|← "House of Cards"||"Duck Love"||"Low on Hearts" →|
Scene 1: BoardwalkEdit
Chief is seen playin on Xbox Live, running around shooting in the air.
- Chief: h3llo wr0ld!1 / wats goin on bitchez / gess wat / i gots mai f00t backed 0n
- Cody Hammond: What did he say?
- Timothy: I don't know.
- Chief: and teh fr1st plaec its goign is up all ur a$$e$ / i hope ur rdy / r u rdy?/ / u gaiz arent rdy. / LOLOLOLOLOL
- Timothy: What are you even talking about?
- Cody Hammond: And why are you using that 'voice' thing?
- Timothy: Microsoft Sam.
- Chief: FIRST OF ALL MAI VOIEC IS TEH SHIT / littel bitchez liek u gaiz wudnt haz a cleu / adn im talkign abot hwo im gona pwnz0r evry 1 of ur sry ass3s / want meh to draw u a pictuer / FUCK FACE
- Cody Hammond: We're on your team.
- Timothy: I've been paired with you in matchmaking quite a few times today actually, and you've been, like, consistently terrible.
- Chief: thats retarted. / UR JUST A RETARTED FAGET
- Timothy: Hey, don't take my word for it, it's there in the carnage reports.
- Chief: NOPE UR WRONG LOL
- Cody Hammond: Ha ha ha! I just checked his K/D; 0.3! Ha ha!
- Chief: wat r u dumbases loling abot? i dont even has macaronies
- Timothy: Wow.
- Cody Hammond: Those few miracle kills you get are worth absolutely nothing if you don't keep your death count a lower number.
- Timothy: I've seen him kill the same AFK guy over and over. I'm pretty sure that's all they are.
- Chief: holy shit u guys r dum
- Cody Hammond: You're giving more points to the other team than you're gaining for your own. It's hardly a difficult concept to grasp.
- Chief: HAY EVAR HERD OF GIRLS? / y dont u go get laed u fuckign nerd / gettign all mathical adn shit / besieds taht stuf dont evin matters / im killign guys so taht m33ns im wining
- Cody Hammond: What?
- Timothy: He's obviously a troll; nobody's this stupid.
- Chief: NO UR STUPED / U GUYS WANNA 1V1 ME? / U WANNA 1V1 ME? / no of course u dont u god dam pu$$ies / ud p00p ur pants / LOL
- Cody Hammond: (chuckles) That wouldn't be fair. Come on!
- Chief: UR SO FUCKING RIGHT ABOT TAHT
- Timothy: Ah, I get it: 'cuz to each of you, it's unfair for the other guy. Nice.
- Cody Hammond: Hey, he started this crap! I'm just sayin', man!
- Chief: sry gaiz i gots 2 go nao / to ur moms houses / LAWL / ur moms say ur both gay btw LOLOLOLOLOL
Chief runs away.
- Timothy: Just 'wow'. That's all I have to say.
- Cody Hammond: By the law of averages, I think we're clear of that caliber of asshole for a good long while.
- Timothy: I dunno. Give it five, six minutes.
Opening credits roll.
Scene 2: Jon's apartmentEdit
Chief forages through the refrigerator for food.
- Chief: "THERS NEVER N E THING 2 NOM IN THIS FUCKIGN HOSUE"
Chief starts wandering around the kitchen.
- Chief: "ARBITUR WHERS JONS VISA? / and whers teh colored berry? / ima 0rdar peetsah. / u watn n e? u want a meat loevers? / cuz u loev meat so much / LOL!!1one"
No response from Arbiter
- Chief: "arbitur? / greg? / WERE IS U GAIZ?"
Arbiter and Greg are shown in Jon's bathtub with a laptop.
- Arbiter: "Man, I knew this would be difficult... but even just brainstorming is hard.
An empty text page is shown on the computer.
- Arbiter: This is making me feel like such a dumbass. / Got any cool ideas yet?"
- Greg: "no"
- Arbiter: "Great. / Look out, internet. It's Arbiter and Greg and their tidal wave of ingenuity. / It's a good thing we've shaken off Chief, otherwise this would be literally impossible--"
- Chief: "HAAAAY LAAAYYDIEEEES"
Chief appears on the side of the tub.
- Arbiter: "Son of a bitch."
- Chief: "Aauuh / siting in teh tub togethar / hwo cute is that? :3 [lion face]"
- Arbiter: "Go away."
- Chief: "srsly wtf? / wats w/ teh laptop? / what the hell r u doing?
- Arbiter: "Nothing."
Chief jumps into the tub.
- Chief: "bullshit / u writing sumthing?/ / r u writign a story arbitur? / can i reads ur storie? / wats ur stories abot? / can i b in ur stories? / does it has tittehs? / can u maek it so i slap them up adn dwon adn all arond?"
- Arbiter: "Go away! We're not writing a story about you or anybody's breasts. We're thinking of stuff."
- Chief: "o rly?"
Chief sees the blank page.
- Chief: "cuz it sure as hell dosnt l00k liek it ROFL"
- Arbiter: "Never mind what it looks like."
- Chief: "so hwo cum ur tryign 2 think of stuf?"
- Arbiter: "... What a fantastic question. That must deserve some kind of award."
- Chief: "quit being a stalling stan"
- Arbiter: "... 'a stalling stan'? Wow. Anyway, it's none of your goddamn business."
