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This is the transcript for Season 2 Bytes episode, The Great Evil.

Scene 1: Jon's Apartment (wall/shrine)Edit

A number of post-it notes are seen taped to the wall in the hall of Jon's "apartment". Many of which read "GOD HATES CASUALS", "CASUALS = SINNERS", "POWER ARMOR IS FOR WINNERS", and "GAME IN HELL CASUALS", among others. Pictures of the "MicrosoftHalo, and 343 Industries" logos can also be seen, in which 'Master Chief' is praising.


  • Master Chief: OH MERSIFUL AND MAGNIFISENT GODS OF GAMING / H33R MAI WERDS / H33R EVERY SINGEL ALL OF THEM, K? R U LISSENING? U BETTER B LISSENING LOL K? I KNEW WAT MY TRUE PORPOISE IS ON THIS EARTH / I AM UR SON / I AM UR MESSANGER 


Chief falls to his knees on a homemade shrine.


  • Master Chief: I AM UR VESSEL / I AM THE KEMO DESTINED TO CLEANSE THE GAMING INDUSTR33S OF THE CANSEROUS CASUALS / THE GRAET EVIL / TAEK ME / USE ME 2 SPREAD THE 1 TRU WERDS OF THE GODS / MY BODY IS READY


Master Chief falls backwards and acting out of control, pretending to be possessed by the "gaming lords".


  • Master Chief: askugjhvihenrgijsbnerfgsehirvhiasodhjagiwheighaiwehgw / OH GRAET GAMING LORDS, TAEK ME / TAEK ME, TAEK ME NAO / YES / I CAN F33L3D IT / :D {Happy face}. I CAN F33L3D U INSIDE OF ME / YES / jaosdgioawhigaiwefojwdefojwoegowjqeogjow


As Chief continues this shenanigans, Arbiter arrives, wondering what Chief is doing.


  • Arbiter: What the fuck are you doing? I told you to lay off the sugar.


Chief immediately breaks his focus on his current activity to get up.


  • Master Chief: ur mother wont stop puting it out 4 me / LOL!1


Arbiter looks at the inscribed notes Chief did on the wall.


  • Arbiter: What is all this crap?
  • Master Chief: u shud b less wurried about wat im doing and moar about wat u r, sinner
  • Arbiter: Ugh, not today Chief, I'm really not in the mood --
  • Master Chief: ive got a chawklit wiskey marshmalow cloud saeved foar me w/ halo 4 and hot ass bitches rubbing they're tits all over my face in gamers heaven


After Arbiter walks away while Chief rants about his proposed future in "gamer heaven", Arbiter grabs a copy of Bomberman 64.


  • Master Chief: WAT DOES U GOTS, U FILTHY CASUAL? a tiny ass colored and white tv with oak arena of time in a tight, semen caked bathr00m stall covered in glory holes d33p in the bowels of gamer hell / FOR EVER / GG LOL
  • Arbiter: Why am I allowed to play Ocarina of Time if I'm meant to be being punished?
  • Master Chief: because its the worst game ever, retart and u w00dnt enjoyed it cuz ud be burning alieve at, liek, the exact saem tiems
  • Arbiter: Presumably I'm already dead if I'm in gamers' hell -- what the fuck do you mean, "burned alive"? Moron.
  • Master Chief: no u / u off 2 play a litel nintendo 64, sinner? moar liek nintendo 6 BORE, mirite? lollololololololololoolo / well just remembired that if u played nintendo 6 bore then that m33ns u h8 the gods / 2 TURNED 2 THE GODS U MUST 1ST TURNED UR BACK ON UR SINS / let me gess, zelda agen?
  • Arbiter: Bomberman 64. It's amazing.
  • Master Chief: jesus christ, srsly? butt thats, like, the worst gaem ever
  • Arbiter: Every game that isn't Halo can't be the worst game ever, Chief. Do you think you'll ever attempt to back up your outrageous claims and realize how horribly wrong you are about absolutely everything?
  • Master Chief: I DUSNT N33D3D 2 BACKED UP MAI CLAIMS DICK LICKER, MY WERDS R THE WERDS OF THE GODS, SO THEIR, K? k.
  • Arbiter: Convenient.
  • Master Chief: AND THE WERDS OF THE GODS IS THAT THEY ALOEN SHALL B WORSHIPED, AND PPLS  SHALL NOT WORSHIPED FALSE PROPHITS AND WAT DOES THEY EVEN HAS 2 OFFER? L00K @ THE ALMIGHTY LORD GABEN / HE HAS WITHHELD HAT LIFE 3 FRUM HIS FANS AND FORSAKEN THEM / ON THE OTHER HANDS, MAI GODS IS GIVING ME HALO 4, 5 AND SICKS / MAI GOD IS AN OSSIM GOD / OSSIM POSSIM
  • Arbiter: Valve will put out their next installment when they're good and ready.
  • Master Chief: UR MOM PUTS OUT WHEN SHES G00D AND READY -- ALL THE TIEMS, BABY ;) {Winky face}. LOLOLOLOLOLLOOOLOL
  • Arbiter: If their word is infallible, you'd think the gods would've sought a mediator without the worst grasp on spelling and grammar in recorded history.
  • Master Chief: I REFUSED 2 JUST ST00D H33R AND WATCHED U THREW AWAY THE GLORIOUS AFTERLIFE THAT GAMERS HEAVEN HAS IN STORES FOAR U / FOR GRAET JUSTIS


Chief tackles Arbiter.


  • Arbiter: Aah!


Chief then hastily grabs Arbiter by the ankles and drags him.


  • Master Chief: OH MERSIFUL AND MAGNIFISENT GODS OF GAMING, GRANT ME UR STRENGTHS
  • Arbiter: Let me go! What the hell are you doing?!
  • Master Chief: ALL OF THEM K?


Master Chief then pulls Arbiter and puts him to a bowl of water, attempting to baptize him in it.


  • Arbiter: Aah!
  • Master Chief: HALP ME CLEANSED THIS P00R SOUL OF THE EVIL THAT WAS BOUND HIS SPIRIT TO A GRIZZLY FATE
  • Arbiter: Chief! Stop! Chief! I can't breathe --!
  • Master Chief: CASUAL DEMONS BEGONE
  • Arbiter: Please stop, I can't breathe --!
  • Master Chief: GODDAMN THESE DEMONS RLY M33n3d SRS BSNS / FUCK YOU DEMONS
  • Arbiter: Help!
  • Master Chief: GTFO OF MY FREIND
  • Arbiter: Somebody help!
  • Master Chief: LET THEM GO ARBITUR
  • Arbiter: Chief, I mean it, stop this --!
  • Master Chief: U GOTS 2 LET THEM GO K? ITS ALL GONA B K ARBITUR
  • Arbiter: Aah!
  • Master Chief: ITS ALL GONA B K


End credits.

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