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← "Crush" "In Memoriam" "Descent" →

Scene 1: Powerhouse Edit

BRODY: Two undeserving players' consoles bricked. Roughly four hundred dollars worth of damage caused in ten seconds. I'm such an idiot. I should've figured something was up when I spawned with an overshield after I put the drive in my console. I chalked it up to whatever gametype we were playing at the time.

KYLE: You weren't listed on the roster either, and my HUD hasn't been notifying me when you join my games.

BRODY: Which means Eugene and his goons won't see us coming. We'll obviously communicate over private chat so they don't hear us coming, either. Alter our avatars completely to avoid being recognized. Eugene and whoever's with him are likely to have these files enabled whenever we join them. I've realized that the hex values in the document among the files refer to game settings and assets. I think I've isolated those determining spawn load-outs, which I can tweak so we spawn with active camo, plasma pistols, and DMRs. I think the best course of action is assassinating Eugene and the rest under camo, it's the only one that ensures one-hit kills. Ideally, we each take out somebody simultaneously. If they're running the software, they'll have overshields as well. It'll take at least three headshots with a sniper rifle to put each of them down, giving them plenty of time to retaliate, and we'll probably be outnumbered. If assassinating them doesn't work out, then we'll pop their shielding with plasma pistol charges and take aim with the rifles for headshots.

KYLE: Shame the old B-X-R trick's no longer an option, would've come in handy.

[notification beep is heard]

BRODY: Guess who just signed on?

[Brody takes a few steps away from Kyle, then turns back to him]

KYLE: I think you should send those files straight to the administration. I imagine the support team could use it to determine the security exploits in the console firmware and develop a fix. You'll be praised. Internet famous. Rolling in the internet dollars and the Internet bitches.

BRODY: If the world knew that I led to a fix, then Eugene and Tyler would know. What good is being Internet-famous if I'm dead, dumbass? Can't buy a goddamn thing let alone a resurrection with fucking Internet dollars. I'll send the files to the administration anonymously, but if we don't take out Eugene and the gang first, they'll go unpunished. We don't have any evidence that I can think of connecting them to their bans, other than the fact that Tyler had the offending files on his flash drive -- but I didn't legally obtain the drive from him, which I imagine would be an issue if we were to press charges or something. Wouldn't it? Regardless, can't you see how perfect of an opportunity this is to exact some justice that is well overdue? Eugene had Tyler nearly bust my fucking head open, remember that? They've harassed you a number of times. They've hurt a lot of people, not just us. [beat] Come on, man. I'm far more likely to pull this off with your help. Please.

[beat]

BRODY: Unless you're a pussy. Then, by all means, sit this out. I completely understand.

[beat]

KYLE: Ain't no pussy.

BRODY: Then let's not be shitting bricks and start bricking some shits.

Scene 2: Anchor 9 Edit

[shot of a UNSC frigate ship in Anchor 9; cut to Brody trying to hide.]

KYLE: You sure Eugene's in here?

BRODY: What the fuck are you doing?! Stay crouched, you'll show up on their radar you fucking tool! We joined his session in progress, he has to be.

[Brody crawls towards the front of the corridor to keep a look out for Eugene and his friends. Kyle stays.]

[Brody crawls down the stairs, Eugene and Colin walk towards his direction.]

BRODY: Oh shit. They're coming. Can't hide in time. Hit it, don't fucking move.

[Brody and Kyle activate their active camo to hide from Eugene and Colin.]

EUGENE: Tyler's on his way back to his place from a liquor run. No idea what hack and slash are up to. Pretty sure Arbiter doesn't really give a shit about this thing, but I didn't think Chief would miss this for the world.

COLIN: And what a devastating blow his absence would be. Fuck him, he makes my teeth itch!

EUGENE: I think he's funny, fuck you. Man this shit's going to be great. The server should be opening up anytime now. We got roughly ten minutes to kill before the service is scheduled to start.

COLIN: Well, in that case, I suggest we also kill the two players under active camoflage currently observing us.

