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Viewer Discretion Warning is shown. Opening credits roll.


[The scene begins with the camera scrolling along the wall, which is featuring print-out posters of 'The Brofessional Gamer' with a statement below saying 'We make games that don't suck', before cutting to the three figurines on the floor.]

  • Arbiter: Hi.


[Sonic proceeds to take the lid offhis Sharpie Permanent Marker and take a sniff of the marker.]

  • Sonic: H-hi! Wow! You guys are different colours!
  • Chief: u hav c00l shuuz
  • Sonic: Thanks! They're red! Wi-With a big white stripe! Like that band The White Stripes?


[Brief pause.]

  • Arbiter: ...Yeah.


[Sonic proceeds to take yet another big whiff of the Sharpie.]

  • Sonic: WOOOAAAAOAH! Hahahaha!
  • Arbiter: This is creeping me out.
  • Sonic: Wa-Wait a minute! I know you guys, I'm big fans of you guys!
  • Chief: holee sh!t reali?!?
  • Sonic: Yeah! I've seen Starship Troopers like 8 times! You're Han Solo a-and then the other guy with the- with the tent and uh... the tattoo... aaaghh, umm...
  • Arbiter: ...Yeah, anyway, we should really get going now-
  • Chief: duu u hve xb0x?!
  • Sonic: Yeah!
  • Chief: i r plzd
  • Arbiter: Chief!
  • Sonic: You coming? You gotta meet my friends! One of 'em's got a mushroom on his head! It's wicked cool! (Walks away as the camera focuses on his legs, which seem to give off a limp.)
  • Arbiter: Others? ...Oh boy. (Follows Sonic.)


[The next scene shows Sonic, Chief and Arbiter all walking together to meet the others. They reach the others, who comprise of Luigi and Toad. Both of which are using a Nintendo DS, drawing a pair of eyes, a penis, three squiggly lines and a mug.]

  • Sonic: Hey guys! Check it out! I found the Starbucks(?) Troopers guys! That's- That's Han Zimmer the other's... uhhh... Riddley(?)!
  • Chief: y haylo thar
  • Arbiter: Hey. Actually, we're from Halo.
  • Toad: Halo, huh?
  • Luigi: Mama Mia! That's... fantastic! Sonic, may we talk to you for a moment? In private?
  • Sonic: But... But Luke and me were just about to play video games! Y-You gonna come?
  • Chief: u beut ur a$$


[Chief looks down at Sonic holding the Sharpie.]

  • Chief: kan i haz???
  • Sonic: Okay! Okay. But don't put it all the way in your nose like I did though. I think it punctured my brain!


[Chief holds the Sharpie up to his nose.]

  • Chief: g00dnez graycioz tat stof iz dynomiit


[Scene changes to Arbiter standing in front of Luigi and Toad, with whom Arbiter is conversing.]

  • Arbiter: We didn't mean to impose, I didn't think there would be anyone else here. We were just looking for a place to crash.
  • Toad: You gotta leave, dude. Like, right now.
  • Luigi: Pleeeeeease!
  • Arbiter: ...I'm sorry?
  • Toad: Look man, we got what you might call a leader, and Halo is really not his favorite thing.
  • Luigi: He despises Halo like... under-cooked spaghetti!
  • Arbiter: Seriously? What's the big deal?
  • Toad: I dunno but you gotta go man. Otherwise he is gonna go fucking ape-shit. Did you see Sonic walking with a slight limp? He did that. Caught him playing Halo 3.
  • Arbiter: Jesus...
  • Toad: Yeah, one might say he's a few mushrooms short of a fuckin' plum, you know what I'm saying?
  • Leader: TOAD! Where's my fuckin' linguini!? My plate's empty here, c'mon!
  • Toad: Dude, hide.
  • Luigi: Hide, hide! Hide, quick! He's here, hide! Hide, quick, he's here!


[Camera switches to a large figure approaching Toad and Luigi, imposing in nature and intent. The camera moves upwards to reveal that it's a large Mario.]

  • Mario: Toad! What have I done to you?
  • Toad: I dunno what you mean, dude.
  • Mario: What have I done to you, to deserve what you have done to me? My tummy, my tummy aches for food, and you deprave it? Deprave it of linguini?
  • Luigi: Hey Mario, Mama Mia, you've got to calm down. Always with the temper-
  • Mario: You shut your mouth! You shut your mouth Luigi! You talk when it is not Mario's time to speak, and only if Mario says you can speak. You think just because you're my brother you can do whatever you feel like? You're wrong, Luigi. You're wrong.


[Mario proceeds to hit Luigi in the head, knocking him to the ground.]

  • Luigi: Ow!
  • Toad: Stop it!
  • Mario: Are you telling me what to do? Is that what you're doing, Toad? Are you telling me what to do? Do not tell me what to do, Toad! YOU DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
  • Toad: Don't hit me! The bruises from last time haven't gone away yet!


[Arbiter walks out from his hiding place behind the leg of a coffee table.]

  • Arbiter: Alright, that's enough!


[Mario looks towards Arbiter.]

  • Mario: Halo...

End credits roll.

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