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TranscriptEdit

Scene 1:Jon's ApartmentEdit

A candle is seen on the floor. The power is still out from the previous episode. A farting noise is heard and Chief is seen squatting over the candle.


  • Chief: PARDEN ME  /  LOL
  • Arbiter:  Mature.


The two are shown to be playing scrabble. Chief sits down across from Arbiter.


  • Arbiter: My letters are crap.
  • Chief: ur face is crap  /  hury up and go alreadie
  • Arbiter: Don't start. You're a thousand times worse. That frying pan would make for stiffer competition.
  • Chief: nobodys stiffer than teh chief babby  /  ask ur mom  /  ;)  /  GO
  • Arbiter: Fine. Fuck it.


Arbiter plays.


  • Arbiter: 'At.'
  • Chief: u suck
  • Arbiter: Yeah, yeah. Two points. You keeping score or not? Two.


Chief does nothing.


  • Arbiter: You keeping score or not? Two. Write it down.
  • Chief: ill remembered it
  • Arbiter: You won't remember shit. Write it.
  • Chief: omg
  • Arbiter: Your go. Wake me up when you're through.
  • Chief: BUT IM REDY AS SPAGETI ARBITUR
  • Arbiter: Reallly? Wow. You taking a turn lasting any less than an hour ought to be televised.


Chief plays.


  • Chief: 'CUMFART'
  • Arbiter: Okay, this isn't right. How are you able to put down revolting words every single time?
  • Chief: 1 2 3 4 5 6 sevin thousind points
  • Arbiter: Might wanna double-check that, genius.
  • Chief: no its k  /  :3
  • Arbiter: Every player's points combined after a full board couldn't even come close to that. How the fuck did you get seven thousand from 'cumfart'?
  • Chief: TRIPEL WERD SCOAR DIPSHIT
  • Arbiter: I'd ask you to explain your reasoning but I wouldn't want my head to explode.
  • Chief: i exploded in ur moms head  /  ROFL
  • Arbiter: You're not even allowed to put 'cumfart' down. In fact, every single one of your words is invalid. You can't put curse words.
  • Chief: who the hell w00d play that shit  /  thats stuped  /  n e wayz ur just scaered cuz u no im way beter than u at this gaem lol
  • Arbiter: Sigh. Whatever. Pass me the letters.


Chief throws the letter bag over.Arbiter draws his letters.


  • Arbiter: Hey, you know that hacker pair? The Elite and that horrendous kid?
  • Chief: yes arbitur  /  i noes them
  • Arbiter: I think I remember catching a glimpse of their tags in that match. When I put my cusor over them. Remember we couldn't see them before? On Breakpoint?
  • Chief: yeh  /  i cudnt add that hot sounding chick 2 mai frends list  /  :(  /  so wat
  • Arbiter: So we know who they are. We can let TOSERS know and they can kick their asses off the network. I think it was because we picked up those modded weapons. Maybe people with the same hacks can see each other's tags.
  • Chief: nao just u wait 1 secinds there arbitur  /  if we have teh 1337 hax alredies then y did we n33d 2 downloaded them frum teh intra tubez?
  • Arbiter: I'm pretty sure our console-bricking abilities were temporary. The actual files are needed to reproduce those effects from game to game. Anyway, those guys might be in our recent players list. I can't remember the tags exactly. One was 'MILF-something' or other. Stupid.


Arbiter looks and notices Chief's other leg is shown coverd in tape.


  • Arbiter: Shit, did your other foot come off?
  • Chief: huh?
  • Arbiter: I just noticed your other ankle's all taped and glued up.
  • Chief: oh  /  yeh  /  :(
  • Arbiter: Jeez... I saw this great movie the other night. I streamed it on the Xbox. You oughta check it out. I really think you'd dig it.
  • Chief: wat m00v33
  • Arbiter: Footloose.
  • Chief: go 2 hell
  • Arbiter: Hahaha.
  • Chief: at l33st i dusnt l00k liek i just  had a sleepovar @ peter norths house
  • Arbiter: What's that supposed to mean?
  • Chief: l00ks liek sum dude drained his balls in ur helmet b4 u put it on lmao
  • Arbiter: It's glue!
  • Chief: k watevir u sez arbitur  /  watevir u sez.
  • Arbiter: [beat] We're not doing so hot, are we?"
  • Chief: wat u m33n?
  • Arbiter: My armor's coming apart in all places. I can feel my joints getting loose. I used to be so rigid.
  • Chief: im allways rijid  /  :)
  • Arbiter: You? You're worse off than me, man. You're barely keeping yourself together. The only thing left to come off is your head. Your visor's already detachable.
  • Chief: :'(
  • Arbiter: But I suppose it doesn't really matter. In a way, your head's already long gone.
  • Chief: wtf is that suposed 2 m33n
  • Arbiter: Surely you must realize by now that you're mentally retarded, right? And I don't mean that in derogatory slang, I mean literally retarded.
  • Chief: FUCK U ASSHOLE  /  im a genious
  • Arbiter: No.


