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Scene 1: Jon's Living RoomEdit

Arbiter is playing The Lion King for Sega Genesis.

  • [Timon]: It starts.

While Arbiter is playing The Lion King game, the sound effects caught Master Chief's attention and later shows up.

  • Master Chief: jesus fucking christ wat the fuck is this shit ur playing nao? / l00ks fucking retartid watever it is
  • Arbiter: Here we go. The day's mid-afternoon ruin, right on schedule.

Master Chief looks at The Lion King cartridge.

  • Master Chief: lien king? ur playing lien king??/!1one wat the fucks ur problim? / u just play this babby shit to bust my giant balls rite? im woried about u bro / u dosnt akshuy enjoyed this shit rite bro? SAE IT AINT SO BRO
  • Arbiter: I'm trying to. Who knows, you might actually enjoy it if you gave it a chance. You know, you ought to spend a lot less time on the web listening to other people's opinions and more time playing games -- besides Halo -- and formulating your own.
  • Master Chief: U GOTS 2 QUIT BEING SUCH A FUCKING HOMO HIPSTER / "HAY L00K @ ME EVERYBODY I PLAY GAEMS FROM THE 60S UVE NEVIR HERD OF IM SO FUCKING RETRO AND EDGIE"

Arbiter turns around to Chief.

  • Arbiter: Uh...
  • Master Chief: NEWS SPLASH ARBITUR, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK / u has no fucking freinds and anybodies who does knew u alredy thinks ur a fucking l00ser ne ways AND THE ONLY THING MOAR RETARTID THAN U IS SEGA FUCKING PLUTO
  • Arbiter: "Saturn". It isn't even a Saturn, it's a Genesis. Moron.
  • Master Chief: pluto, satan, who gives a shit, their all fucking planets asswipe
  • Arbiter: Actually --
  • Master Chief: shit liek this were maed back wen ppl were fucking stupid until halos caem out, develepers were all liek HERP DERP HAO DO I COMPUTER?
  • Arbiter: All creative work is derivative, simpleton. Halo wouldn't have been conceived if it weren't for the games of old paving the way for decades.

Chief points at Arbiter.

  • Master Chief: FUCK THAT SHIT halos is teh graetist fucking gaems in the god dam world / BELIEE DAT / EVRY OTHIR GAEMS EVIR sucks hard on throbing dong

Master Chief kneels his legs on the floor, then he looks up the ceiling.

  • Master Chief: PRAISE BUNGIE / PRAISE MS, OUR 1 TRUE GODS!1one+1shift!!!eleven1!one
  • Arbiter: Your blind devotion and uniformed opinions aside, this game is great. Solid platforming. Gets quite difficult, actually.

Chief then stands back up non-appearing.

  • Master Chief: nobody gives 2 shits about game plays you fucking mangoloid
  • Arbiter: Sounds delicious, I love mango.
  • Master Chief: its all about thoese mutha fuckin grafix baby, they gots 2 b tight / gots 2 tighten the fuck outta that shit / this dusnt even has ne fucking graffix bro

Chief points at the T.V. screen.

  • Master Chief: its a fucking cart00ns / cart00ns r 4 babbies / im not a babbys arbitur / r u? r u a babbys arbitur?
  • Arbiter: Jon watches cartoons.
  • Master Chief: YEAH AND JONS A FUCKING BABY, wats ur points dick ch33se? ill told u mien, this shit is not reilistic / a gud gaems gots 2 has reilistics arbitur / lots of thoese
  • Arbiter: Right, I forgot, quality increases proportionately with realism.
  • Master Chief: yes. so pls explaiened 2 me y ur playing this fucking garbage / WAT U H8 HALOS NAO OR SUMTHING?
  • Arbiter: Yes, Chief. I hate Halo. What a perfectly appropriate conclusion to jump to. So perfectly perfect in its perfection.
  • [The Lion King: Sega Genesis Simba]: Cool!
  • Master Chief: r u >:|?
  • Arbiter: Absolutely. It's obvious. I don't play Halo twenty-four hours a day like you do, therefore I must hate it. Just like people must hate oxygen for inhaling it only half of their lives between exhaling.

