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TranscriptEdit

Viewer discretion warning is seen. Opening credits roll.

[Arbiter is seen on Jon's couch playing Forge mode on the Halo 3 Legendary map, Blackout. Chief walks over.]

  • Chief: "hey nubcake"
  • Arbiter: "Hello to you too, Chief."

[Chief sees what Arbiter's doing in the game.]

  • Chief: "um" / "exkuez meh wtf r u doin?"
  • Arbiter: "Playing the Legendary map pack."
  • Chief: "but i thot u haeted teh map pak adn hat3d hal0 3 adn bungie"
  • Arbiter: "Halo 3 is great and Bungie is nothing short of amazing. I just disliked the Heroic map pack.
  • Chief: "so y u playign this 1 then?"
  • Arbiter: "Because the Legendary map pack actually kicks ass, and adding these new visual filters was just a plain awesome idea."

[Arbiter is seen tinkering with various filters in the game. Chief sits down.]

  • Chief: "wikkid awsum / turn them all on"
  • Arbiter: "Settle down, Chief. I mean most of the visual filters cool, but some of them are made entirely for machinima and it's impossible to see with them turned on. Playing with them all on would be fucking stupid."

[Arbiter looks at Chief.]

  • Arbiter: "What kind of ignoramus would do that? Who, I ask you? Who?"

[Ten minutes later Chief is seen making a map on Avalanche. As expected he puts down all of the FX Filters.]

  • Chief: "holy shit this r teh bestt map in teh whoel wrold / ima inviet sum freindz"

[Chief records a voice message to all of his friends.]

  • ​Chief: "m2af / cum chek otu this map i maed it r betar than / secks adn wen u c it ur hed wil asploed, cum c"

[One of Chief's friends joins the game.]

  • Chief's Friend: "Whoa! Cool! This map is awesome, Master Chief!"
  • Chief: "thx man"
  • Chief's Friend: "There's so many fuckin sweet visual filters that I can't see shit! That means this map kicks ass! Whoo! Alright, yeah awesome!"

[Chief's friend blindly runs around everywhere. Arbiter walks onto the couch.]

  • Arbiter: "Showing your map to your idiot friends?"
  • Chief: "ya / they <3 it"
  • Chief's Friend: "This is the best map ever, Master Chief! Whoo!"
  • Chief: "[Silent] :3"

[Arbiter sits down.]

  • Arbiter: "I've gotta see this. Show me your map."
  • Chief: "k"
  • Arbiter: "And turn all that filter shit off."

[Chief deletes the filters and moves on.]

  • Chief: "this r wer all teh ppl sp4wn"

[A messy pile of spawn points is shown.]

  • Arbiter: "Doesn't look like you put any thought into strategic placement. You seem to have just piled them into one spot. What if it's team game?"
  • Chief: "so wat if it is //1?"
  • Arbiter: "Both teams are going to spawn together in this little spot!"
  • Chief: "S0?"
  • Arbiter[sarcastic]: "You're right, it's great! I Don't know why I brought it up. Please continue."

[Chief goes to a walled off pile of vehicles.]

  • Chief: "and this is wer teh vehicals r / i call it... teh vehicle house!"
  • Arbiter: "How original. Again you've just put them all in one pile. What? There's not even an opening in the wall! How are you supposed to get the vehicles out? Let alone even get in?"
  • Chief: "its caled strategeh mai friend "
  • Arbiter: "...What the fuck does that even mean?"
  • Chief: "i wunt even bother exlanign / u want 2 no y?"
  • Arbiter: "I would very much like to know, Chief. Please indulge me."
  • Chief: "its becuz ur brain is liek this [makes a small gesture with his hands] and mai brain is liek this [makes a wide gesture] / u just wudn't understand"
  • Arbiter: "Well, you're right about that."

[More enclosed piles of things are shown.]

  • Arbiter: "I see you've done the same with weapons and equipment. Just put them all in one pile and then sealed them off."
  • Chief: "ya / its magnifisent"
  • Arbiter: "Give me that!"

[Arbiter snatches the controller.]

  • Arbiter: "And just as I thought you've spent remainder of the Forge budget on every large interesting object you could find and, using your incredible brain power, thrown them into this messy, incoherent pile."

[A pile of random objects is shown in the center of the map.]

  • Chief: "u think ur soooooooo smrt  dunt u? teh coolness of a map is meshered by teh amount of monies that u spend"
  • Arbiter: "Oh, I see. Your map has zero dollars left so it must be one-hundred percent perfect and fun to play."
  • Chief: "nao u got it"
  • Arbiter: "Let's get a second opinion, shall we? Hey Cortana! Come look at Chief's retarded map."

[Cortana comes over.]

  • Arbiter: "How would you rate this map, Cortana? Out of ten?"
  • Chief: "cortana's got mai bakc rite baby?"
  • Cortana: "This is the worst piece of shit map I've ever seen in my life."

[Chief starts flailing in anger.]

  • Chief: "SHUT UP SK4NKY HO / WTF WUD U NO N E WAY?/ UR A GIRL/ U ONLY NO HAO 2 MAEK SAMMICHES ADN CLEEN STUFF ADN BUY SHO3Z ADN TAMPONZ ADNN PLEH BARBIE/ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL-"

[Cortana grabs the frying pan and smacks Chief off the couch with it.]

  • Chief: "...lolololollolololololo"
  • Cortana[to Arbiter]: "You live with this douchebag?"

[Arbiter holds his hand up.]

  • Arbiter: "High-five."

[Credits roll. The end.]

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