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TranscriptEdit

 Arbiter climbs onto tho kitchen counter and and pulls an empty bowl over,he starts shaking cereal into it.

  • Chief: "Arbitur"

Arbiter drops the cereal bag.

  • Arbiter: "Chief? Is that you?"
  • Chief: "HELP meh! B00 H00 / B00 H00 B00 H00 :'( [crying face] / arbitur help meh pleez / u gots 2 K?"

Arbiter walks along the counter.

  • Chief: "As Sub Zorro shurly sed GET TEH FUCK OVAR HEER."
  • Arbiter: "And as Mortal Kombat fans around the world would respond, please deprive this cretin of oxygen. Were are you?"
  • Chief: "In teh mikro waev u retart IM locked in."

Chief is seen sitting in the micro wave.

  • Chief: " been in heer foar liek teh last fifteen butt fucking hours / shit sux bro"
  • Arbiter:"Yes clearly I'm the retard in this scenario. I was wondering how I got my first decent sleep in six years."
  • Chief:"ur gonna hav ur last deesent sleeps if u dont open teh goddamn d00r rite nao"
  • Arbiter:"It's not in your best interest to tempt me, Chief. I'll consider opening the door right after you  tell me what the hell you're doing in there."
  • Chief:"igwashuylawgbjagujuwa! son of a bitch / fine i wuz trying 2 gave maiselfs teh cancers k"
  • Arbiter:"Jesus Christ.
  • Chief:"ya I punched teh numberz pressed start and stepped insyde, butt i gess u cant start teh tiemer with teh d00r open."
  • Arbiter:"Apparently."
  • Chief:"And i cant turn this fucking thing on frum teh insides / who teh hell wood maek a microwave liek that wut a stupid design choice / Im dedly srs when i say this is a major safety tissue / I meen srsly major >:I [serious face] whevar designed this microwave is a fucking mongoloid"
  • Arbiter:"Well you know what they say,people in glass microwaves shouldn't throw stones."
  • Chief:"WTh u m33n glass micro wave?? Its obliviously maed out of... other stuff"
  • Arbiter:"Yes obliviously, so very oblivious. Never mind I was using your situation to make a gag out of an expression."
  • Chief:"I maed ur mother gag last night lololllolololol / but srsly if got stuck in heer who knows how many ppls will does teh saem thing"
  • Arbiter:"That's asuming that everyone else is as stupid as you are, witch is incorrect. Your own common sense should have told you not to climb into a fucking microwave!"
  • Chief:"wuts that well if i dont haz it then it cant be that common nao can it / dipshit."
  • Arbiter:"Anyway I doubt there are many seven inch people buying forty pound microwaves."

Chief starts banging on the glass.

  • Chief:"OPEN TEH FUCKING DOOR CUM BUCKET
  • Arbiter:"Why would you do such a thing, Chief?I'm shocked... this is too retarded even for you. Why on earth would you attempt something so dangerous and stupid? Cancer is a horrible burden that shouldn't be wished upon anybody, yourself included. Not to mention you're inorganic I highly doubt you could develop it anyway,you might have known that if you had spent more one second  thinking this plan of yours through.

Arbiter looks and sees that 1337 is entered into the microwave timer.

  • Arbiter:"Why do you have the need to punch one three three seven into every conceivable number input device? That shit stopped being amusing like a decade ago."
  • Chief:"no u / RITE NAO I FEEL TEH NEED TO PUNCH MAI FISTS INTO UR STUPID UGLY FUCKING FACE / and itll hurt so bad youll feel it foar a dekades frum nao / deels a d33l, nao open sesame street man "
  • Arbiter:"Why were you trying to give yourself cancer? And for the love of all that's holy  don't fucking tell me it was an attempt to generate sympathy from the likes of 343 industries and Microsoft in hopes of snagging an early copy of Halo 4."
  • Chief:"[beat] K arbitur i wuzn't cuz of that"
  • Arbiter:"Fucking hell, Chief. Well kdone. Just when I think you've hit rock bottom you dig yourself into an all new low."
  • Chief:"i hit ur moms bottom last nite.I CANT WAIT FOAR HALO 4 ARBITUR. I WON'T. I REFUSED TO. ITS AS SIMPLY AS THAT. CUZ I WANTED IT AND I HAZ TO HAV WUT WANTED WHENEVAR THE FUCK I WANTED IT AND I'LL DO WUTEVAR TEH HELL I HAZ TO DO TO GETS WUT I WANTED. understand?"
  • Arbiter:"Somehow, yes."
  • Chief:"nothing will stood in mai ways /nothing / no things"
  • Arbiter:"Not even your own life it seems."
  • Chief:"hell no bitch / i aint no pussy / Hazn't U seen how fucking tight the graffix R? It r worth it"
  • Arbiter:"What good is an early copy of Halo 4 to you if you're just a bubbling mass of molten plastic?As long as you're moronic enough to pull stunts like this you're not operating any kitchen appliances without my supervision,understood. You can't be trusted, you could have started a fire or something and endangered the lives of everyone in the building."
  • Chief:"Wut teh hell u think this is arbitur, a movie? shit liek that doesn't happen in reel lyph dumass /  beesides wuts acshuly worse honestly... accidentally killing innocent ppls or not plehing halo 4 early? and if u pick teh first one i feel so painfully fgucking sorry foar u / until ur willing to do anything to play halos u will nevar be a tru fan liek meh"

g

  • Arbiter:"Don't you find any thrill in waiting for things?In some cases it can be even better than the things themselves.I think it makes the obtaining of them so much sweeter when it happens."
  • Chief:"Thats teh gayest shit I've evar herd in mai lief"
  • Arbiter:"I think you realy need to work on your patience. I also think leaving you in here for a while longer is a fantastic way to encourage that as well as for you to think on your own recklessness."

Arbiter walks away as Chief presses himself against the glass and frantically yells.

  • Chief:"Arbitur no! dun't u fucking dare / don't u daer leev meh in heer,"
  • Arbiter:"Peace."
  • Chief:"i'll kill u / cum back / goddamit cum back rite nao / igdowjugabtugadg! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!FUCK"

credits roll.

  • Chief:"omg / omfg that's it / ur died / ur fucking died / ur fucking done son / imma slit ur throte fuck the hole and sk33t sk33t when i get out of h33r u herd me? / arbitur."

the end.






more coming soon...

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