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Viewer Discretion Warning is shown. Opening credits roll.


[The scene starts with Sonic playing Sonic on a snowboarding level. Chief walks up behind Sonic and begins talking to him.]

  • Chief: hay sawnix
  • Sonic: Yeah?
  • Chief: lett mi plai xb0x naw!!1
  • Sonic: You wanna play with me? Alright, yeah! Okay!
  • Chief: n0 nawt sawnix da fawkin hedge chawg
  • Sonic: Why?
  • Chief: i tink mareo wantd 2 seez u
  • Sonic: W-What?
  • Chief: yez a whyul ag0 / hee wuz ull lik i wunt 2 c sawnix rought nawh / ore elz im guna sat hem un fier nd blo a loaad in hiz hare
  • Sonic: Oh man! I'm screwed! I gotta find Mario!
  • Chief: yua u prolly shwed / hee luked supr pessd awff befoar / nawh hez prolly guna slet ur throt
  • Sonic: Oh-Oh God! (Incoherent babbling)


[Sonic proceeds to walk out of the room to find Mario. Chief follows him a closes the door behind Sonic.]

  • Chief: LOL ree tard


[The scene changes to Mario and Luigi talking to each other on the couch.]

  • Mario: Where are they?
  • Luigi: T-Toad said that they would be here. Maybe they were delayed?
  • Mario: No shit, Luigi! Haha! And you consider yourself to be the brains of this relationship!
  • Luigi: Don't forget; I saved you in Luig-
  • Mario: Luigi's Mansion! Yes, fuck Luigi, again with Luigi's Mansion! That's the only leg you've had stand on! I've been getting you out of jams for decades and you save me once? And suddenly you're hot shit? Give it a fucking rest, Luigi, please!


[Arbiter and Toad approach Mario and Luigi from the floor.]

  • Mario: Finally. You're late.
  • Toad: (Snickers) Sorry.
  • Arbiter: Ha, ha.
  • Mario: So, my Covenant friend, have you reached a decision?
  • Arbiter: ...Yeah. ...I accept your offer.
  • Mario: Very good...
  • Sonic: E-Everything's gonna be fine. Mario! I-I just found out you wanted to see me. I'm so sorry! Please! Oh God, Marioooo!
  • Mario: Why would I want to see you?
  • Sonic: Han-Han Solo said you wanted to see me about something? P-Please Mario, don't hurt me!
  • Mario: What a coincidence! We were just talking about... Mr. Solo. Weren't we? I think it's time we paid him a visit. Don't you?
  • Luigi: Mama Mia...
  • Toad: Cut that shit out, Luigi.


[The next scene changes with the Halo 3 theme music playing in the background as Chief sits on the couch with a controller and a headset.]

  • Chief: ah i finelee geat 2 plai hal0 tree


[The camera shows the matchmaking screen. The map about to be played is Lone Wolves.]

  • Chief: hai dis maap sux / veetoe vetoe fagz
  • Online Player: No. Fuck off.
  • Chief: g0d damit i hayt dis fuxin gam3


[The door is suddenly slammed opened by Mario, accompanied by Arbiter, Toad, Luigi and Sonic.]

  • Chief: hoo da he11 r u?!?
  • Mario: My name is Mario. Surely you must have heard of me, Master Chief?
  • Chief: no sarri


[Mario looks up and sees Chief playing Halo 3.]

  • Mario: Halo? You're playing Halo!?
  • Chief: watz ur prabolem fagg0t gow awai all rdy
  • Mario: I'm not going anywhere. YOU are.
  • Chief: no (Turns his back to Mario and proceeds to walk away)


[Chief is then seen falling over and being dragged by Mario.]

  • Chief: halp / rap3


[The camera changes to Chief sitting against the outside of the Brofessional GAMER's door.]

  • Chief: :(

End credits roll.

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