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← "Showdown" "Glitch" "Panic" →

TranscriptEdit

Scene 1: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Viewer discretion warning is shown. Opening credits roll.

Arbiter is seen with a controller operating the Xbox 360 guide.

  • Arbiter: "N.X.E. The new Xbox experience."

Several avatars run onto the screen.

  • Arbiter: "What the hell?"

Arbiter puts down the Xbox 360 controller and picks up the Wii remote, thinking that he is on the Mii avatar selection screen instead, and starts pressing buttons on it.

  • Arbiter: "Um... Oops. Guess I WAS playing the Xbox after all."

He switches back and picks up the Xbox 360 controller.

  • Arbiter: "Could have sworn I was playing Nintendo Wii there for a minute."

Arbiter selects an avatar.

  • Arbiter: "Fuck, what a douche. Such a wide selection of features and clothing! With crooked selection boxes defying symmetry! It reflects my rebellious personality and defiance against authority! Microsoft SO gets me."

Arbiter continues tweaking his avatar.

  • Arbiter: "Messy flamboyant tie and tee shirt. Outfit of choice for the jack-off that wants to look trendy and unsuccessfully smart at the same time!"

He saves and the avatar celebrates.

  • Arbiter: "BEHOLD my individuality. Fight the system! Yeah! ...Fucking douchebag."

Chief walks over.

  • Chief: "BRB im jsut goign 2 kil mysl3f k?/"
  • Arbiter[not paying atention]: " 'Kay whatever."
  • Chief: "k"

Chief leaves.

  • Arbiter: "Man where the fuck is the "PLAY GAME" option? Jesus. [realizing what Chief said] ...Wait, what?"

Arbiter heads into the kitchen looking for Chief, then pulls a double-take when he sees Chief in the oven.

  • Arbiter: "...What are you doing in there?! [Arbiter knocks on the glass.] get out."
  • Chief: "no / turn teh oven 0n"
  • Arbiter: "No."
  • Chief: ":(! [sad face!]"
  • Arbiter: "Why do you want to kill yourself?"
  • Chief: "i cant tells u / it is...... / TOO SAD :("
  • Arbiter: "What is it?"

Later they are seen on the couch looking at Chief's Halo 3 armory. Chief is crying with a tissue.

  • Chief: "c? ITS GON"
  • Arbiter: "You're KILLING YOURSELF because your KATANA disappeared?"
  • Chief: "its sum kidn f gltihc / DSETRYOIGN TEH LIEFS 0F THOSUNADZ OF GAEMRZ"
  • Arbiter: "As if it's a big deal. You use Recon anyway, what the fuck do you care--"

Chief tackles him.

  • Chief: "DO U HAZ N E IEDA HWO BIG D33L TIHS R?"
  • Arbiter: "...What?"
  • Chief: "IL SHO U"

Scene 2: SnowboundEdit

The underground bunker is shown. XBL players can be herd screaming.

Inside the bunker a red player gaurds the entrance with a shotgun while a green player sits in the corner panicing. A blue player comes around the corner.

  • Blue player: "How's he doing?"
  • Red player: "Not so good. I think he's starting to lose it."

Arbiter runs into the bunker.The Red player aims his shotgun at him.

  • Red player: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop! Stop right there! Don't move! Don't fucking move!"
  • Arbiter: "Wow, what's your beef?"
  • Red player: "Are you--? Are you alright in the head? You're not--? You're not one of them are you?"
  • Arbiter: "One of who? Chill, dude."
  • Blue player: "Just put the gun down, man. I think he's alright."

The Red player lowers his gun.

  • Blue player: "How did you find us?"
  • Arbiter: "My friend has one of you guys on his friends list I guess. What's going on?"
  • Blue player: "Oh, everyone's gone crazy over all this glitch business."
  • Arbiter: "What glitches?"
  • Blue player: "It's these intermittant problems that are making some people's armor perms disappear or making it impossible to unlock certain achievements. It has something to do with gamer score."
  • Arbiter: " ...Who cares?"
  • Blue player: "Who cares? Who car--?! Have you played any matchmaking recently? Or joined any other custom games?! Everyone on Xbox Live is rioting!"

A player outside is heard mumbling.

  • Blue player: "Shit! Hide!"

Everyone crouches. Three rioters are seen outside.

  • Rioter 1: "And guess what?! I didn't get the Spartan Officer achievement!? What the fuck!?"
  • Rioter 2: "I lost my Security Shoulders! I had them unlocked but then they disappeared!"
  • Rioter 1: "This is total bullshit! Bungie are just bad video game developers period! I'm really gonna give them a piece of my mind about this. I'm not even kidding. I'm serious."
  • Rioter 3: "No, no, wait. Don't you guys think you're getting a bit too carried away with this? I mean it's not that big of a deal."
  • Rioter 1: (scoffs) "...Not a big deal. Not a big deal! Not a big fuckin' deal! Is that right?!"
  • Rioter 3: "Josh..."

He aims his pistol at the third rioter's face.

  • Rioter 1: "You shut the fuck up! Go on! Say that again! Say 'it's not a big deal.' Say it! I dare you."
  • Rioter 3: "It really isn't."

Inside the bunker a gunshot is heard, along with the clink of the spent shell. The Blue player lowers his head sadly. Outside the third rioter is seen dead. The first rioter walks away. The second lingers to look down at what happened to the third one.

  • Rioter 1: "Come on. We don't need people like him around." (beat) "Come on!"

The second rioter moves on after the first. The inside of the bunker is seen.

  • Arbiter: "This is so retarded."
  • Blue player: (sighs) "This is happening everywhere on Xbox Live. Every matchmaking game, every custom game. Filled with rioters. I, uh, I joined a friend of mine's Forge game before this. He lost his Security Shoulders. I joined to see how he was coping with it. I found his Spartan dead on the floor."

The Blue player's story is shown as he tells it.

  • Blue player: "Before he shot himself, he wrote out a message on the ground with weapons and items. All it said was: 'WHY'."

Various rioters are shown screaming, running around, killing themselves and killing each other.

  • Rioter 4: "Kill me! KILL ME!!!!!"

He's promptly shot dead by another rioter before he discovers he's been glitched as well.

  • Rioter 5: (gasps) "My Katana!? Where is it?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!" (He commits suicide)
  • Rioter 6: (coughing and throwing up)

Another rioter panics and heads for the perimeter of the map where he is then fired upon by the Automated Plasma Turrets, killing his Spartan, which falls to the ground before being trampled by other rioters. Screaming and yelling continue from then on.

Fade to black. "To be concluded..." Credits roll. The end.

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