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TranscriptEdit

Scene 1: Forge worldEdit

Viewer Discretion Warning is shown. Opening credits roll.


Chief runs around the island spraying his assault rifle everywhere.

  • Chief:"lolololololol / lololol / lolololololol"

Arbiter is seen waiting for Chief on the other side of the island. Chief heads through the tunnel and starts shooting at him.

  • Chief:" bye bye bitch / ur ded m33t / bye bye arbitur "
  • Arbiter:"No!"

Chief stops shooting and comes to  Arbiter.

  • Chief:" omg / wat teh hell is it nao?"
  • Arbiter:"Don't spray me with that if we're a thousand fucking feet apart. Short bursts."
  • Chief:" hao am i suppozed 2 kills u fastar w/ less bullets? dumass / if ur so smart hao cum i knew that and u doesn't?"
  • Arbiter:"Have you noticed that when you hold the trigger down your reticule inflates? In your case that would be all the time."
  • Chief:" that meens im doesing lots of damage"
  • Arbiter:"[beat] Not as much damage as there must be to your brain if your being serious. How many years have you been playing Halo now? Six? Seven? That is just tragic..."

Arbiter and Chief are shown in the game chair in the real world. The sound of an XBL message is herd.

  • Chief:"u gots mail / Trent D.? whos that?"
  • Arbiter:"Nobody."
  • Chief:"so nobudy just sents u a message?"
  • Arbiter:"He's just a guy."
  • Chief:" no shit / thats teh second tiems ive herd teh naem Trent / u gonna tell who teh hell this gai is nao? arbitur? arbitur u gon tells meh? "
  • Arbiter:"I don't have to tell you shit, Chief."
  • Chief:"IF U DONT TELLS MEH IMMA AXE U FOAR EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EVAR AND EV-"
  • Arbiter:"Shut up!"
  • Chief:"wats his message say? lets c"
  • Arbiter:"It's a voice message."
  • Chief:" pleh it"
  • Arbiter:"No, I'll play it later."
  • Chief:"pleh it nao bitch"

Chief throws Arbiter of the chair and grabs his controller.

  • Arbiter:"Hay! Give that back!"
  • Chief:"WOLOLOLOLOLOL"

Chief starts the message. Chief joins Arbiter on the floor

  • Trent's message:"Hey,Arbiter. I was just wondering if maybe you'd like a tour of the church or something. I know you might have mixed feelings but it could at least give you some closure if nothing else. And we can shoot the shit and play some double team after or something. So, hit me up."
  • Chief:"[beat] "church"? wut teh fuck?"
  • Arbiter:"It's nothing!"
  • Chief:"he and that bitch r getting married in reech rn't they? i knew it"
  • Arbiter:"Don't call Claire a bitch again! Weddings and funerals shouldn't be so close together."
  • Chief:"LOLOLOLOL / u sed they wernt / u lied 2 meh / liar / liar liar pants on fier / wait [beat] arbitur u no wut we gots 2 do nao?"
  • Arbiter:"What?"
  • Chief:" we gots 2 crash this weddign"
  • Arbiter:"No!"
  • Chief:"yep"
  • Arbiter:"No, Chief!"
  • Chief:"this is srs arbitur"
  • Arbiter:"So am I, Chief. Trent's not that bad and Claire's a friend. If they want to be together they have every right to a smooth and happy service."
  • Chief:" arbitur this is  a boss oppertunity foar sum ultra lulz / u haz 2 get all teh lulz u can get in this werld"
  • Arbiter:"Get your lulz somewhere else. The wedding is off limits."
  • Chief:"lol / wat teh hell r u gonna do ?"
  • Arbiter:"Whatever I have to."
  • Chief:" hahahaha / ur so tough arbitur / ur so tough and strong / u gon b33t mai ass arbitur? cuz ur so tough and everythign?"
  • Arbiter:"Like I said-"
  • Chief:"fuck that / ur not gonna do shit pu$$y"
  • Arbiter:"Don't push me asshole!"

Arbiter pushes chief against the fridge and he falls on the ground.

  • Chief:"lol sum1s mad"
  • Arbiter:"You gonna leave this alone?"
  • Chief:" suk my dick"

Arbiter stomps on Chief's crotch.

  • Chief:"oooowww!"
  • Arbiter:"What was that?"
  • Chief:"getting marryed in hali is teh laemest shit evar / its a lulz gold mine / its a lulzmien / i must haz it"
  • Arbiter:"Have it your way."

Arbiter prepares to attack Chief again.

  • Chief:"ok wait wait! fien"

Chief gets up.