[Colin raises his magnum and aims it at Brody and Kyle.]

KYLE: Oh balls!

[Colin opens fire, attempting to frag both]

BRODY: God-damnit! Fall back!

EUGENE: What the flying fuck?

[Eugene also raises his magnum and shoots at Brody and Kyle attempting to kill them.]

[Brody and Kyle run back to a room with Colin and Eugene in pursuit.]

KYLE: I suggest we get the hell out of dodge pronto, we blew it! We fight and we're boned!

BRODY: Son of a bitch!

[Brody and Kyle leave the match. Eugene enters the room with no sight of neither Brody
nor Kyle.]

EUGENE: Must have bailed... pussies. How did you know they were there?

COLIN: Observational skills, got 'em off Ehem. I spotted those two right away. They had active camouflage and overshields, yet we're playing on a map variant clear of armor abilities and power ups. Admission to this server is by invitation only. We didn't receive notification of their entry, and they were intent on taking us by surprise.
Whoever they are, it is safe to conclude that they're in possession of MY software which is your cue to explain to me how the fuck that's possible! Nobody besides you has received the software from me!

EUGENE: Hey! No fucking way that anybody besides Tyler, Arbiter or Master Chief got it from me, and none of them have a reason to leak it to anybody else. This doesn't make sense.

[beats]

COLIN: So you gave the patch to Tyler on a flash drive at your school, correct? That would be the only instance in which the software was exchanged in a public setting. Could somebody have witnessed the exchange? Did either of you at the time say anything relating to the patch that could have been overheard?

[beats]

EUGENE: Possibly...

[beat]

COLIN: Careless Eugene, I'm really losing patience.

EUGENE: We never said anything incriminating, but maybe enough for the eavesdropper to suspect that the drive contains something of value.

COLIN: Well, could somebody have taken Tyler's drive from him? I imagine it wouldn't have been that difficult. We're both aware that attentiveness isn't quite his strong suit. Really the only way those players could have found their way to the server is by joining either of our sessions in progress. I mean who would be familiar with our tags and somehow have access to the patch?

[beats]


EUGENE: Brody... I remember seeing him briefly right after the exchange. If anybody felt motivated to attack me, it would be him. He and Tyler had a class together afterwards too, that's when he would have taken it. That motherfucker! It was him. Him and his friend Kyle, I bet money that he was the second guy. I'm convinced, I'm going to send a friendly voice message their way.

[Eugene starts recording his message]

EUGENE: I gotta give you pathetic sorry-ass bitches some props for being smart enough to run off. Swallowing your pride isn't easy, but I'm sure Brody's had plenty of practise, Haven't you buddy? You know what I'm talking about. And should anything occur that causes us even the slightest inconvenience, I'd advise you to have plenty of toilet paper ready for the quickly ensuing shit storm. We'll be in touch.

[Eugene sends his message.]

EUGENE: Guaranteed those douche bags aren't going to do shit now that they know that we're onto them. We'll handle them further after we're through with this service.

[The scene ends]

Scene 3: Kitchen Edit

[This scene starts with a shot of Master Chief and Arbiter passed out from their alcohol usage.]

[Master Chief is shown to be holding Arbiter's waist, he wakes up. Realizing that, Master Chief quickly gets up]

MASTER CHIEF: AAH / OMG GTH OFF OF ME / IT'S K, CH33F / UR STR8, UR STR8 / UR /ALL ABOUT THE PU$$IE$ / jesus god / so many pains in the vains of mai brains / so much of those

[Master Chief picks up the phone to check the time.]

MASTER CHIEF: :0 (Surprised face) / O SHIT SON

[Master chief goes to wake up The Arbiter.]

MASTER CHIEF: HAY / nap times over, bitch

THE ARBITER: I had a dream that you were gone. I was alone in the apartment.

MASTER CHIEF: its /all gonna b k, arbitur / it was just a nightmares

THE ARBITER: No, this is. I was on fucking vacation.

