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Scene 1: Kitchen Edit

[Arbiter and Master Chief are seen in the Kitchen, conversing about what happened in the previous episode. Arbiter is seen holding a beer.]

ARBITER: He was joking, I guarantee it.

CHIEF: no he fucking wasnt, goddammit  /  stick ur guarant33s ^ ur a$$  /  he made it crystal fucking clean, ok?  /  guys a pediatrician  /  no doubts abouts it

CORTANA: Not sure what alarms me more at the moment -- your choice of words, or the fact that Arbiter seems to have befriended this animal as well.

ARBITER: It's 'pediatrician' now, is it? Your grammar's packing prisons with an awful lot of innocent people.

CORTANA: Considering how hopelessly unreliable you are, I can't say his skepticism isn't warranted.

[Chief is seen lighting up a cigarette.]

CORTANA: Disgusting habit.

CHIEF: stfu

ARBITER: Took you a while to churn out that gem of a retort. Understandable, it takes care to craft such. And we smoke by the window. We've gone over this.

CHIEF: hows about u gave my dick a g00d going over?  /  hm?

CORTANA: Arbiter's on them now, too? Good lord.

[Chief looks over at Cortana. Arbiter looks too but sees nothing.]

ARBITER: What the fuck do you keep looking at?

CHIEF: nothing

ARBITER: The smoke alarm's on the wall behind me. Setting it off will attract unwanted attention. You want the landlord coming in to find us on the floor with beer, cigarettes and that fucking doll of yours? He'll think Jon was holding some kind of fucked up tea party for himself and have him wheeled from the building in a cage like Cletus Kasady.

CHIEF: g00d, he fucking should b  /  qu33rhawk has a play station 3 and a wii, foar fucks sakes  /  that right they're should told u sumthing  /  not 2 mentioned hes a sonic fan  /  u knew wat sonic fans r?  /  autists and furries

ARBITER: You don't have the slightest clue as to what autism is. Don't use terms you don't understand.

CHIEF: ILL USED WATEVER TERMS I GODDAMN PLS  /  all the terms  /  u wanna know wat i thot?  [lights up another cigarette]  u gots 2 lighten up  /  >:(  /  come on u piece of shit

ARBITER: What the fuck did I just tell you?

[Arbiter gets up and smacks the cigarette out of Chief's hand. The Cigarette goes sliding under Jon's Oven.]

CHIEF: right as u did that, u told me 2 stick my fucking f00t ^ ur a$$  /  i read betw33n the lines

ARBITER: Before or after you snorted them?

CHIEF: r u on tour?  /  can i has tix 4 ur next stand up gigs, plix?  /  bog rolls almost out

ARBITER: Look, this business with Colin -- Just drop it. Alright?

CHIEF: MAYBE I SHOULD DROPPED U  /  ud agr33d w/ me if u was their, dude  /  the kid was fucking 9  /  said it himself  /  and colins all like, "ur a beautiful persons", "we has a special connections" and cr33py shits like that  /  he even told the kid 2 m33t him on his own secured chat servers

ARBITER: You're serious?

CHIEF: im 4 super cereal  /  believed it, a$$ butt

[Arbiter goes to sit back down in shock at Chief's revelation.]

ARBITER: That's weird.

CHIEF: yeah, no fucking shit, dick splash

ARBITER: I'll talk to Eugene about it.

CHIEF: how about we both talked 2 eugene about it and u quit singling me out of shit like ur my fucking fathers or sumthing  /  i pount ur mothers gash on a regular bases -- im ur fucking fathers, remember?  /  LOL, remember arbitur?

CORTANA: Stay classy, Chief.

Scene 2: Breakneck Edit

[Shots of the lake and the burning buildings on the map, Breakneck is seen as Kyle's avatar is seen approaching Brody's on the highway]

BRODY: Why the fuck could you have just phoned me? You can do more with your phone than just set it to vibrate, stick it up your ass and call it.

