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Scene 1: The Living Room Edit

(The door slowly creaks open, and after a few seconds, Master Chief pokes himself out from behind it to look at the camera. During this, the song "What's this?" from Nightmare Before Christmas plays.)

Master Chief: hello i am master chief llololollolollolololllo

(Chief boots up the Xbox 360)

Master Chief: i hope jon doesn't mind that ima use his 360

(Chief opens the disk drive to find Gears of War in the slot)

Master Chief: wtf gears sucks halo is the best fps

(Chief begins looking through the Xbox 360 games)

Master Chief: gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, omg yay halo 3 beta

(He retrieves the Crackdown case, opens it up, puts the disk on the slot and closes it back up for the 360 to read and boot up, while he takes the Gears of War case after putting its disk back in, and tosses it into the closet)

Master Chief: bitch

(Chief sits down on the couch with the Xbox 360 controller on his lap, and waits for the game to boot up)

Master Chief: time to own some n00bs

(Unfortunately, it takes some time for the game to boot up as it goes through all the logos for the companies that made the game)

Master Chief: holy shit this takes forever

(Beat, as the notice about "Game Experience May Change During Online Play" comes up next)

Master Chief: christ's sake

(The title screen comes up with "Press Start To Play" and Chief is taken to the Main Menu, only to have to wait for the game to sign in Jon's gamer profile)

Master Chief: seriously what the fuck

(After a few more seconds, Chief finally is signed in and the Main Menu appears. He scrolls down to "Downloads", selects it, and when the Downloads Menu appears, he scrolls to "Play Halo 3 Beta" and selects it. The screen goes black as it loads up the Halo 3 Beta, repeating a message in the lower right corner that says "Loading...Halo 3 Beta...Love, Bungie", before showing the ESRB disclaimer, the online gaming notice, and then the Bungie logo)

Master Chief: fuck lets go already

(Soon, a message saying "Welcome to the Beta" appears, and Chief skips it to finally get into the game)

Master Chief: jesus christ finally

(As Chief prepares to play some Halo 3 Beta multiplayer, he decides to browse through Jon's loadout and profile)

Master Chief: ima look @ jon's profile

(He looks at Jon's Spartan avatar)

Master Chief: what a fag

(He closes the Profile window)

Master Chief: w/e

(He looks through the multiplayer playlists and selects Rumble Pit as the lobby to play in)

Master Chief: team games are for fags / rumble pit ftw

(After a few seconds, the matchmaking search finds Chief a match on the map Snowbound)

Master Chief: fucking snowbound

(He begins pressing the X button on his controller to vote to veto the map and find another one)

Master Chief: veto this shit faggots

(The veto vote only registers one veto vote out of six. No one else seems to want to change maps but Chief)

Master Chief: dammit, veto

(Someone else joins Chief in the veto vote, making it two out of six, but no one else wants to veto the map as the countdown for the veto vote runs out)

Master Chief: veto veto veto fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck / you guys are gay go to hell

(Despite not wanting to play on Snowbound, Chief decides to endure it as the match begins)

Master Chief: time to kick some ass

Halo 3 Announcer: Slayer...

(Chief wiggles his analog sticks around to move his avatar and look around, but in the game, he runs into an enemy player on a Ghost while another one crosses right in front of him, forcing him to shoot back in panic)

Master Chief: o shit

(The other enemy player on foot goes down with a grunt, but Chief manages to duck back behind an energy shield, protecting him from the Ghost's plasma fire. He fires a few bursts from his Assault Rifle at it in confusion as he checks it out)

Master Chief: what the fuck is this

(As Chief steps back outside and fires another burst at the shield, he's forced back behind it when the enemy Ghost fires on him again, empties his clip, and has to reload. Another player tries to draw the Ghost's attention, but is quickly killed. As Chief tosses his Frag Grenades at the shield, causing them to bounce off and damage him when they explode, he is soon under fire from another player and is killed before he can retaliate)

Master Chief: standbying bitch fuck you fuck fuck

(Chief mashes his fire button as, in the map, he attacks another player who protects himself by deploying a Bubble Shield. When Chief tries to finish him off, his bullets are blocked by the Bubble Shield)

