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Transcript[]
[Opening credits roll]
[Arbiter and Chief are seen on the kitchen counter]
CHIEF: welcoem back 2 hypermail mothir fuckers / im ur 1 and only host mastur ch33f
ARBITER: Hello, everybody. Thanks for watching the show and we hope you enjoyed last weeks story episode. This first hypermail is from Kaylee. "Dear Arbiter. Why do you hate Chief so much? Sure he can be an asshole sometimes but without him there'd be no show. You'd be all alone without anyone to communicate your thoughts to so you'd be bored and sad out of your mind. You would probably just end up comitting scuicide. You need to have more compasion for each other. You should hug. It would make me happy. :)" You're absolutly right, Kaylee. Without Chief there would be no show.
CHIEF: HELLS YEH
ARBITER: I doubt he'd be up for a hug though, as I'm sure he equates the slightest male to male contact with full blown homosexuality.
CHIEF: tahts not trufax
ARBITER: It isn't?
[Chief prepares for a hug]
CHIEF: lets go / bro hug / cum on / bro hug 4 a tru bro
ARBITER: Serious?
CHIEF: maek liek a scorpion and GET TEH FUCK OVER H33R
ARBITER: Okay...
[They hug]
CHIEF: hell ya / buckel up bitch / bro force is nao in maximum ovardriev
ARBITER: Just so you know, Scorpion doesn't go anywhere.
CHIEF: wat?
ARBITER: He tells other people to go where he is. When he uses his grapple thing.
CHIEF: w/e fuck killar instinct / halo is wae moar an infinitys much more better n e ways
ARBITER: ...That's a lot.
CHIEF: ya
[Chief jerks away from Arbiter and sits down]
CHIEF: k / optimum bro lvl r33ched this is gettign gehy nao
ARBITER: I hope you got your kicks, Kaylee. Thanks for watching the show.
CHIEF: this males is frum anthony / "Dear Arby and Chief. If you could buy a plane ticket to anywhere where would it be?"
ARBITER: Somewhere of great historical signifigance. Like Egypt or somewhere I could keep a low profile and skulk beyond shitty tourist parameters while I dig around looking for the roots of existance.
CHIEF: ur m0ms vagina
ARBITER: ...Ah. I see. Because a plane could fly through it... Mature. This one's from Pointex. "Where did Greg go? Will he ever come back?
CHIEF: if he does coem back ill kick his a$$
ARBITER: Don't know, dude. We'll just have to wait and see.
CHIEF: this mails is from akshay
ARBITER: He's probably not pronouncing that right. Sorry.
CHIEF: "Dear Chief. yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes to play Wii fit."
ARBITER: Hahaha.
CHIEF: well ur m0ms so fat she cant even pleh wii fit she'd braek teh fucking board lollolollolol
ARBITER: This next one is from Tyrell. "Arbiter, Why do you act like such a faggy bitch all the time? Seriously grow a pair of balls and man the fuck up you make me want to kill myself. Chief, How can I get all the bitches? Keep pwning noobs, Chief. Fuck you Arbiter." Thanks for you hypermail, Tyrell.
CHIEF: sry tyrell all teh bitchez is mien / lmao / cant has
ARBITER: You too cheeky, Chief. Can't you find it in your heart to spare at least a few bitches? For those in need?
CHIEF: nope / :3 / [reads some mail] roflmao / "hello again, Chief. Can we have sex again in Arbiters bed? You can make him watch you slap my titties. Sincerely, Arbiter's sister." / lolol ARBITER: Couldn't just stop with my mother, could you? You have to interfere sexually with my entire family tree. You're such a stud.
CHIEF: :)
ARBITER: [reads some mail] "Dear, Chief. Go fuck yourself. Sincerely, Chief's dad."
CHIEF: wth? no u dad / fuckign asshole
ARBITER: You don't have a dad, Chief.
CHIEF: o ya
ARBITER: It seems we're getting a lot of mail from the family. We'll thats all the time we have today. See you all next time.
[Arbiter walks away revealing a sign on his back that says "im retartid"]
CHIEF: LULZ / DUMASS
[Chief walks away and a sign is seen on his back that says "I can't spell"]
[End credits roll]