire, he is cut off as a loud clattering is heard. Trent, Brian, and Claire turn to face the entrance.


  • Trent: What the fuck is that?


Everyone in the audience then turns to see where the noise is coming from as well. Some of them begin making concerned noises.


  • Trent: You've got to be kidding me...


The clattering is revealed to be Arbiter and Master Chief ridding in on the Warthog.


  • Claire: Arbiter?
  • Master Chief: 1st things 1st, heds ^ shithed


Master Chief hops off the turret of the Warthog and snipes Brian in the head, fragging him. Everyone in the audience begins screaming in terror.


  • Master Chief: AS 4 TEH REST OF U FUCKING LOSERS, I GOTS A QUEST CHIN 2 AXE U /ALL


Master Chief hops back onto the turret as everyone briefly stops screaming.


  • Master Chief: R U RDY 4 MAI QUEST CHIN? OK HERE IT IS. R U PENSILS? CUZ UR ABOT 2 B FULLLED W/ LED!1one!


Master Chief turns his turret at the audience and fires it at everyone in the audience, killing and fragging them all, except for Claire and Trent. A few try to escape being killed but are eventually killed as well.


  • Master Chief: TROLOLLOLOLOLOLLLLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Claire: (during Chief's massacre) Oh my god!
  • Arbiter: (during Chief's massacre) That was awful. No more puns please.


After killing everyone in the audience, Arbiter and Chief exit the Warthog and head down the aisle towards Trent and Claire.


  • Trent: CAMERON, CODY, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!
  • Arbiter: We've modded our weapons to ban fragged players. Your goons won't be around to help you anytime soon.
  • Claire: Arbiter, what the fuck?!
  • Arbiter: Sorry, Claire. I know I've broken my promise to you. But I was left no alternative.
  • Trent: Arbiter, stop! Listen to me!


Arbiter and Chief stop just as they reach Claire and Trent.


  • Trent: If you leave right now, I'll see to it that you keep your online access. Your one form of social interaction, don't forget that. If not, you can kiss it goodbye.
  • Claire: Will someone please tell what the hell this is all about?!
  • Trent: Leave, now.
  • Arbiter: Trent's having an affair.
  • Master Chief: LOOL
  • Trent: God dammit...
  • Arbiter: With the girl on the church's construction team. Based on their exchange Chief and I overheard, it's been going on for some time. He also had me banned from joining this server and blocked me from contacting you.


Claire turns and faces Trent after Arbiter tells her this.


  • Claire: Is this true? Trent, I asked you a question!


Trent looks up and back at Claire, looking guilty. Arbiter looks up after hearing a noise. It's revealed to be Trent's sisters piloting a Falcon. Brittany is operating the turret while Victoria is driving the vehicle, and they are not very happy over what has recently transpired with their brother's wedding being crashed.


  • Arbiter: Shit.
  • Victoria: You're gonna pay for this, you little pricks!
  • Arbiter: Back on the turret, Chief. Now.
  • Master Chief: KK
  • Victoria: Brittany, take out the hog!


Brittany destroys the Warthog with her turret before Arbiter or Chief can board it.


  • Arbiter: Fuck! Get to cover at the entrance. Go.


Master Chief leaves for the entrance. Arbiter then turns back to face Claire.


  • Arbiter: Claire, I know you're pissed, but I wouldn't be here doing this if I wasn't a hundred percent sure you're making a mistake.


Trent's sister then being firing at Arbiter.


  • Arbiter: Whoa.
  • Victoria: KILL THEM!
  • Brittany: I know, I'm like, totally trying to!

Arbiter escapes through the entrance before Trent's sisters can kill him. The sisters then head up and out to the roof to pursue Arbiter and Chief, leaving Claire and Trent alone inside the church.


  • Claire: Start talking.

Scene 7: Church EntranceEdit

Arbiter and Master Chief head out to the Church's Entrance after being pursued by Trent's sisters.


  • Arbiter: You're gonna have to take them out with that Spartan Laser. Now's the time to put that training to good use. I'll distract them from the lot. You head to the roof and take them out from there.
  • Master Chief: WHO MAED U BOSS? BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS BOSS
  • Arbiter: Don't argue with me! This isn't about being the boss! From the roof, they should be at your eye level. You'll have a better shot only having to aim along one axis. Go.


Master Chief leaves to head for the Church's roof. Arbiter then runs into the middle of the Church's parking lot, where he sees Trent's sisters in the Falcon, who are heading for him.