Master Chief does the thinking gesture by putting his hand on his chin.

  • Master Chief: not sure if srs.
  • Arbiter: Yes Chief, I'm being totally serious right now.
  • Master Chief: r u bean srs or not asshoel?!1one
  • Arbiter: Yeah man, a hundred percent. I hate Halo. Fuck Halo.

Chief walks away.

  • Arbiter: How long for a game great enough to piss every second of my life away playing a drooling square-eyed zombie sans nuisances like nutrition or sleep.

Master Chief then comes back with a frying pan.

  • Arbiter: How could I possibly like something that I pause to experience the abundance of other things our all-too-temporary lives have to offer?

Finally, Chief hits Arbiter with a frying pan.

Scene 2: Jon's BathroomEdit

After Master Chief hits Arbiter with a frying pan, he ties him up in the bathroom. Then Master Chief is holding a lighter.

  • Arbiter: Overreaction, thy name is Chief.
  • Master Chief: yes and gessed wat? evry ackshuns has a < or > reackshin that goas in tha saem mutha fuckin direcshin

Chief turns the lighter on.

  • Master Chief: NEWMANS LAWS OF PSYCHICS BITCH

Chief then turns lighter off.

  • Master Chief: CHECK EM

Chief again turns the lighter on.

  • Master Chief: U IS A BRASS FEMUR AND MUST BE BURNT @ THE STEAK
  • Arbiter: "Blasphemer" -- and yeah, regarding the steak, I think you may have misinterpreted --

Actual packed steaks shown while Arbiter was talking before Chief interupted.

  • Master Chief: ENUFF!1eleven IT IS TIEMES, THRU TH33SE EARTHY FLAEMES, 2 CAST U 2 THE GAMERS ETERNIL HELLFIER

Shows the Halo Reach case with six candles infront of it.

  • Master Chief: it is those tiems nao, k?
  • Arbiter: You're incomprehensibly retarded.

[Beat]

  • Master Chief: that m33ns im KNOT retartid rite? k just maeking sure

Arbiter starts struggling while being tied up.

  • Arbiter: Untie me, asshole!
  • Master Chief: sry arbitur, no fr33dums 4 u

Chief turns on lighter.

  • Master Chief: cant has them. U HAS SINNED

Master Chief then turns lighter off.

  • Master Chief: U R A TATER (Traitor) 2 BUNGIE / A HAIRY TICK (Heretic)

Chief again turns lighter back on.

  • Master Chief: U HAS TURNED UR BACKS ON THOES WHO CREMATED U

Master Chief again turns lighter off.

  • Arbiter: Only you and your astounding absence of linguistic powers could churn out that grammatic and logistical abomination you just uttured.
  • Master Chief: WURDS WURDS WORDS IM ARBITUR WURDS WURDS WURDS I KNOW WURDS LISSIN 2 THE WURDS I KNOW WURDS WURDS WURDS WURDS
  • Arbiter: Move over Frank Caliendo, the Chief is on fire today.
  • Master Chief: NO ARBITUR / no. U!!one1 LOLOLOLOLOL

Chief walks about two feet to Arbiter.

  • Arbiter: Congratulations. That was almost your first ever coherent usage of your infamous comback.
  • Master Chief: ALMOEST?

Greg shows up behind Master Chief.

  • Greg: >:(

Greg wraps webs around Chief and tying him to the ceiling.

  • Arbiter: I'll say it before and I'll say it again -- you spend far too much time on the web.
  • Master Chief: IMA SLIT UR THROATS U FUCKING CUNTS
  • Greg: XD
  • Master Chief: I M33NED IT, UR FUCKING DIED / BOTH OF U, UR DIED / WATS IT LIEK 2 B DIED HUH FUCKERS? PLS TOLD ME IM DYING 2 KNEW!11
  • Arbiter: Fair enough but I have one request -- I'd like a "creation", not a burial.
  • Master Chief: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

End credits.

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