MASTER CHIEF: WE'RE LATE, DUDE / THIS IS UNACKSEPTIBLE / this is gonna b 1 memorial service that were never gonna forgot!1one / for liek at l33st a whole single w33ks / dont told me. / let me guessed. / ur getting gold feet, isn't u? / better knot, or i swore 2 MS that ima wh00ped ur a$$

THE ARBITER: I wish. Could flog them once they drop off as well. Unless you mean't "cold" feet -- in which case, no. On any other day, I'd be wallowing after an incident like that with Claire the other day. Not today. I've had it with feeling guilty and miserable. I've spent enough of my life doing that. I'm ready to have some fun. Ugh. Jesus. My tummy isn't happy. How much booze did we get through last night?

[Arbiter covers his mouth to stop himself from vomiting.]

MASTER CHIEF: not enuff, they'res still sum left.

[Arbiter fails to stop himself from vomiting, as a result, he vomits on Chief's feet.]

MASTER CHIEF: WHAT THE HELL / U GOT A FUCKING DEATH WISH, BRO? / NOT C00L

THE ARBITER: Sorry. I feel a lot better now.

MASTER CHIEF: YEAH NOT 4 VERY LONG ASSHOLE

[Chief covers his mouth to stop himself from throwing up, and like Arbiter, he fails to stop himself from vomiting. He vomits on Arbiter's face.]

MASTER CHIEF: LOLOLLOLOOOLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLOOL

[beat]

ARBITER: I need a cigarette.

Scene 4: Ridgeline (the memorial) Edit

[scene starts with various angles, cuts to waterfall]

[Cuts to number of destroyed warhogs on fire, then to yellow-armored moderators laying on the ground]

EUGENE: Looks like our clan's budding trolls finally made it in.

[brief shot of Arbiter and Chief approaching]

EUGENE: What do you guys say we let our clan's newest members get their dicks wet and take point?

CHIEF: OMFG / yes, plex / :D / lollololollololollool

ARBITER: I thought you'd never ask.

[cut to the central clearing, where the minister and attendees gathered; the song still plays]

It be rainy, it be sunny,
I be chillin' with my honeys,
fuck them bitches like a bunny,
beatin' up them fuckin' cunnies,
'cause I got so much money,
it ain't even fuckin' funny;
you laugh, you'd better runny,
else I cap you with my gunny -- and stop.
Wanna give a shout-out to my homies on the streets.
Blaze err'day, y'all.

[the song ends; silence falls]

MINISTER: The tragedy of the world being robbed of a person as delightful as Blumpkinbeast666 is only surpassed by that of the theft of his surging talent.

ATTENDEE: Play it again, yo! That shit was off the hook!

MODERATOR [rushing towards the crowd]: Security breach!

[beat; the moderator is assassinated by Chief]

CHIEF: well wat can i said? / lifes a br33ch and then u died / LOLOLLOLOOOLOLLOLOLOLLOLOOL

[Colin assassinated another moderator under Active Camo; takes his sniper rifle and fires it at two other moderators; cloaks again]

[in the aparment, Arbiter lights a cigarette]

[cuts to three moderators on warhog, Chief picks up the moderator's rocket launcher and fires at the vehicle which explodes and kills the moderators]

[cuts to Tyler with chaingun, crowd of attendees face Tyler, Tyler opens fire on the attendees.] 

EUGENE: May you be giving blumpkins to the devil to your heart's content throughout your eternity in hell, pal. You can give me one when I see you there.

[cut to Chief smacking the corpse's body and firing at it.]

CHIEF: LOLLOLOLOLLLOLOLOLOLL! / RIP IN PIECES, MOTHER FUCKER

[cut to the minister, running away]

MINISTER: You sons of bitches! Do you realize that what you've done is unforgiveable?! I hope you're pleased with yourselves, you fucking animals!

[he bumps into Arbiter while walking backwards; looks up at him; Arbiter points his gun at him]

ARBITER: You seem upset.

[Arbiter fires a single shot at the miniter; beat; he shoots a few more bullets, then reloads; closeup on his avatar]

[silent credits]

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