  • Arbiter: Over here!!

Scene 8: Church AlterEdit

As Chief runs up to the Church's roof, Claire and Trent are seen arguing at the alter about Trent's affair.


  • Claire: I can't fucking believe you, Trent! I don't even know what to say to you!
  • Trent: It was a fling, okay? That was it! I meant nothing!
  • Claire: No? Well it sure as hell means something to me!


Trent looks over and sees Chief running up to the roof


  • Master Chief: LOL DONT MIND ME, JUST PASING THRU
  • Trent: So that's it then, it's over?
  • Claire: I'm stunned you even have to ask.
  • Trent: (under his breath, furious) That Mother Fucker...!


Trent leaves to face off against Arbiter for ruining his wedding.

Scene 9: The Church (Outside)Edit

Trent's sisters continue trying to gun down Arbiter, who is running around still distracting them long enough for Chief to reach the Church's roof. Several Warthogs are destroyed, being blown up by Brittany on the turret. One of which hits Arbiter and knocks him over.


  • Arbiter: Holy shit!


Arbiter quickly recovers and resumes distracting the sisters, but has now been cornered at the edge of the parking lot. Master Chief fortunately has reached the top of the Church's roof.


  • Arbiter: Come on Chief, hurry your ass up!
  • Master Chief: IM COMIGN, LOL I SED CUMMING AGEN
  • Arbiter: Hilarious.
  • Master Chief: IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZAH


Master Chief charges up his Spartan Laser and prepares to blast the Falcon. Suddenly he stops and turns to notice something next to him.


  • Master Chief: OOOH, >:D hold on i gots a g00der idea


Master Chief heads off to see what it is he has spotted. Meanwhile, Arbiter takes cover besides a few nearby Warthogs as the sisters continue spraying him with the turret.


  • Arbiter: Chief! What are you waiting for?!


Arbiter has been spotted by the sisters and they proceed to destroy the Warthog he's hiding besides.


  • Master Chief: HAAAAY LAAAADIES


The sisters stop spraying Arbiter and they turn up to see Chief piloting another Falcon heading towards them.


  • Master Chief: UR GOING DOWN, NOTHING NEW RITE, ROFL!1one!1


Arbiter looks up at Chief in the Falcon, nothing happens.


  • Master Chief: UM HOW DOES I SHOT TEH GUNS LOL?
  • Arbiter: That's a Falcon, not a Hornet! Only a passenger can use the mounted Chaingun, dipshit!
  • Master Chief: WOOPSIE DAISIES, IMA JUST GO PUT THIS BACK K?
  • Arbiter: For fuck's sake.


Realizing they've been had, Trent's sisters follow after Chief and Brittany destroys his Falcon. Master Chief luckily manages to escape just in time before it explodes.


  • Master Chief: UH OH, ID BETAR MAEK LIEK A BANANANAS AND DOES TEH SPLITS
  • Brittany: What a dumbass.
  • Master Chief: SHUT UP, UR THE ONE WHO SET UP UR XBOX IN TEH KITCHEN, ARINT U AFRAID ITL GETS WET OR SUMTHIGN, LOLOLOLOLOL


Master Chief tries to fire his Spartan laser at the sisters, but they manage to avoid the blast. Arbiter comes out of hiding from besides the Warthogs.


  • Arbiter: Dammit, Chief! I'm the one whose suppose to be distracting them!


Suddenly, an enraged Trent Donnovich returns and begins to fire at Arbiter. Arbiter quickly hides again.


  • Arbiter: Ah!
  • Trent: You've ruined everything Arbiter!
  • Arbiter: You've brought this on yourself.
  • Trent: And to what end is this all for? HUH?!
  • Arbiter: For Claire.
  • Trent: WHY?! Do you think she loves you Arbiter? She doesn't! Who could? You're a fucking toy!
  • Arbiter: I love her.
  • Master Chief: HAHAHAH UR A FAGET
  • Arbiter: That's all the motivation I need.
  • Trent: Oh for god's sake, don't make me puke!


As Trent's sisters battle with Master Chief, just before they can take him out by spraying him, Chief activates a cheated Armor Lock ability and becomes immune to their spraying. Arbiter comes out of hiding to try and hunt down Trent.