Chief gets up angrily and flips the Scabble board. Arbiter gets up too.


  • Arbiter: Every game! Every fucking game you flip the board! You need a severe kick in the ass!
  • Chief: u n33d a severe cock in teh ass  /  but ud <3 that i gess
  • Arbiter: You think you're so funny, don't you? Sorry to burst your little bubble. You aren't. You've really changed, you know that?
  • Chief: LOL WUT
  • Arbiter: I mean you've always been an utter moron, but there was a time when it was at least somewhat charming. You didn't know any better. It was innocent. But now it's like you're self-aware to some degree. Instead of shouting outrageous things in sheer ignorance it's like you're genuinely out to antagonize and hurt people. It's not funny anymore. And you've killed your 'mom' and 'dick' jokes stone-dead with years of incessant repetition. Now you're just offensive.
  • Chief: ROFLMAO  /  wat, u think ur n e fun 2 lived w/?
  • Arbiter: No, I know I'm not perfect either.
  • Chief: YEAH NO SHIT SHAMROCK  /  when ur not paraeding around h33r pretending 2 sound samrt ur sitting arond all :( drinking all teh bewze whining liek a little cunt about hao much dick ur lief sux  /  NOT 2 MENSHIN HOW FUCKING GROSS U R 2 L00K @  /  IF I WAS FORSED 2 PICK ID EASILY BEAT OFF 2 A PICTUER OF GREG OVER U U UGLY FUCK LOL
  • Arbiter: At the very least, I have the desire to better myself.
  • Chief: GOOD FOR U FAGGOT NOBODY FUCKING CARES  /  its just u and me h33r  /  teh only othar pplz who noes u is claire and she thinks ur a fucking douchebag
  • Arbiter: Greg would still be here if you didn't treat him like shit!
  • Chief: besieds u already said u dusnt think thers n e points 2 n e thing so wtf r u evin woried about  /  MAKE UP UR FUCKING MIND  /  BETER YET JUST KILL URSELF ALREADY U PATHETICK FUCKING LOSER  /  LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL


Arbiter starts moving to attack Chief.


  • Chief: BRING IT ON COCKSUCKER  /  H33R PUSS PUSS PUSS PUSS PUSS  /  HAHHAHAHAHHAH


The kitchen light flickers on as the power comes back on. They both stare at it and then at each other.


Opening credits roll.

Scene 2: Highlands (TOSERS server)Edit

Adam is seen walking to the armory. He fires grenade through an upper level window. A moderator looks at it and it expodes,killing him.

In the lower armory two moderators stand guard. Duncan kills one with a rocket.The other returns fire. Kylie uncloaks behind the moderator and assassinates him. Duncan goes over to the weapon tables.

  • Kylie:"Setting up camp here?"
  • Duncan:"Yep. I got this place covered. You go on ahead."
  • Kylie:"A couple points of entry upstairs. Keep an eye on those, would you?"
  • Duncan:"Copy that, sweetcheeks."
  • Kylie:"Call me that again and this will be your last game."

Kylie walks off.

An emergancy siren is herd and moderators are seen running about.Claire comes out of a building nearby.

  • Claire:"Hey. What's going on? Where's everybody running?"
  • TOSERS moderator:"It's that hacker clan! They found a way in with their hacks and they're perma-banning us!"

Three moderators are seen assembling on the command center walkway.Clyde assassinates one with his energy sword and kills the other two with his magnum.Leonard is seen hiding with a shotgun arond the corner. Clyde turns his back and Leonard attacks him. Clyde goes into armor lock and Leonard runs. Clyde unlocks and chases him.

Arbiter and Chief are seen runng along the map. The stop on a small hill.

  • Arbiter:"What the hell?You hear that?"
  • Chief:"h33r wut homo?"
  • Arbiter:"Explosions and shit. I thought this was a non- combat server?"

Leonard runs up to them.