Master Chief: wtf ur use hax

(Chief activates his headset's microphone to complain to the player hiding in the Bubble Shield)

Master Chief: stop hacking n00b piece of shit go to hell

(Out of ammo, Chief melees the Bubble Shield to try and get the player hiding inside to come out)

Master Chief: go eat cock / come out u fuck

(Finally, the Bubble Shield self-destructs after using up its time limit after deployment, and the player pops Chief in the head with his Beam Rifle, killing his avatar instantly from a headshot before Chief is run over by a Ghost that kills the player who just killed him with its plasma cannons)

Master Chief: god damnit how he snipe me he hax wtf bungie ruin game

(Once Chief respawns, he finds one of the new grenades introduced in Halo 3: The Spike Grenade)

Master Chief: whats this / new gernade type, cool

(Chief fires one into the wall, but when it explodes, the spikes shoot back out at him, killing him in a suicide)

Master Chief: wtf gay weapon. bungie r retard

(After wiggling one of his analog sticks some more, Chief is outside on Snowbound, and finds the dropped Beam Rifle from one of the other players, swapping his Assault Rifle for it)

Master Chief: yes i got snipe

(He activates his headset microphone again)

Master Chief: ima snipe you all hhahahhahhhahahaahahhhahhahahahhah haahahhhahhahahahhah

(Chief tries to snipe another player, but fires the Beam Rifle too quickly, causing it to overheat and have to discharge the excess heat)

Master Chief: fuck

(He panics and tries using his grenades instead until he can fire the Beam Rifle again)

Master Chief: die u bitch / eat shit faggot

(He is melee-killed by the other player)

Master Chief: god dammit

(He hits his mic again)

Master Chief: y dun u whore teh assault rifle some more homo

(On another map, Chief finds a Battle Rifle to pull off the familiar combo of using the Plasma Pistol's overcharged shot to drain an enemy's shield, then finish them off with the Battle Rifle's 3-shot burst to the head)

Master Chief: yes ima get l337 combo

(He hits his mic again)

Master Chief: time 2 die bitches

(Chief singles out a player and hits him with the Plasma Pistol's overcharged shot to take out his shields, but then simply sprays his Battle Rifle all over the place, missing his chance to kill the guy before his shields recharge.)

Master Chief: wtf y he no die

(Chief tries again, but barely gets off the overcharged Plasma Pistol shot before he is killed)

Master Chief: it does not work

(After spinning his analog stick around some more, Chief mans a heavy Machine Gun turret and begins spraying lead down at the other players)

Master Chief: eat lead assface

(However his poor aim causes him to not hit anything)

Master Chief: y this gun no work??/

(He is killed by a frag grenade another player tosses next to him from behind)

Master Chief: omg hax0r

(Chief continues twirling his analog stick before he finds a player completely unaware of his presence. He charges his Plasma Pistol and takes aim...)

Master Chief: this guy is so pwn3d

(Chief fires his shot, draining the player's shields, pulls out his Battle Rifle, and kills the player from close range, this time not flailing his Battle Rifle all over the place when he does so, but aiming carefully this time)

Master Chief: idiot hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(He begins melee and tea-bagging the dead player's body)

Master Chief: how do u like my balls in ur face dumbass

(The player replies to Chief over his headset)

Xbox Live Player: Wasn't even playing, dude, I was getting something to eat. In fact you've done nothing but talk shit the whole match and blame Bungie for stuff just because you suck so much ass.

Master Chief: (Into his own headset) suck my balls

Xbox Live Player: What the hell kind of response is that?

Master Chief: thats what ur mom sed last night hahahahahaha

(Back on Snowbound, Chief manages to pick up the Shotgun as one of his weapons)

Master Chief: omg yes i got shotgun

(Chief finds an area that would allow him to ambush any players that came in from either direction with the Shotgun)

Master Chief: ima camp here adn pwn evry 1 llollololollllolollloloolllolololollolol

(Unfortunately for Chief, he hears a player groan as he is killed by a Beam Rifle, and that's the game winning kill)

Halo 3 Announcer: Game Over

Master Chief: fuck!!1 :(

(End of transcript)

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