  • Arbiter: It doesn't surprise me that a dose of emotion would have a toxic effect on an emotion-deprived cretin like you. Who's really the plastic one here? Your bleak outlook on life is poisonous. Maybe the world is a big sinking ship. But we can't accept that as an inevitability and use it as an excuse to act like shitheads. We have to be the change we seek. We have to build something better for ourselves.


As Arbiter lectures Trent, Trent is seeing hiding besides some Warthogs. His sisters meanwhile are still spraying Chief with bullets, but Chief's hacked Armor Lock continues to make him invincible.


  • Victoria: How is he still under armor lock?!
  • Brittany: I don't know!
  • Master Chief: PH33R MAI CH33TZ, LOL!


Finally, after spraying Chief for so long, Brittany's turret overheats and both sisters are forced to temporarily fall back to recharge and give the turret time to cool down. As they do, Arbiter continues to search for Trent, unaware that he is sneaking up behind him and shooting at him. With the sisters weakened, Master Chief takes aim and fires his Spartan Laser at the Falcon. This time, the sisters don't have time to evade it with their weapons still inaccessible due to overheating.


  • Master Chief: BAI BAI U DIE
  • Victoria: NOOOOO!!
  • Master Chief: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Victoria/Brittany: (screams)

The blast from Chief's Spartan Laser hits the Falcon dead on and destroys it, fragging both sisters at the same time. Trent looks up just as he's able to ambush Arbiter.


  • Trent: Oh shit.


The wreckage of the Falcon falls on top of Trent and explodes, splattering and killing him in game. Chief looks down at the sight.


  • Master Chief: YES, THAT WUZ THE SHIT
  • Arbiter: His sisters always did smother him too much.


The wreckage that was the Falcon disappears, leaving Trent's body. Claire then appears in the lot and stares are Arbiter. Arbiter turns and sees her. He then approaches her.


  • Arbiter: Claire...
  • Claire: I-I can't believe it...


Claire turns and looks back at Trent's body. Master Chief is seen heading down to the desolate altar.


  • Master Chief: doo d33 doo d33 doo d33 doo d33 doo, that wuz teh b33s kn33s


Master Chief stops and stares at the altar, proud of the work he's done. Suddenly, Trent reappears and kills Chief in game with a melee kill from behind. He never sees it coming.


  • Master Chief: OMG, :( O NO


With Chief dead in game, Trent picks up his hacked Spartan Laser and Sniper Rifle and heads out of the entrance. Back at Jon's Apartment, Arbiter and Chief are both shocked by the fact that Trent is still alive.


  • Arbiter: Oh, fuck.
  • Master Chief: I THOT WE KILED THIS BUTTHEAD
  • Arbiter: We didn't. The wreckage did...


Arbiter and Claire turn to face Trent, who is aiming at them with the hacked weapons.


  • Trent: I've got your friend's interesting toys, Arbiter.


Trent then stop and turns to aim at Claire.


  • Arbiter: What are you doing?
  • Trent: YOU did this, if you're going to take action you should be prepared to face the consequences!
  • Arbiter: Trent, don't frag her. Please. Point that at me.
  • Trent: Don't worry, you're going right after.


Trent turns and notices something.


  • Trent: Well would you look at this, the whole sha-bang is back.
  • Arbiter: What the hell?


Arbiter sees that Trent's entire church staff has returned (Brian, Cody, Cameron, Victoria, and Brittany) and they all surround Arbiter and Claire, ready to ban them on the spot.


  • Brian: Alright, I've lifted all the bans you placed. I hope you both realize you've not only violated the sacrosanct ceremony, but also my mellow, and the online terms of use severely so. Your account and console's network access will be terminated like, right now.
  • Trent: You've won the battle Arbiter, but you've lost the war. I'm loaded, I'll find another bitch. I'm pretty sure I can do a lot better anyway.
  • Claire: You are such a piece of shit, Trent!
  • Trent: You on the other hand are gonna be alone forever, but before you go, you're gonna observe the chaos you brought.
  • Arbiter: No!!


Trent then turns and stares down the runway.


  • Trent: Who the fuck is that?!


Arbiter looks down the runway as sees a Brown Spartan player heading towards the group, holding a Sniper Rifle. The rest of Trent's staff turn to see who the mystery player is. Suddenly the Brown Spartan fires at Cody and Cameron, nailing a double kill on them with one shot, banning them simultaneously. It then turns and shoots Brittany and Victoria, doing the same thing with one shot, two kills, banning them simultaneously. It then turns and shoots Brian, banning him. With Trent distracted by these events at seeing his crew fragged and banned again, Arbiter takes the opportunity and finally bans him by killing him with a melee kill, Trent shouts in fury, but is cut off before he can say anything. Arbiter then turns to face the Brown Spartan and spots a Spider Emblem on his chest.