  • Arbiter:"We found them. The hacks I mean. In the tunneling networks."
  • Leonard:"You have them? Send them to me! Hurry!"
  • Arbiter:"What's going on?"
  • Leonard:"Chaos Theosis! They're here in the server and they're bricking everybody!"
  • Chief:"o rly?"
  • Arbiter:"Holy shit are you serious?"
  • Chief:"freeze / TOSERS /  get down on teh fuckign ground"

Chief runs off across the map spraying bullets.

  • Arbiter:"Chief! Wait! [to Leonard] We might be of some use fighting back if you lifted our moderator restrictions."
  • Leonard:"[beat] They're gone. You guys are level three now but only for the time being. Now hurry and send me the files."
  • Arbiter:"Right."

Adam comes up and assassinates Leonard before Arbiter can transmit the hacks.

  • Adam:"You got knocked the fuck out,son!"

Adam sees Arbiter.

  • Adam:"You again?!"

Adam shoots Arbiter with a rocket. The hacks overshield saves Arbiter.

  • Adam:"This is gonna be the last time we run into eachother! You're history!"
  • Arbiter:"We have your hacks. Playing field's even. And I'm a decent shot. You'd better hope you have what it takes to frag me, you little shit."

Adam gets on a nearby mongoose and drives away.

  • Arbiter:"Pussy. Not a bad idea though."

Arbiter runs off to look for Chief.

Claire is seen running into the armory. She goes around a corner and Kylie starts shooting at her. Claire hides around the other corner. Kylie starts shooting through the wall and Claire runs upstairs to the heli-pad. Clyde appears and starts shooting at her. Cody flies over on a falcon with Cameron on the turret.Cameron starts shooting Clyde and he retreats.

  • Cameron:"Payback ,jerk-off ! You have any idea how long it'll take for me to afford a new console?"
  • Cody:"And I realy hate sharing my screen."

Claire runs off and Adam comes up looking for her.

Arbiter comes into the armory hallway and looks around. Chief comes around a corner.

  • Chief:"o hai"
  • Arbiter:"Stop running off, retard. We'll have a better chance if we're covering eachothers backs."
  • Chief:"i c0vared ur moms back last nite / ROFL"

The two go up to the roof. Arbiter walks up and puts his gun to the back of Adam's head.

  • Arbiter:"Game over,kid."

Chief walks over. Adam turns to face Arbiter.Cody and Cameron hover in the falcon nearby.

  • Cameron:"End of the line, assholes."
  • Cody:"I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Now it's time to face the consequences."

A rocket destroys the falcon.

  • Chief:"o shit"

Duncan is seen reloading his rocket launcher on the lower walkway.

  • Duncan:"Indeed. And they'll never be the same."
  • Adam:"I wouldn't shoot if I were you."
  • Arbiter:"Oh yeah? Is it because you're an idiot? That just gives me more incentive."
  • Claire:"Arbiter..."

Arbiter looks. A grenade is seen cooking at Claire's feet.

  • Chief:"o snap lol"
  • Arbiter:"[to Adam] If you even think about letting go of that trigger you're gonna be really sorry, pal !"
  • Adam:"Don't tempt me! Your hollow threats are just giving me more incentive! I'd keep your mouth shut unless you want me blow this cunt sky high!"

Arbiter let's Adam walk away. Clyde walks around and faces Arbiter. Kylie and Duncan also appear on the roof.

  • Arbiter:"[to Clyde] So what do we do now? Uno? Is everyone done beating off over there?"
  • Chief:"lol i thot taht wuz teh rools"
  • Clyde:"How 'bout you fuck off and let us be on our way?"
  • Kylie:"And if we ever see you again we'll blow you away."
  • Chief:"u can blow meh away n e tiem baybay / ;) / LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

Kylie raises her gun.

  • Kylie:"I'm gonna kill this mother fucker."
  • Clyde:"No."

Kylie stands down.

  • Clyde:"I think,as much I'd like to cap these guys, it's in everyones best interest now to walk away. We still have some work to do...You're not bad players, I'll give you that much."
  • Chief:"thx man"

The hackers slowly leave the rooftop.Adam is seen reaching the bottom an looking back. The grenade explodes,fragging Claire.

  • Chief:":0 [surprised face]"
  • Kylie:"[laughs] Oh my god."
  • Duncan:"Wow, did you seriously just do that?"
  • Adam:"Oops! [laughs]"

Arbiter stares at Claire's dead body.