  • Chief:"on 1 conditioner"
  • Arbiter:"Okay, what? Head and shoulders."
  • Chief:" i get 2 coem w/ u on this stupid tour / i gots 2 c this shit"
  • Arbiter:"No."
  • Chief:"then ill do evrythign in mai powars 2 bring this wedding down"
  • Arbiter:"... If I let you come you'll let it go?"
  • Chief:"YES"
  • Arbiter:"You have to be on your best behavior, you can't destroy or interfere with anything or bother anybody understand?"
  • Chief:"k / omg ur such a squaer arbitur / it almost maeks meh :( [sad face] 4 u"
  • Arbiter:"Can I have your word?"
  • Chief:"k"
  • Arbiter:"I'm serious,Chief."
  • Chief:"alright k / can haz"
  • Arbiter:"So I have your word?"
  • Chief:"yes u can haz mai wurds / all of them"

Opening credits roll.

Scene 2: Trent's ChurchEdit

Classical music is herd playing as Arbiter and Chief walk down the path to the church.

  • Chief:"w0w / this gai haz way 2 many tiem in his hand"
  • Arbiter:"Literally all you do is matchmaking, at least forging is productive. Sort of. [beat] Counter non-productive, something like that."
  • Chief:"l00k im arbitur wurds wurds wurds wurds wurds wurds kthxby"

They are both shown to be carrying plasma pistols as per gametype rules.

  • Arbiter:"Was that your impression of me?"
  • Chief:"yeh"
  • Arbiter [sarcastic]:"It's good. Because thats what I do, say the word "words" over and over to demonstrate my linguistic skill."
  • Chief:" thats liek spaggety or sumthing rite?"
  • Arbiter:"Wow..."
  • Chief:"u justs cant get enuff n00dlez can u arbitur? lmao"

The two reach the parking lot and Cameron Jones uncloaks in front of the.

  • Cameron:"You two got business here? This is a restricted area."

Cameron notices Chief.

  • Cameron:"Okay, I don't know how you of all people found this server. But you need to get the fuck out of here pronto. Got it buddy? There's no fuckin pets allowed."
  • Arbiter:"You know each other?"
  • Cameron:"We've met. That was more than enough."
  • Arbiter:"Oh yeah, you played each other on Countdown. Cool."
  • Cameron:"Who are you?"
  • Arbiter:"Trent invited me."
  • Cameron:"What about him?"
  • Arbiter:"He's my friend, though I use the term loosely."
  • Chief:"liek ur mom"
  • Arbiter:"I don't know what kind of first impression he made on you... it probably wasn't very good. But i assure you he won't be any trouble here. Right?"
  • Chief:"i promise ill be a gud boy mistar security gard sir"
  • Cameron:"What's your name dude?"
  • Arbiter:"Arbiter."
  • Cameron:"Hold on."

Cameron radios Trent.

  • Cameron:"Mister Donnovich. This is Commander Jones I have an "Arbiter" here to see you with one guest."
  • Trent [radio]:" Great. Who's the guest?"

Cody Hammond uncloaks and walks over.

  • Cameron:"He says a friend. And I should also mention that they think it's really halarious using these annoying text to speech voices over thief mikes. Is that gonna be a problem?"
  • Trent [radio]:"It's fine.I'll be right there."

Cameron clicks of the radio.

  • Cameron:"He's on his way."
  • Arbiter:"Thanks."

Arbiter tries to walk by.

  • Cameron:"Not so fast! We're gonna need you to wait right there until he gets here."
  • Arbiter:"Sorry."

Cody notices Chief.

  • Cody:"You know who that is right?"
  • Cameron:"Yeah, the elite was invited and the two are friends. But I don't think there'll be problem.[to Chief] Right? You're gonna be good? Gonna hold that tongue of yours hmm? hmmm hmm?[laughs]"
  • Cody:"Or we'll fuck you up and throw you out on your ass again."

Trent comes out of the church.

  • Trent:"Arbiter, hows tricks man?"
  • Arbiter:"Good, I guess."
  • Trent:"I understand you brought a friend along with you."
  • Arbiter:"I hope thats okay."
  • Chief:"hello i am Mastur Cheef / lol"
  • Arbiter:"He was there when you sent your invite and wanted to check the place out."
  • Chief:"this is soo wiked c00l trent / XD / XD"
  • Trent:"It's all okay, just try not to bother anyone. Particularly my sisters, they're in a bad fuckin mood today."
  • Arbiter:"Sorry to hear that."
  • Trent:"It's okay. You won't be a problem right?"
  • Chief:"NO SIR"
  • Trent:"Great! Come on in."
  • Chief:"can weh g0 nao commander?"

Cameron nods his head. Arbiter and Chief start to follow Trent inside.

  • Chief:"[to Cameron and Cody] douchebags"

Scene 3 : Inside the ChurchEdit

Trent leads Arbiter and Chief into the church.

  • Trent:"Sorry it took a while to get you in. We made a typo putting your gamertag on the guest list."
  • Arbiter:"No worries."
  • Trent:"We're still putting the finishing touches on the place, we have to build a little munitions bay for Cameron and Cody."

A forge monitor flies down and morphs into a church construction worker.