  • Arbiter: ...Greg?


Without saying a word, the Brown Spartan turns and leaves by walking away on the runway. Back at Jon's Apartment, Arbiter gets up and looks around to see if Greg is nearby. Instead Arbiter looks down and spots an Xbox Controller and a sticky note that reads:


  • Greg: ;) talk to her


Upon finding the sticky note, Arbiter goes back to the chair and looks around for Claire


  • Arbiter: ...Claire?


Arbiter finds Claire staring out over the lake surrounding the church, she is completely silent. Arbiter (and Chief, who has re-spawned,) join her.


  • Arbiter: I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I want you to know how sorry I am. The last thing we wanted to do was ruin your big day. The last thing I wanted to do.
  • Master Chief: lol
  • Arbiter: Life has its ups and downs. Trent was a hole. A grade-A hole. ...And I couldn't let you fall.
  • Master Chief: wow this is teh gayest shit evar
  • Arbiter: Don't talk right now. I mean it. Fuck off
  • Master Chief: god damit
  • Arbiter: You don't have to say anything. You have every right to hate me. I'll take your silence as our cue to leave. ...But I think we're going to be banned pretty quick here. I might not see you ever again. ...Or hear you. Whatever.


Claire is still silent.


  • Arbiter: Bye, Claire. Let's go, Chief.


Chief follows Arbiter out of the Church's parking lot and across the runway.


  • Master Chief: wat a bitch
  • Arbiter: Shut your fucking mouth.
  • Master Chief: :( sry arbitur
  • Arbiter: Well, that's it. No more Halo, no more anything. Until Jon buys a new Xbox and account I guess. If he even does, he's gonna have a fun time trying to explain all this to tech support.
  • Master Chief: theres always PSN HAHAHHA JK, PRAISE MS


Once the duo reaches the starting point of the runway, Arbiter turns back around once again to see Claire, who has not moved since he said goodbye. Arbiter then resumes leaving along with Chief until they reach the field terrain of Trent's map.


  • Arbiter: That admin Brian's taking his sweet time kicking us off. We should be gone by now...
  • Claire: Arbiter!


Arbiter hears Claire and turns around to face her (so does Chief.) Claire is seen running up to him by the runway.


  • Arbiter: Hey! So...
  • Claire: Sorry, I-I wasn't at my Xbox. I was just taking a few minutes to get myself together...
  • Arbiter: Oh. Jeez... For a second there... I thought you never wanted to talk to me again.
  • Claire: Are you kidding?
  • Arbiter: So... you do?
  • Claire: Of course I do Arbiter! You're my friend, and you made a hard decision, you stopped me from making a big mistake. Thank you.
  • Master Chief: UR WELCOEM LOL
  • Arbiter: Chief, go wait over there somewhere. Give us a minute.
  • Master Chief: w/e


Chief walks away so he can give Arbiter and Claire some privacy.


  • Arbiter: Before I forget, you should give me your new e-mail address.
  • Claire: I've got yours, I'll send it to you.
  • Arbiter: Cool.
  • Claire: I heard you on the lot...
  • Arbiter: Oh... Yeah... I didn't think you were nearby.
  • Claire: I--
  • Arbiter: Seriously, it's fine. You don't have to say anything. I don't expect you to love me back or anything. I'm just a toy, after all. I accept that.
  • Claire: No Arbiter, you're not. I was way wrong. You're more than that, much more. And don't ever let anyone tell you different.
  • Arbiter: ...But you don't love me. Just wanna be clear.
  • Claire: ...Not in that way.
  • Arbiter: I understand.
  • Claire: But I'm never gonna forget you. Not that I ever could forget you, even before you marched up to Scott. And there's someone out there for you, I know it.
  • Arbiter: Thanks, Claire. Talk to you later?
  • Claire: Talk to you later.


Arbiter turns to leave and walks away. Chief catches up with Arbiter. Claire watches as both Arbiter and Master Chief leave, side-by-side.


  • Master Chief: u rdy 4 sum motha fuckin mac n ch33z3
  • Arbiter: Sounds good.
  • Master Chief: :3 num num num num
  • Arbiter: Scrabble after?
  • Master Chief: ur on ar-bud

Scene 10: Jon's ApartmentEdit

A day has passed since Arbiter and Chief have left the Church's server for the final time. Jon's console has now received a console ban, much to Arbiter's boredom and Chief's frustration.