KYLE: I actually can't remember the last time I paid my bill. My provider finally cut me off.

[A player is seen driving a Warthog up to Kyle and Brody]

XBOX-LIVE PLAYER: Hey pal, remember me? I'm the poor fuck you mistakingly sold this piece of shit to the other day! You told me it was the latest model, which isn't what I've been hearing from the other drivers.

BRODY: [To Xbox-Live Player] I'm not here to Roleplay, shop's closed. Sorry. [To Kyle] You know what's starting to gain popularity? They're calling it Electronic Mail.

KYLE: My PC's fucked. Can't even get into BIOS.

BRODY: Whatever, let's keep this brief. Eugene and Tyler could be joining any second.

KYLE: Not if they're watching our houses, which they have been.

BRODY: Get on with it! What do you want that's so important?

KYLE: We need to send Tyler's files to the administration dude. The sooner we do it, the better. We're the only ones that can put a stop to what him and Eugene are doing. We can't live in fear of pieces of shit like them.

EUGENE: You don't have a fucking choice.

[Kyle and Brody turn to see Eugene, staring across from them]

XBOX-LIVE PLAYER: Hey! I'm not leaving until I have the hottest model!

[Tyler is seen approaching the player and fires a rocket at him, destroying the Warthog and fragbanning the player]

TYLER: I'll mail him his receipt!

BRODY: Goddamn it! I told you this was a bad fucking idea!

MODERATOR: I'm afraid you fellas are gonna have to accompany me to the station. You better have a license for each of those weapons or you're looking at 2 minutes of detention minimum. Can't do the time, don't do the crime.

[Colin is seen sneaking up on the moderator and fragbans him as well, with a melee kill. Elsewhere, Arbiter and Chief was seen approaching the trio as the trio are unknown to their presence]

ARBITER: Just let me do the talking, okay? We're making a very serious accusation. We're on ground that we need to tread lightly -- and we both know you aren't very light on your feet, so to speak.

CHIEF: put ur t33th on the curb and ill showed u how heavy my fucking f00ts r

[Arbiter and Chief stop just as they see Eugene confronting Kyle and Brody and they observe what is going on]

EUGENE: I'm gonna cut to the chase. You [bleep]s have something that belongs to us. [menacingly approaches Brody's avatar] You're gonna dispose of it along with any copies and never breath a word of whatever you know about it to a soul, or I'll use every resource at my clan's disposal to ruin your lives. You understand?

KYLE: You're full of shit Eugene! What are you going to have your army of basement-dweller's do, huh? Dislike our Facebook status updates?

EUGENE: [chuckles] Did you know that Brody's gay? Does it make you wonder why he's made you his best friend? What's it like having a friend who wants to fill your ass with cum? Must be kind of weird.

KYLE: What the hell are you talking about?

EUGENE: I'll let you two kick that around. Who knows, you might make eye-contact again one day. In the meantime, you wanna know what my clan's capable of? You got it. Fucking brace yourself.

[Eugene fires his pistol at Kyle, killing and fragbans him. Brody looks at Kyle's body and looks back up at Eugene]

BRODY: Why did you tell him that?

EUGENE: You stole from us. I had to spank you. Just gotta spank your dad now and I'll have done your whole family.

CHIEF: ROFL

ARBITER: Shut up!

TYLER: You pull some shit like that again, you'll find yourself on the end of a fucking knife!

BRODY: [voice gradually breaking in tears] I wanted to get back at you for everything that you've done to me! Everything you've done to everybody! You've-you've got the entire school frightened of you! I'm provoked, all of it! Not only that but you and your asshole friends have probably cost hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage in bricking consoles across the past month and a half. That figure could be even over a million! You're a monster!

