|← "Night of the Evading Dead"||"The Mail Room"||"The Mail Room II" →|
Scene 1: IntroductionEdit
["the mail room (8-Bit)" plays in the background]
Arbiter: Hello, everyone! Welcome to a new segment of the show... "The Mail Room". Here we'll answer a few questions out of the hundreds that you've sent to us. As you can see, Chief has cleverly altered the sign behind me to read "The Fail Room".
Scene 2: Fan MailEdit
Arbiter: Our first question is from Hoiman. "Arbiter, why don't you put back on your helmet? You look gay"
Arbiter: Thanks for your email, Hoiman. Truth is I lost it. I guess i'm gonna look gay forever.
Chief: U ALWAYS LOOKED GAY ANYWAY
Arbiter: Let's go easy on the word this time, Chief. We don't want to offend.
Chief: ok / BUT JUS THIS OEN TIEM THO
Arbiter: Our next email is from Mark. "Hey guys. I pose this question to Chief specifically. I'm struggling to find a girlfriend and I was wondering if you have any good advice on how to pull some hot chicks?"
Chief: SO ITS SUM TAIL UR AFTAR IS IT / uve cum 2 the rite plaec.
Arbiter: Stop the video, Mark! Get out while you can.
Chief: YOU COULD BE POUNDING PU$$Y IN NO TIME MARK / all u have 2 do is folow thees simpel steps. STEP OEN / SCOEP OUT TEH BITCHEZ ADN SELECT UR PREY / STEP T00 / GET HER PHOAN # bai posign as a fund raisar 4 sum bulshit involign teh helth adn saefty cuet newbr0n aminals or sumthign / SHE MITE THINK UR FULL OF SHIT BUT IT WONT MATTAR / SHELL THINK UR FUNNEH FOR TRYIGN ADN BITCHEZ DIG FUNNEH / STEP THR33 / "ACKSIDENTILLY" sedn her a txt msg ment 4 sumoen els / sumthing taht suttley reveals how kwl u r / tyep it as if u wer in teh midel of a conv0 / sumthing liek / I KNO / N E WAE ILL MET U AT TEH HOEMLISS SHELTIR AFTAR I HIT TEH GYM / wh3n sh3 r3sp0ndz k33p r3plyign adn k33p b3ing funn3h / establishh a platoonic relashinshits.
Arbiter: "Platonic." ... unless Charlie Sheen's involved, maybe.
Chief: STEP FOAR / FACEBOOK THAT BITCH / go thru her page adn fidn otu evryethign abot her / check her relashinshit statiss / make sure shes shingles / STEP FIEV / THIS IS TEH MOST IMPROTANT STEP OF ALL MARK SO UD BETTAR BE FUCKIGN LISTENING SON / ASK HER OUT ALAMOST IMMMEDIETELEE / OTHARWIES SHELL FRIENDZONE U / CONGRATULASHINS / U HAVE A GIRLFRIEND / HAPPY HUMPING MARK / NEXT QUEST CHIN
Arbiter: On a serious note, the best thing you can do is be yourself, Mark. Good luck and thanks for watching the show! This one is from WraithAscendant. "Who would you both consider to be an idol to you?" George Carlin.
Chief: JAMES CAMERON
Arbiter: Here we go.
Chief: AVATAR IS TEH GRAETIST MOVEH OF AL TIEM / DONT BELEEV MEH?? GO LOOK ^ HWO MUCH IT MAED
Arbiter: What did you think of Aliens? Terminator 2? The Abyss?
Chief: WHO MAED THOES?
Arbiter: That's exactly what I thought. And this one is from Nathan. "I've been wondering, who's stronger between the two of you?"
Chief: me / next
Arbiter: It's me.
Chief: WAT? ME? yeah
Arbiter: This one's from Tyler. "Hey Arby and Chief! If you could take a TV, a console and one game to a deserted island with you, what game would it be? Remember, no multiplayer." Good question, Tyler.
Arbiter: He said no multiplayer.
Chief: id just do fierfite w/ sum ppl then
Arbiter: No internet!
Chief: THEN WED JUST DO FORGE / fuck / your retarted.
Arbiter: I'd take Symphony of the Night probably.
Chief: HIPSTER ALERT
Arbiter: SOTN isn't hipster, you tool. Shut up. Our next email is from Andrew. "To Chief. How would you react if a person told you that The Conduit for Wii is a thousand times better than Halo: Reach?"
Chief: id LOL because it isnt / NECKST
Arbiter: This one's from Oskar. "My question goes to the Arbiter. If you had to spend a night in an elevator with someone, who would you pick and why?"
Chief: arbiturs mom bcuz dat ass is so fine
Arbiter: He said it was for me. If I pick a guy over a girl here does that make me gay for real?
Arbiter: I don't care. I'd wanna pick his brain for a while. Lastly, this email is from Owen. "What is your personal favourite episode? I like the wedding one." Same here, Owen. But I think i'm most proud of Digital Fruitcakes.
Chief: I LIEKED THE OEN WHERE I SPANKED CORTANAS ASS / THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME
Arbiter: That's all for now, guys! Thanks for watching the show, and if you have a question you'd like to ask us, you can email us at email@example.com for a chance to have it answered here on the Mail Room.
[firstname.lastname@example.org text appears on screen]
Chief: U SAID IT WAS CHIEF AND ARBITUR U RIMJOB
Arbiter: See you later!