  • Arbiter: Sigh.
  • Master Chief: THIS SUCKS DICK, IM STARTING 2 GET PISSED OFF, I WANA PLAY HALO
  • Arbiter: It's only been a day, dude. Given how gung-ho you were to give up our online access, I thought you'd be prepared to deal with it. You have no foresight.
  • Master Chief: no u haz no farsight
  • Arbiter: No, YOU have no foresight, actually.
  • Master Chief: no u
  • Arbiter: No, you.
  • Master Chief: im gona go kill myslef
  • Arbiter: You're gonna kill yourself because you haven't played online in a day.
  • Master Chief: yes
  • Arbiter: Chief, come on. Settle down. Let's just play Scrabble again.
  • Master Chief: NO, FUCK SCRABBLE, SCRABBLES BORIGN, U CANT KILL ALEINS IN SCRABBEL, CAN U? IS THER A WAY ARBITUR?/ IS THER SUM PART OF SCRABBEL I MISED TAHT LETS U KILL ALEINS?
  • Arbiter: No, there isn't--
  • Master Chief: SO WATS TEH FUCKING POINTS OF PLAYIGN SCRABBEL THEN
  • Arbiter: Okay, what do you suggest we do?


Ultimately, Arbiter and Master Chief wind up playing Scrabble after all. Except rather than actually words, there are several incredibly vulgar words which include: "Penis, Blumpkin, Bellend, Cunt, Muff, Fap, Anal, Asshole, Shit, and Twat."


  • Arbiter: This has to be the rudest game of Scrabble ever played.
  • Master Chief: lol, IS "QUEX" A WORD
  • Arbiter: Why are you asking me if you're just gonna look it up on the computer for the thirtieth fucking time?
  • Master Chief: ima l00k it ^ on teh computars
  • Arbiter: Don't bother. It's not a word.
  • Master Chief: im suer it is, cheyen33z3 or sumthign
  • Arbiter: If you're sure, then you don't need to look it up.
  • Master Chief: k kewl


Master Chief tries to lay out the word, but is stopped by Arbiter.


  • Arbiter: What are you doing?!
  • Master Chief: puting quex retard
  • Arbiter: It's not a word!
  • Master Chief: U JUST SED I DIDNT N33DS 2 L00K IT UP
  • Arbiter: Because it's not a fucking word! Are you listening to me?
  • Master Chief: HOW DOES U NO?
  • Arbiter: Because I'm not a mental defective like you.
  • Master Chief: 0 YEA?/ DOES U NO EVRY WORD EVER MAED?


Frustratedly, Chief flips the Scrabble board, giving up in frustration before storming off.


  • Arbiter: You're a child.
  • Master Chief: FUCK THIS SHIT, IM WATCHING PR0N
  • Arbiter: Guess I win.
  • Master Chief: NO I QUITS, NOBODY WINZ
  • Arbiter: ...Yeah. So I can never win a game then because you can just quit right before you lose.
  • Master Chief: yes. and dont hog teh bandy widths on teh lapt0p, buffering kills my bon3r, lol
  • Arbiter: Sigh...


With the game ruined and Chief storming away, Arbiter cleans up the board pieces and closes up the box to the Scrabble Box. As Arbiter walks away, he turns and sees a sticky note on the refrigerator that reads:


  • Greg: arbiter, found this while crawlin around lol! every hero needs his suit of armor! -greg :3


Arbiter finishes reading the sticky note and looks down. At the bottom of the sticky note is Arbiter's helmet piece (that he had lost since Endgame.) Arbiter picks up and holds his helmet and looks around in hopes of being heard.


  • Arbiter: Not sure if you can hear me Greg... But thanks... Come back eventually, won't you?


Time passes and it is now nighttime. Master Chief is seen asleep in Jon's Bed, covered up by a blanket. Arbiter, who is now wearing his helmet, gets into bed, covers up and goes to sleep as well. As the two toys are asleep, the camera turns and faces against Jon's Closet, the shadow of Greg, hanging from his web by his abdomen is seen watching over both toys.

Scene 11: Post-CreditsEdit

After the end credits finish up, time changes to morning where Arbiter is seen still sleeping.



Upon hearing the voice, Arbiter wakes up and hears the voice. Arbiter gets up to see where the voice came from...

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