- Chief: "im just gona keep asking y til u tells meh y"
- Arbiter: "Piss off!!"
- Chief: "y / y / y / y / y / y / YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
- Arbiter: "Jesus Christ, we're making a show, okay?"
- Chief: "wat kind of show?
- Arbiter: "News show."
- Chief: "abot wat?"
- Arbiter: "Games and stuff."
- Chief: "a news show abot gaems adn stuf / lmao / congratulashens tahts teh gayest thign ive evar herd in mai entier lief"
- Arbiter: "Thank you for sharing your opinion and staunch homophobia."
- Greg: "go away chief / ur not contributing
- Chief: "stfu greg ur a spider / thats srsly retartid tho / u know thats retartid rite?"
- Arbiter: "Yes, trying to create somthing is retarded. As opposed to playing Reach all day and calling everyone online a faggot."
- Chief: [Beat] acshully w8 thats an ossim idea"
- Arbiter: "Insulting everybody online?"
- Chief: "no teh show thign / ima maek mai own show 2 lol"
- Arbiter: "What?! Hold on a minute! No!"
- Chief: "u cant tels me wat 2 do"
- Arbiter: "You can't just take my idea either!
Chief jumps out of the tub, his visor falls off and he puts it back on.
- Chief: "ok so u caem up w/ teh ideas 2 maek a shows so taht m33nz i cant nevar maek mai own shows evar?"
- Arbiter: "Well..."
- Chief: "lololol"
- Arbiter: "You are such a huge douche!!"
- Chief: "IM NOT LISENIGN LOLOLLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"
Chief leaves the bathroom.
- Arbiter: "God, what a fucking asshole!"
Chief keeps walking, pauses for a moment then returns to the bathroom.
- Chief: "arbitur hwo does u maeks a show?"
- Arbiter: "You MUST be joking. Go fuck yourself."
- Chief: "FINE W/E MAKIGN A SHOWS A PIECE OF PISS AND MIENS GONA B WAE MOAR COLLER THAN UR STUPED CRAPPY SHWO N E WAY"
- Arbiter: "Sure it will."
- Chief: "does i detect a hint of teh sarcasms? U FORGETS TAHT I CAN ACSHULY THINK OF SHIT / CAN I C WUT U HAZ AGAIN? OH YEAH U DONT HAS ANYTHIGN U FUCKING CHIMP / Y DOESNT U STICKS 2 WAT UR GOOD @ LIEK TRHOWIGN UR OWN FECEES AROND DUMBO / LLOLOL1O1oLO1o1OLO1oLOLOLO1oLLOLOL!!1one!1!+elevenshift1"
- Arbiter: "Dumbo was an elephant, you fucking degenerate."
Chief leaves again.
- Arbiter: "Sigh."
Scene 3: Jon's apartmentEdit
Arbiter has now written something on the laptop and is showing it to Greg.
- Arbiter: "What do you think? Don't sugar-coat it. Just lay it on me."
- Greg: "boring"
- Arbiter: "... You sure don't waste any time."
- Greg: "sry just want 2 help u :("
- Arbiter: "I know. This sucks."
- Greg: "work w/ chief?"
- Arbiter: "No way. He'll turn it all to shit. All his show is gonna be is senseless Nintendo and Sony bashing, cock drawings, and probably even his bad techno loops."
- Greg: "do it as a piss-take."
- Arbiter: "I don't think Chief would agree to that..."
- Greg: "dont tell him lol"
- Arbiter: "... His conviction would make it that much more engaging... I think you're onto something here, Greg."
- Greg: ";)"
Chief seen playing Halo as Arbiter goes to see him.
- Chief: "u guys r all littel bitches / know y noen of u r saeing n e thign? cuz u no im fucking boss and i can raep all of u @ this gaem / i gots mai f00ts / ill fuck u up son"
- XBL Player: "Shut up!"
- Chief: "whats that faget? u suck? ur rite but evryboedy noes alridy / THX 4 TEH COLD AND MOLDY NEWS FUCKHEAD / i shoud beat the shit out of u kid / gimme ur adress / o w8 ur mom gave it 2 me alredy so we cud has the sex / she saes u dont brush ur t33ths enuf yung man / u beter pull ur socks ^ or she saes u wont get teh new call of dutty foar ur brithdays / i mite even gives u a spanking / u wana get spanked boy?"
- Arbiter: "Chief?"
- Chief: "go away im busy playign hal0"
- Arbiter: "So I can hear. Anyway, it's about the show thing."
- Chief: "wat abot it?"
- Arbiter: "I think we should compromise somehow and work on this thing together. For the art of it. We're not much good individually. Together, we could make something great."
- Chief: "LOLOLOLOL / giev me a fucking braek arbitur wil u? y wud i works w/ u? im gona maek mai own show adn its gona b bada$$ / ud just maek it lame cuz ur a fucking square"
- Arbiter: "The idea for a show was mine!!"
- Chief: "i dont give a shit"
- Arbiter: "You're not just gonna take my idea!"
- Chief: "go fuck a duck"
- Arbiter: "'Fuck a duck'? That's what you have to say?"
- Chief: "YES FUCK A DUCK / GO FUCK TEN DUCKS / I DONT GIEV A FUCK HOW MANY DUCKS U FUCK / FUCK ALL TEH DUCKS"
Credits roll. The end.