EUGENE: [chuckles] Christ, like I'm a bad guy in a fucking movie or something. I love it! You're right, I am a monster! and if we encounter any problems involving these files, we'll know the information leak came from you. And I won't stop once my clan's made your life a living hell. I'll sic Tyler on you, who's already spraying his pants at the thought of ripping you apart. Stay out of our way unless you want your parents to find your fucking head in a plastic bag!

[Eugene fires his pistol on Brody, killing and fragbans him.]

EUGENE: Fucking Cunts!

[Eugene turns and sees Arbiter and Chief staring at him in shock]

EUGENE: Hey. You two want to hop on matchmaking? Fuck up a few big team battle games?

ARBITER: What the hell was that? You ground that kid's spirits into dust. Pushed him onto the verge of a nervous breakdown, by the sound of him.

[Eugene intimidatingly approaches Arbiter until they're face-to-face]

EUGENE: Sounds like we've got a problem.

ARBITER: I thought we were in this for the laughs. I just think that was beyond excessive.

EUGENE: And I think you should mind your own fucking business. [To Master Chief] You got anything to say?

CHIEF: titty sprinkles?  /  LOL

[Eugene glances back at Arbiter and walks away. Arbiter and Chief turn and watch Eugene walk away]

Scene 3: Kitchen Edit

[Arbiter drinks from a can]

ARBITER: Seventeen controllers Tyler's broken. Did you know that? All that cash pissed away by senseless anger.

CHIEF: u >:|? { serious face } / thats almost as many as i went thru / lol

ARBITER: Fucking hell, man. The only people we could ever call friends -- a psychopath, a sadist and a pedophile. What the hell is it about us? Can't we make a normal fucking friend?

CHIEF: u has 2 admit tho, that shit earlier was kinda funny / a little / sort of

ARBITER: No it wasn't, Chief. Eugene devastated that boy, and it sounded as though it was completely uncalled for. He threatened his life. Graphically. Tyler and Colin didn't seem phased in the slightest. Is this behavior that the clan supports? That we support?

CORTANA [appears out of nowhere]: Finally, some sensibility.

CHIEF: so what is u saying, huh? / u wanna left the clan? / stopped being friends w/ eugene and the others? / is that it? / is that wat ur saying? / thats wat ur saying, right arbitur? / is it?

ARBITER: No. I don't want to stop being friends with Eugene. Besides you, he's the only one I have.

CHIEF: thats not true, arbitur / im not ur friend either / lmao

ARBITER: You and I are falling apart fast. I'm sorry to say that, by the look of you, you'll be going first. Let's face facts.

CHIEF: no, lets not face fax / fuck u, im gonna lived forever / /flex / :D { happy face }

ARBITER: Greg's gone. Cortana's gone. Claire's gone. Without Eugene, I'll truly be alone. The idea terrifies me. I don't want to die like that. I'd rather have a despicable friend than none at all.

CORTANA: Wish I could hug him.

ARBITER: Besides, I've already sold my soul. What's defecting gonna prove? I'm a piece of shit either way. [beat] How do you feel about all this?

CHIEF: messign w/ kids isnt c00l / thats fucked / tyler gets moar >:( { angry face } than i does, which i didnt even thot was possible / him and eugene threatened to kill that kid in real irl / i thot it was kinda funny cuz it was so fucked, butt thats not c00l either i guess

ARBITER: No, it isn't.

CORTANA [turns to Chief]: Maybe you have a shred of humanity after all.

CHIEF: i n33d a cigarette / and yes, im going 2 the fucking window / k33p ur tits calm

ARBITER: I'll take one.

CHIEF: only 1 left in the pax, sry / u wanna somak, u can fetched the 1 under the oven, bitch

[Arbiter goes to grab a knife, puts it under the oven; slides out a post-it note]

[he takes the note, being Greg's writing; it reads "You have a good heart, Arbiter. Don't lose it."]

[Arbiter throws himself against the oven and slides to the floor in silence]

CHIEF: u gonna puffed w/ me up here or not, bro / arbitur?

[silent credits]

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