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TranscriptEdit

Chief is seen standing alone in the hallway.

  • Chief:" wat ^[up] bitchez / well cum to hyparmails / arbiter and i joaks around a lot on teh sho / butt wut im abot 2 tells u is so super srs / >:I [serious face]  k? u gots to be >:I rite nao, k?"

Piano music starts playing.

  • Chief:"i hav allwaes suffered / i live w/ a compleetly diluted shithed / i haz no b00ze or barbiez / mai tummeh is allways hungreh / and i has no moni3z 4 teh brand new halo coeming out s00n / combat revolved / butt u gaiz can help / u gaiz can help u gaiz / foar teh low low price of just 1 hundred dollars a month u can provieds meh w/ booze , barbies, pizza and halos and maek meh very very :D  [happy face] / just send ur credit card infos to teh adress @ teh bottom of mai screens / as a p / if ur a fan of teh sho u gots 2 send meh monnies its only faer / and dont just does it 4 meh does it foar urself cuz if u dont ur a faget / dont maek meh kick ur ass"
  • Arbiter:"There you are."

Arbiter comes around the corner.

  • Arbiter:"Sweet you've set everything up. What were you doing?"
  • Chief:"nothing"
  • Arbiter:"You'd better not be trying to bleed cash from people again."
  • Chief:"nope / :3 [ lion face]"

Arbiter hands Chief some papers.

  • Chief:"y does we even has these? this is dum everyone can c thers nothing on them"
  • Arbiter:"Everyone knows you don't have a brain , so why do we have you? It's just a little visual thing chill out."
  • Chief:"no"
  • Arbiter:"Fine don't chill out. Stay agitated over nothing."
  • Chief:" I WILL"
  • Arbiter:"Wow, really put me in my place there."
  • Chief:"pwn3d"

Opening credits roll.

Arbiter and Chief are seen on Jon's bed.

  • Arbiter:"Welcome back to Hypermail, guys! We hope you enjoyed the last story episode. Ended with quite a bang, didn't it Chief?"
  • Chief:"r we talkign abot teh show or last nite w/ ur mom? lol"
  • Arbiter:"Never gets old. How are we going to get ourselves out of this one? Stay tuned!"
  • Chief:"dued barely n e body watches this fucking sho"
  • Arbiter:"You mean the main story?"
  • Chief:"no hypermaels"
  • Arbiter:"People do watch it. It doesn't have nearly as many hits though. Wonder why that is. Do you think we're boring?"
  • Chief:"i think ur boreing"
  • Arbiter:"Well, I'm greatfull for the audience we have. Let's not waste any more time and get to our Hypermail. " I actually just shit myself while trying to think of something to say. Sincerely Robert." That's unfortunate, Robert."

Chief flexes at the screen.

  • Chief:"its becuz of teh gun show rite rob3rt? o ya bb / fuck u up son"
  • Arbiter:"I hope you get yourself cleaned up and you'll oneday be able to send us your thoughts without any impeding bowel movements."
  • Chief:"this mails is frum jed / " Someone please throw something at Jon and tell him to quit complaining about his job. Even if it's using toys he's still an awesome director and he entertains thousands. Also what's your favourite halo?"

Chief grabs a spoon from a nearby cereal bowl.

  • Chief:"heds up loser"

Chief throws the spoon and it hits Jon. Jon picks up the spoon.

  • Jon:"Aaagh! Fuck!"
  • Chief:"hahhahaha"
  • Arbiter:"What the hell?!"
  • Chief:"jeds ideh / just doing wut jed sed / and jed teh best halo is halo 6 / ther"
  • Arbiter:"One: He asked witch was your favourite not witch was the best. Two: Halo 4 is still a few months away, nevermind the sixth one, dumbass."
  • Chief:"butt newset halo is best halo / get it? teh graffix get tighter every tiem / halo 6 will haz teh best graffix evar"
  • Arbiter:"Sigh. This one's from "Past Arbiter". Interesting..."Dear Arbiter. Why are you so touchy about being homophobic now? You used to say "faggot" and use "gay" in an insulting way all the time. What happened?" I don't really remember doing that, sounds more like something Chief would do. But maybe I'm forgeting. The problem with the word "faggot" is that is both aesthecticly impactful and attractive to use. Even when not meant in deurogation towards homosexuality, and it never is our show, the word can still envoke many bad feelings as oppression in the community has been such a terrible issue. And still is."
  • Chief:"wut teh fuck r u talking abot?"
  • Arbiter:""Faggot". It's used as deurogotory slang to refer to homosexuals."
  • Chief:"rofl is taht srsly wat it m33ns?"
  • Arbiter:"Chief is very liberal with the word. Maybe too much so. But since everyone knows Chief is as thick as a plank when comes from him people probably don't pay too much attention."
  • Chief:"wer talking abot mai dick rite?"
  • Arbiter:"I play the voice of reason so if I sart saying it all the time people might get the wrong idea."
  • Chief:"hay i wanna be teh voice of raisins 2 / :( [ sad face]"
  • Arbiter:"We believe that sexual orientation is not a choice and it doesn't make sense to met to condemn others for or be ashamed of something that's beyond control."
  • Chief:"kinda liek hao ur such a fagit LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"
  • Arbiter:"Thanks for your e- mail, Past Arbiter. By the way, beat the shit out of past Chief, would you? Well that all the time we have this week. Remember if you hypermail you'd like to send in, send them to arbiterandchief@ gmail.com."
  • Chief:"btw[ by the way] gaiz remembir /  u no / K? remember"
  • Arbiter:"Remember what?"
  • Chief:"nothing"
  • Arbiter:"I knew it! Chief you can't extort our viewers! Maybe that has something to do with the lesser hits."
  • Chief:"ill hit u"
  • Arbiter:"Go for it. Right here."

Chief does nothing. Arbiter looks away.

  • Arbiter:"That's what I thought."

Chief punches Arbiter and runs away.

  • Arbiter:"Agh!"
  • Chief:"lmao / lollolololololollololol"
  • Arbiter:"You're fucking dead!"

Arbiter chases Chief.

Credits Roll.The end.

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