  • Trent:"No bumps or texture overlaps that I can see, place looks great. Nice work, thanks."

The worker nods and she walks off.

  • Chief:" sw33t trent / not laem at all"

Chief notices several fusion coils and plasma batteries decorating the altar. He an Arbiter exchange tense looks."

  • Arbiter:"So this is where it's all gonna happen huh, Trent."
  • Trent:"Yes indeed."
  • Arbiter:"... Cool."
  • Chief:"THIS IS SOO FUCKING ROMANTIK"

Trent's sister Brittany comes down the stairs.

  • Brittany:"Trent! Vicky needs you. She has to know the date of the rehersal."
  • Trent:"Where is she? The roof?"
  • Brittany:"Yeah, with Brian."

She notices Arbiter and Chief.

  • Brittany:"Who are these guys?"
  • Trent:"The elite's an old friend of Claire's, the Arbiter."
  • Arbiter:"Hello."
  • Trent:"And this is his friend, Master Chief."
  • Brittany:"Thats the best you guys could come up with? Not even a butch of numbers after them?"
  • Chief:"haos it hangin tootz"
  • Brittany:"Excuse me!"
  • Arbiter:"Please excuse my friend. He's joking in an effort to be affable. He tries far too hard."
  • Brittany[annoyed]:"Vicky's waiting."

Brittany walks out of the room. Chief watches her in-game buttocks as she leaves.

  • Trent:"You'll have to excuse my sisters. They have strong feminist view points and they're easily offended."
  • Chief:"woopsie daisies / sry abot that buddeh"
  • Trent:"So, you guys wanna head up?"

Arbiter and Chief follow Trent to the Church's roof where Victoria Donnovich and Brian are talking.

  • Victoria:"Trent. Rehersal. When?"
  • Trent:"I'm still working that out with Claire. But Thursday and Friday are definatly out 'cause I'll be at the office, but I could work out something for Wednesday."
  • Victoria:"You'd better get back to me on that soon. Did you get in touch with the caterer?"
  • Trent:"Yes,Vicky."
  • Victoria:"What about the florist?"
  • Trent:"Yes! Fuck."

Vicky notices the two.

  • Victoria:"Hi. Who are they?"
  • Trent:"They're friends with Claire."
  • Chief:"ple@sed 2 meet u all / pl33sed as punch"
  • Victoria:"What's with the voices?"
  • Trent:"They need the voices to talk.I'm just showing them around the place."
  • Victoria:"Oh, like Stephan Hawkson? I'm sorry to hear that."
  • Trent:"This is Brian. He'll be the wedding's officiant."
  • Brian:"Good afternoon."
  • Chief:"wats offishant meen?"
  • Brian:"Like a pastor, but non-religious. I just oversee the ceremony."
  • Chief:"hao r u a poster?"
  • Brian:"Uh, Pastor."
  • Chief:"wats that?"
  • Trent:"He's also a network administrater that handles online multiplayer. So be cool around him, he can smack you down with the banhammer on the spot."
  • Brian:"[laughs] Let's hope it won't come to that." 
  • Victoria [to Arbiter]:"Just so you know, there will be a dress code in service on that day. Strictly spartan models. You'll have t switch over if your coming. Are they coming?"
  • Trent:"I dunno,I haven't asked yet. Ya wanna come to the wedding?"
  • Chief:"id loved 2"
  • Arbiter:"I'm quite greatfull for the invitation... I'll come. But Chief can't make it though, sorry."
  • Chief:"YES i can"
  • Arbiter:"He can't. He has a thing."
  • Chief:"no i dunt"
  • Arbiter:"Bless him. He'd forget his head if it wasn't stuck on."
  • Chief:"that thign / got canselled / so im good / dayz wide opan"
  • Arbiter:"But then it went back on again remember? What an airhead."
  • Chief:"But then it got canselled agen rly rly recintly so im shur i can coem / period"
  • Trent:"Okay, the way I see it a friend of a friend of Claire's is a friend of mine."
  • Chief:"cant w8 / its gonna be teh bomb / kab00m"

Cut to the Apartment. Arbiter throws Chief against the fridge.

  • Chief:"HAHAHAHAHA"
  • Arbiter:"You'd better not fuck this up. Understand?"
  • Chief:"dont worry arbitur / it'll b a fun filled day / i garunt33s it"

Scene 4: Sword baseEdit

Arbiter backs up the lab stairs. He moves into the lab, turns around and sees Claire.

  • Claire:"Hey, Arbiter."
  • Arbiter:"Hay. What's up with you?"
  • Claire:"Not much. How's Hypernews doing?"
  • Arbiter:"Great,almost two hundred thousand views now."
  • Claire:"That's awesome. So, you up for some double team?"
  • Arbiter:"Really?"
  • Claire:"Yeah, you up for the challenge?"

Claire is shown to be wearing the same skull emblem as Trent and his staff.


Credits roll. The end.

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