Scene 3: Jon's ApartmentEdit

Several multyplayer games are seen on different maps.Allen Radcliff is seen speaking.

  • Allen Radcliff:"It is with sincere regret that I inform Xbox Live players and subscribers that the Terms of Service Enforcement/Response Squad has been dismantled.Chaos Theosis, the hacker clan mentioned previously, has penetrated the enforcement's command hub server wich we thought was secure. We were mistaken."

Arbiter and Chief are seen watching the anouncement on Jon's computer.

  • Allen Radcliff:"The consoles of many TOSERS personel have been bricked from all network connections. If players continue to be banned the administration will have no choice but to manualy shut down the network until a software patch nullifying the hacks effects is discovered."
  • Chief:"wtf r u watching? i dont c n e vaginas / we haz 2 does sumthign abot this rite nao / lol / who is this douche?"
  • Arbiter:"He's the head of the network. TOSERS is gone."
  • Chief:":/ [forty-five degree angle mouth face]"
  • Arbiter:"There's nothing to stop those hackers from tearing the network a new one now."
  • Chief:"butt we can still pleh hal0s rite? "
  • Arbiter:"Maybe, but not for long. The OMN's gonna shut it down."
  • Chief:"NOOOOO / not mai halos!"

Arbiter continues a conversation with Claire via instant messaging on the other computer.

  • Claire:Right after that kid fragged me the notification came up."
  • Arbiter:You couldn't sign back on?
  • Claire:Nope. Tried a million times. Then I checked my social networking accounts. They were hacked. Someone spammed a bunch of obscene status updates. It freaked me out 'cause I use the same password for a lot of other stuff. So I spent all morning changing them for all the accounts I could think of.
  • Arbiter:That's terrible.
  • Claire:And apparently I have a package coming. I have no idea what it is. I'm worried.
  • Arbiter:Hang in there. This will be put right.

Arbiter walks away.

  • Chief:"wer r u going arbitur? wat u does nao?"

Scene 4:Condemned (Chaos Theosis server)Edit

Clyde is seen speaking to an unkown employer.Adam stands nearby.

  • Clyde:"Yeah, they just put out the announcement. TOSERS has been officially tossed.There should be anything to stand in our way now..."
  • Mrs. MacIntyre:"Adam, I said no video games until you do you're english homework."
  • Adam:"Clan meeting, mom! English can suck my dick!"
  • Mrs. MacIntyre:"Adam!"
  • Adam:"I can already speak english! And I'm never gonna right a book! I can barely read any, books are gay! We have TV now in case you haven't noticed!"

Duncan walks over.

  • Adam:"Yeah you walk away without saying anything 'cause you no I'm right!"
  • Duncan:"You're in the home stretch now,Adam.Your mom can't be too far from a stroke."
  • Adam:"Well, I wouldn't have to constantly set her straight if she wasn't such a stupid bitch!"

Kylie walks in.

  • Kylie:"Morning, boys. How'd you like that takedown?"
  • Duncan:"That was quite an ejoyable little romp wasn't it?"
  • Adam:"That was so boss!"
  • Duncan:"No more damn moderators."
  • Kylie:"Nothing in our way now."
  • Duncan:"What do ya mean?"

Clyde joins the group.

  • Clyde:"Well done, lady and gentlmen.I suppose you're ready for the next step.Mind you it'll hardly be a challange. The hard part's over."
  • Adam:"Witch wasn't even hard! Those moderator pussies went down faster then Duncan's mom."
  • Duncan:"What next step? We're done aren't we?"
  • Clyde:"TOSERS was just an obsticale."
  • Duncan:"In the way of what?"
  • Clyde:"Taking down the entire network."
  • Duncan:"I thought the point of this was stomping out the absurd idea of game police? Don't you guys like playing online? Why would we do that? "
  • Adam:"'Cause we're gettin' a bitchin' amount of change for it that's why!"
  • Duncan:"From who?"
  • Clyde:"Need to know. All you should know is that it'll be worth your while."
  • Duncan:"I love playin' online. It's my thing."
  • Clyde:"There are other games. Other networks."
  • Adam:"Yeah, don't be such a faggot, dude!"
  • Kylie:"Are you in or out?"
  • Duncan:"[beat] I'm in."

Scene 5Edit

A montage of Chaos Theosis banning players is seen mixed in with Arbiter and Chief preparing to track down the hackers.

Arbiter and Chief are seen putting up pictures of Chaos Theosis on the apartment door marked the"Shit List".

Credits roll. The end.

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